We all know Clarke's "sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" Well we have corollary:

The US agent that has to read 5 years of my social media posts is going to shit his pants in horror. I assume they'll just feed it to an AI and ask: Does this guy hate democracy? Y/N Hopefully the AI has virtual pants to shit in.

Well now I'm just panicking

*feeling an inner spark of divinity awaken forever altering my cognition and viewpoint* Well great this is gonna be a pain in the ass to explain to everybody

For even more attention, do this with your legs

Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and has plans that didn't fall through this time? 👍🏼this moi👍🏼

Listening to Metal Circus by Hüsker Dü which I had not ever done before and I think I could get as obsessed as I did with Big Blacks' Atomiser, which is to say, I hope anyone coming over likes the Dü, because that's what we're listening to for the foreseeable future

*walking into my kitchen wearing a toga and holding a plucked chicken* BEHOLD, A FIFTEEN MINUTE CITY

bands asking for drummers. Just get a Roland drum machine. Big Black had one, and look what wonders it did for their music. Also, they likely won't get to the third album or something and start getting lofty ideas about singing a song.

Santa has a list of good and bad children. Yet another third party harvesting data.

Happy 76th Birthday, Tom Waits!

happy birthday to the goat

“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”

The music you danced to, completely off your head, in a field at illegal raves in your late teens/early 20‘s is the same music you’ll listen to while you scrub your toilet in your late 40’s.

You don't meet nice gails in coffee shops

As people are more motivated than ever to move away from Spotify, this is the perfect time to remind you that WinAmp still exists and you can still make and use skins for it and many are archived. It's pretty perfect as a pared-down "just play my damn music on my computer" player.

Silent metro car: Turning to my silent seat-mate and calmly saying:

Why didn't anyone tell me about Dag Nasty? Honest to Eris, what do I even pay you people for?

You're in the pub talking about how Nigel isn't racist enough, I'm in the pub discussing how galactic panspermia is usually a theory that devolves into eugenics. We're not the same. (You're a cunt)

Sometimes Gail says things and I have no idea what they mean but I feel it in my bones that they're correct and true

Fifteen Years xkcd.com/3172/

ICYMI last 6 yrs I’ve run a vape/CBD shop in TX. Been fucked all year by the state/feds & they’re only getting started. I’m in trade school & also currently taking care of my mom’s cats while she recovers from hip replacement & getting dad settled in memory care. It’s a lot. Plz help/share 🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

If you put your ear to the coffin lid, you can hear your family pretending to be sad about you.

I absolutely am

Fuck I hope this is true

Fun fact: this is explicitly why Dick Wolf created Law & Order: he violently hates defense attorneys and felt tere weren't enough shows about how defendants and their lawyers are scum (also when somebody "gets off on a technicality" that actually means the cops committed a crime against them)

You can totally see all of Chewbacca’s pubic hair

Any fans of ultramarine blue out there? Gulf Storm. 6”x6” oil painting

birth death slices of bread between them so much baloney

i wish jobs didn't exist so I could learn how to play every instrument

Spot the difference: You smell beautiful Vs You smell, beautiful

Woodchipper? I 'ardly know 'er!

Broke: can you conjure an apple? Bespoke:

I don't know, but I'm feeling rather chipper about it and wood welcome any suggestions

CHARYOU TREE! COME! REAP!

Hail Eris and pass the mustard

Er ner ferken snerr

I remain convinced that one of the best musical exercises is picking just two or three notes, basically at random, and then making them sound good. If you can make 2 notes sound interesting and good, you're ahead of the game which you just lost.

happy international men's day. Find yourself the bros you can hangout with and be your authentic self

Oh, needy am I? Would a down bad needy person post about it like this? Well? Would they? Answer me damn you

Just bought a hardback copy of The Lovesong of J. Edgar Hoover by Kinky Friedman for £2.50 in a charity shop and it's fucking well SIGNED lads

Piss Slathered Yeti is the name of my new band

everyone loves to picture the yeti, majestic, pure white fur framed against a brilliant blue sky as it stalks the frigid cliffs of a craggy mountain. well, I’m sorry to say that if you think about it for even one minute it’s obvious the big guy’s legs would be absolutely slathered in piss and shit

Honestly, not hating this one

Today's intrusive brain worm is repeating the phrase "och ma puir wee nut sac" in a thoughtfully profound Billy Connolly voice

This is what I mean when I vaguely reference walls and wood chippers

or is the piss tank 50% empty??