I just lit a stick of incense & now it's 1987. Shut up. Work with me here. I'm trying to convince myself that the Bangles are playing and Cybill and Bruce haven't fucked yet and everything is fine-ish.

What's your thought process look like? Process? IDK, I just... [opens up head and spills contents out]

Old, but gold! 😅 #bluesky #animals #nature

I just boarded a flight to DC and the seating is wide open because a large group going to the psychic convention in DC cancelled at the last minute.

Your friendly reminder that Starbucks is an anagram of bra's stuck

doing a kink demo on the UCB stage and becoming increasingly frustrated at jason mantzoukas

I thought about working out, doesn’t that count?

Surrounded by children of the corn nuts.

I just ordered a helper monkey and a pygmy goat on the dark web.

The goodest cake.

Sound on! 😍 Raccoon eating a cookie! #bluesky #nature #animals

Dreaming

Do not text me “wyd” unless you want to know in excruciating detail what exactly it is I’m doing

Taurus: It’s great that you have a 5 year plan, but maybe 4 of the 5 years shouldn’t be, ‘Scream repeatedly into the void.’

My thoughts are in Spanish, but I don't speak Spanish. I never know what I'm thinking.

becoming more and more self-involved as a coping mechanism (or maybe I am just an asshole)

Didn’t get raptured today but I saw a milkweed seed floating on the breeze

Nails are the tap shoes of the fingers

Maybe we're just in a later rapture boarding group.

life is short buy all the pumpkins

All things considered & given everything that’s going on, you’d think I’d be less outraged by the woman who left the Ladies Room without washing her hands, but no.

YOU MUST TAKE YOUR MEDICATIONS TO HAVE STRENGTH TO GRIND YOUR ENEMIES' BONES TO DUST.

All in all I had a pretty good rapture, organization was poor but the snacks were nice

All my Doritos have been raptured.

I’m not in a weird mood, it’s a lifestyle.

Nothing comforts me more on a foggy drive to work than the warmth of my check engine light

alternate universe where jim jones served people poison hydrox cookies but the expression is "ate the oreos"

*unpins your post while maintaining eye contact*

Accidentally raptured into heaven with all the evangelicals and somehow one of them has already set up the worst barbecue place imaginable. There's a banner out front where the illustration depicts a pig that has a goatee and is wearing a handgun in a holster. Everything tastes like corn syrup.

"La la la I can't hear you," I said, with my fingers in my ears.

some scientists taught gorillas sign language and one would sign about his dreams, he called them, “sleep pictures.” and the president of the usa cannot pronounce acetaminophen.

No no..I’ll be okay I have my disappointment cheese

It's MY time. *touchdown dance*

What time are we all meeting up to go to the rapture tomorrow?

[20 yrs after high school] what if i got really good at taking hand written notes

Post-rain sky from my bus lot.

After a summer-long regimen of shark collagen and tortoise shell calcium, I hope to be ready to molt in time for Thanksgiving.

Autumnal is just fun to say

When I worry about what will go on my epitaph, I remind myself that I once saw René Auberjonois in an Italian restaurant so that's something.

Ah, fall, when a young man’s fancy turns to soup.

the cob exists only to slow the rate at which I am able to consume corn

Discworld QOTD, from Soul Music "'What do you do with them?' he said. 'I bang them together.' 'And then what?' 'What do you mean, "And then what?"' 'What do you do after you've banged them together?' 'I bang them together again,' said Lias, one of nature's drummers."

Existential crisis birb 🪶

Me: "I can't hide the ads anymore? Jesus, a dying rat! Oh, exterminator ad. Yuck. I'll give another site my attention." Them: (counting revenue or whatever they do) Me: "I mean it! This is annoying!" Them: (strobe effect toenail clipper ad) Me: (Comes to bsky to complain because it's my happy place)

i only use punctuation when i am blind with rage

joy IS a part of resistance, you jerkfaced meanie

Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart

So much research going into why zebras have stripes but maybe it just makes them feel pretty

sometimes i mix up know & now like im doing right know i now i now

taping the small dorito pieces at the bottom of the bag together to make a normal size dorito makes them taste like tape