This is a great week to have already taught my dog sign language commands, I gotta say

Me: "Jaco does your DNA contain a virus that can kill all of humanity?" Leah, holding his face in her hands: "It's ok, humanity isn't that great, you're better"

This 8 year old boy was banging on our window and making faces at us. He was very.... Energetic. And persistent.

I think this guy at the ice cream shop is flirting with me but IDK

Cat who has been squished. The world has color again, the birds are singing, life is beautiful.

Me and who?

Masochist tattoo idea

no but really, I'm pull a total reverse on my usual self deprecation and say I'm amazing and what I do is the coolest shit in the world and I would never in a million years trade this for anything diy music is life

You may not like it but this is what peak fashion looks like

Girl who has been too excited and afraid of missing a moment, so she has instead been missing an awful lot of sleep. Sleep reserves low convincing her she doesn't deserve the nice things. Girl who is making herself sad for extremely silly reasons. Calling in a repair tech.

yes, yes we are winning 🌸💍🐦‍⬛

Anybody who has anything to spare for a talented musician stuck in an awful place, please consider donating to Jess's moving costs to get someplace safer than fkin Kansas🙏 Support trans futures, like. Literally. With money. Please. 😭

Giving my dog the excess meat from my sandwich and realizing that if I die and he gets hungry, they're just gonna find bones.

"c'mon Tess, take your shoes off, it's socks and squats" "Noooo, I gotta do a couple sets to get a pump first"

*standing in the gym wearing a Charizard shirt and holding a half gallon of Reese's pieces* Do I look like a fuckin NERD to you?

She died doing what she loved: dry scooping preworkout directly into her lungs

When I die, if I get cremated, my ask is that you mix Bucked Up into my ashes before scattering, so I can get in one last pre-workie loaded lat spread 😤

I don't ask for much, just perfection

It's so Beautiful

Less than 24 hours!!! I'm not rabid, this is my HAPPY foaming at the mouth. 🙂‍↕️

Me? Obsessed? Well yeah.

Who doesn't love a big ice cream scoop? #sizesky

I've become too self aware to make friends anymore. Hanging out with new people trying to "don't pick me girl" as hard as I know how and still watching someone figure out in real time why their friend's hot friend that came to that one thing isn't out at all the parties and doesn't bring a plus one.

met a girl whos stronger than me and smarter than me and a better climber than me and its like well whats the fucking point. i post a lot more so theres that

Cat go up

@tess.bzky.team grabbing a snack in Oakland after working out #sizesky

"I just... I don't feel like... I'm like a regular person, y'know?" - somehow not me

"yeah, I got time and spoons to hand wash the area rug mat" *10 seconds after dumping soapy water on it phone rings* "Remember we're going climbing, I'll be there soon" Fuck meeeee

Spring cleaning in a house with gazelle shaped girls is so much easier cause like- yeah I blocked the entire entryway, but just like, y'know, use your legs.

*tearin apart my living room to deep clean it* I'm like a Disney princess, but if she dressed like a slut and her happy little working song was prog metal records and if the forest animals were dogs who will not get out of the damn way

This part, right?

Rolling out of bed and sprinting to my lash appointment and just falling back asleep in the lash chair, I guess 😂

Okie who needs to get tucked in for bed? I'm warmed up just enough for lullabies

I can't believe they turned the cat from Blues Clues into Timberlands

The fake chocolate they started using contains ghosts

I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT EATING A SHIT LOAD OF REESES RIGHT BEFORE BED IS WHY I'M GETTING NIGHTMARES AND NO ONE TOLD ME???

"expound on that" "No"

Anyways

Stoned and giving amateur guitar lessons, who's got next?

Loved the cherry blossoms, wish they lasted longer

I just went for it and took a huge (like, 4 inches) chop and then it wasn't so bad and I went to town and my boy is looking sporty shorty again 😌

Alisa asking to come over to "hang out" but I already know it's cause she forgot an unopened can of red Bull here last time and she's probably been thinking about it ever since

Cutting inches (years!!!) of coat off my dog's head and watching his "Stinky soggy" stat go down with relief, but then realizing his "crotch punch accuracy" stat went up at the same time and panicking

I am, once again, WAY more emotional about cutting my dog's hair than is warranted

Good morning! Did you know leg day was two days ago? Cause my ass remembers 🤠😭 (owww)

The things that make a girl fan herself at 8 am on this website... What have y'all DONE to me?

Dreaming of taking forever to pick out a pretty dress and all the layers to style with it and then dreaming about her ripping it all off of me and not stopping until she tears into skin

@tess.bzky.team giving workout motivation #sizesky

Descriptors of good noise used during this song so far: gritty, OSHA violation, dropped my DS in the bathtub, Bad noise: needs more water damage, too Carameldansen, Perry Gripp called, he said he left this song in his pants pocket when he washed em and he thought he threw it away