My dudes, I have won like seven fake arguments in my head today. I’m on a ROLL

A memory of my MIL, Pauline.. 20 years ago I had her join us for a week in Paris, earning me the esteemed designation of "best son-in-law ever." I am the only son-in-law. 😉 This last year, she didn't remember any of these things because of Dementia, but we do, so the designation still stands.

We lost who my mother-in-law was some time ago, but her passing during the night still hits hard this morning.

Sometimes I wake up as early as one hour after I get up in the morning.

It's still too early to know what mood I'm in today.

Do those noisy birds know how damn early it is?

The confusing article about a breakfast laser became less confusing when I realized that it said breakthrough laser. 🙄

You can't fool me I'm not paying attention.

I’m not saying you should, but anyone in Canada could send Danielle Smith a little email about her treasonous, anti-democratic statements. This affects us all. You’ll get a return email saying they received it and some other bs about her caring. Flood that zone. [email protected] #Alberta

Never mud-fight a pig. You get dirty, and they fucking enjoy it.

I don’t use Google. I text my friend Randall who used to be a dental assistant

Regular people: We learn from our mistakes. Billionaires: We earn from our mistakes.

That moment when you realize that it is only Wednesday and not Thursday and your schedule is in chaos. 😕

Okay, it's allergy season. Time to plug my nose with tissues. Don't stare at me. Look away.

Seriously, how can sinuses hold so much fluid? I'm losing brain matter, aren't I? 🤧

If you keep feeding the monster it will just get bigger.

The more I learn about people, the more I love dogs.

Every time you scroll my posts without liking or leaving a comment my abandonment issues get worse and it’s already cost me my savings in therapy.

I need a tube system like maple syrup producers use to harvest maple tree water, but for dealing with seasonal allergies. 🤧

I noticed the a few people had saved one of my shitposts. Um.. 🤔 why would anyone save my.. whatever my posts are? Are you okay? 😟

Ten Days Until MAID: A Final Reflection I am spending my final ten days before MAID doing practical tasks and finding quiet peace. Despite the pain of chronic illness, I am leaving with deep gratitude for the life I have lived. kevinspeaksup.substack.com/p/ten-days-u...

I read something that mentioned Future historians and I thought that was pretty optimistic. 🤔

You follow 78k people I’m flattered I caught your eye.

Start war. Lose war. Keep losing war, but say you're winning war. Start second war to distract from first war. Lose that war too. Keep losing that war, but say you're winning that war too. Repeat.

For a creature that evolved on the African savannah and whose ancestors were domesticated in the temples of ancient Egypt, my cat is very unimpressed with this heatwave

"You won't believe how smooth you'll be. I literally have no lines, zero crow's feet, and not a wrinkle in sight. It's truly a miracle product ladies!" -22 year olds selling skincare products.

Reading is a controlled hallucination with snack breaks allowed.

Late thirties is such a weird age. I’m sitting at home with my Merlin bird app listening to birds, and at the same time texting my friend who is planning a threesome with this dude she’s been fucking.

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re watching a storm from your porch while saying “we needed this rain.”

Many of my standalone posts are replies, you just don't know to what.

the ice cream truck needs to give me like a five minute warning

Not gonna lie, it’s pretty stressful living in 1930s Germany.

You've totally changed my perspective, angry guy who can't spell

My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train. The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.

President Sheinbaum: "the US has always used the issue of drug trafficking as a pretext for interference. So, that needs to be clear." ... "As a country, as a government, we need to be clear about that." [with the US] "we must not forget that...there's another intention."

Remember watching movies that were set and filmed in like 2019 and you're like oh they don't know yet. Feeling that way about stuff filmed 6 months ago.

you never know how many naked people are posting on here do you

When people magnify the environmental impacts of renewables, the implication is that they must somehow be worse than the existing energy system In reality the existing energy system is not just more destructive than renewables - it's more destructive than anyone even realises

Got my staycation photos back. Some great ones of me standing in front of refrigerator.

In a possible sign of selenium poisoning, Alberta's premier forces a two part contradictory referendum question that can neither be answered yes or no. #abgov

The way the Italians dress up to wait around for their colonoscopies is honestly inspiring ❤️

Thank you for criticizing my posts. It means that you reading them. 🙏

Trees, water, sunshine, fresh Spring air.. Nature's therapy. #Photography

The pathway. #Photography

If you give a man a fish... tell him not to put it in the microwave.

I really resent the pressure we're all under to maintain a life of normalcy and acceptance when accountability is completely non-existent.

There is no safe space from their destructive worldview.

We deny that we did the documented, easily verified thing that everyone witnessed.

"We are issuing indictments against foreign nationals for alleged crimes that we have also done and continue doing to others, including our own citizens."