I love being normal and well adjusted so when people say things like: "if you say all your exes are crazy, that's a red flag" and I somehow hear it as "ok so I gotta think of nice things to say about the exes that seemed kinda crazy" (no I don't. those ones just were, apparently)

Am I three days behind on my notifications? Yes. Am I done grooming clients until Christmas? Also yes

Oh wait, I never got my Patriarchal Blessing, should I go rejoin the Mormons rq for the bit?

Oh yeah? If stimulants are so addictive then how come i forgotted to take them again?

Looked p good for the thing if i do say so myself 😌 Outfit credit also to Krystal for helping me make decisions on little time

Me trying to send a friend pics of an outfit in progress for opinions like: "ok here's the fishnet selection that i have handy that i think will look good, here's option 1 through... 8??? I guess?" Where did all of these even come from?

"oh gosh, there's so many cute and queer looking people at this concert, maybe I'll step out of my shell and meet new people" *Someone attempts to compliment my dress and I proceed to give her a wide eyed and panicked stare like she'd just slapped me* Next time i guess.

This bitch forgot dress tape

Fuck it, I'm going to the thing

I'M ON THE EDGE OF A KNIFE I FEEL FINE I FEEL MUCH BETTER WHEN I'M CLIMBING THE ROPE OF YOUR SPINE

Podcasts? You mean where Joe Rogan lives?!

Dressing in "reluctant femboy maid" getup to clean my room today for the extra kick of motivation and i can't believe that it is working this well tbh. Look at this closet coming together. It's only been 6 months of not dealing with it 😭

Blaming @intelectconfig.wtf for this one but, Now spinning: Take Me Back To Eden tidal.com/browse/album...

it’s simon

my teacher actually recounted how when she first started learning she mentioned to her own teacher she wasn’t sure she could ever look so good because of her narrow straight hips … then realized her teacher had the same figure, and the impression of hips came from the skill in movement 😊

Sometimes ya gotta have early presents when you feel a little sad :)

cat charging day

Plugging into my charging station* *Shoving an SAD lamp in my face and eating sugar calories for fast energy cause i forgot to eat a single real meal for two days because of all of the anxiety shut down

Enjoying my voice after a semi respectable warm up and rehearsal and before flopping into bed.

My singing voice vs my speaking voice

I am way too good at smiling even when it hurts and I can see why people can't see when I'm struggling cause even *I* look through old pictures with my ex and wonder if things were really so bad until I pick one and try to remember the context and... Oh yeah. Huh.

Went from being in a great mood to being a needy bitch in no time lol

Do you ever just flex your lower back muscles and hook your fingers onto the ledge on either side of your spine and wish you could just pull yourself into two if you just pulled hard enough?

Why does my dog put a paw on my leg and look at me with concern like it's an intervention when what he means is "feed me"

So uh.... Mf must have lost his notes on what happened last time he tried it. ☺️☺️☺️🙃

The roller coaster in my mind right now got me motion sick while sitting perfectly still 😎

"you're such an asshole but so mediocre that if they had an Olympics for being an asshole you still wouldn't qualify"

happy friday to jacooo

Robert Pattinson and I are basically the same.

The Fresh Prince of Baudelaire

Tess is going to make some girl or group of girls the best wife ever👏

It's cozy and cute. There's real hand soap and hand towels and the hand towels aren't even being used as a bath mat cause there's a real bath mat and the lights are even the same temperature and there aren't even ancient beard trimmings from my ex on my sink anymore. So civilized.

My favorite update to give friends I haven't seen in a while is always the "oh I've become a slut since we last talked"

You ARE the sprinkles. As the prophecy foretold!

In other news that like, two whole people will REALLY understand the weight of it: I knocked over a glass and broke it and i simply finished what I was doing (it took 30 seconds), cleaned up the glass, and ordered a new one? Took me like, 3 minutes start to finish to resolve?

The ADHD urge to take the biggest source of doom and shame in the house and turn it until my new favorite spot by scrubbing it sparkly clean and organizing/staging it into a shot of dopamine. 🥰

Redemption arc

Me constantly for the last two weeks: "I'm so fucking exhausted, I think I'm just really feeling the depression... I need like a month off to just sleep" Me on my day off: "What a perfect chance to deep clean my bathroom, let's blast some metal and happy little working song this bitch"

So I only saw the first one Do you call them Knives Out movies or Benoit Balls movies?

Too poor for a subwoofer so I just hit the potholes hard enough to feel the blast beats by matching the alignment wobble to the track. 🙂‍↕️

Listening to Hollywood Undead on my way to therapy to make sure I really get my money's worth

Christmas is in a week, why are the flowers in my yard still blooming? We're so fucked y'all

I got enough music mutuals on here- I need more music that sounds like Wretches and Kings by Linkin Park 🙏🙏🙏 Anybody wanna help me out?

getting a penis at costco

Oh, the Earth is fucking SALTY alright.

if I don't show up tomorrow night, know that I died as I lived: horny, sobbing, and begging her to beat me to death.

can i at least stare hungrily at you while you infodump

Hey Google, play Holly Wood the Cracked again