There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem: Make Bond a timelord.

Tonight I am grateful for warm blankets and beautiful sunsets and the solid gold watering can that appeared when I harvested my 100th tomato

I may have to retire, because Eric Idle just quoted me with a Monty Python joke. What a strange and beautiful world.

At this point “influencers” are the purple faded offset lytho of information transmission.

How hard do I have to shake the little glowing doom rectangle before dopamine comes out?

Sun, sun, sun Lizard, lizard, lizard Whisky bar, whisky bar, whisky bar You sightseeing now!

Things that clouds conceal besides silver linings: - mist wraiths - fog wizards - sky whales - blimp pirates - ghost ducks - swirling souls of those lost at sea

My wife and I were going to dig a hole in the garden and throw money into it, but then we thought, “Why not have kids instead?”

The people in this library did not appreciate my Sprite challenge burps.

My gloomy octopus friend has started hanging out in sun dappled shallows and vibing euro pop I’m really worried about him

neighbors hate me for ordinary regular neighbor reasons and probably not for being extremely evil

do beavers really give a dam?

rabbits are perfectly capable of visualizing and rotating a fully rendered and colored apple in their heads, but it's like. it's stylized. it's like a chao garden apple, usually

The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at

"It's an Old Family Recipe" I say, as I poorly manage my emotional well-being

When you were really looking forward to leaning over the fotboggan

Me stuck in the quantum. “Ahhh quantum entanglement.”

If only there was a single image showing his psychopathy

on Little House, Laura had a goat that got drunk off Mr. Edward’s hooch. It burped all over town and everyone was pissed off. 2 out 4 stars

When the collapse and possible death of someone right next to you still can not quiet the howling void of shame, guilt and stupidity in your own head.

I didn't ruin the workplace but you might want to avoid that one chair.

Before getting involved with someone, ask yourself: Is this a person I can visualize cropping out of pictures one day?

A trillion dollar dick-head, Jesus a trillion trillion dollar dick head is still just a dick-head.

Panda milk could be a thing but you scared of bamboo groves bro!

Hello panda garden. I'd LOVE to visit your garden of pandas! Oh....I see. You're a restaurant. Then I'd like to order one panda, medium rare

I don't want to "update my skincare routine", I want to drag wayward sailors beneath the waves

Can’t come in today, shakras be shot to shit.

I would never throw a sandwich at anyone. In fact if you want any of my food you’ll have to prize it from my cools dead, ketchup smeared hands!

It would take 1.4 billion cats stacked on top of each other to reach the moon. But I've never been able to stack more than 3 or 4 cats so I just don't see it happening

Same vibe

incredible photo that's definitely worth at least 1,000 words from Andrew Harnik of Getty

Zohran Mamdani's win is "an incredible proof of concept of how to fight fascism," says @naomiaklein.bsky.social. "Fascists want everybody to be the same. They celebrate conformity, uniformity, sameness, hierarchy. … The entire [Mamdani] campaign was a love letter to the diversity."

Father of water-boarding, dying of his lungs filing with fluid today, seems too contrived imo.

Autumn wasps ( swish) only stay in line (swish) because of the flip flop (swish) and the shadow of the flip flop.

Whenever I get a new follower I use their profile picture to create a tiny 1cm-tall homunculus that I add to my terrarium. They're free to run around in there and they have all the snacks and entertainment they desire. Unfortunately sometimes a spider gets in

Some people have endless hunger, they feed and feed but are never sated. Lucky fuckers.

Living the dream, cheese and ham tosties with coffee for every meal.

Show me how much basketball/netball you played by waving your non functioning fingers. It be winter, they do ache.

How do the people of Norfolk feel about this description! Lol

The skeleton stays inside during sex

Did standup in a haunted theater once Got booed off stage

Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit

I, too, am looking for the old woman who will speak to me of my fate upon looking at the scar where the wolf bit me

reminder: the headless horseman actually has no damn clue where he’s going

Plethora would be a beautiful name for quite a lot of things actually

They told me she was a lose woman. I just picked up her arm and leg and we shuffled on.

there will always a spot for you here in my tent under the bridge

At the Tatooine bar: Missing one eye and half a nose. “I carry this lightsaber to light my rollies.”