Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for Laura Mercier Real Flawless Weightless Perfecting Waterproof Foundation, on sale for 50% off. Employee: Here's a list of potential adjectives for the new makeup boss, which one do you wanna use? Boss: Yes. www.amazon.com/dp/B0CCPH91L...

It's true. Hairlogists have proved it.

I'm not sure if I follow.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this "Menace To Sobriety" Pin. It is a very funny pin to own. Unless you have a drinking problem. Then it is very concerning and I hope you get the help you need. collabs.shop/lwg1gs

It's a serious commitment.

Please buy me a coffee to support me in my ongoing project: Dumping cups of coffee into Lake Huron until the lake becomes more coffee than water. It must be done, for science. buymeacoffee.com/lowqualityfa...

Wow, I never knew that.

That makes sense.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for Samsung Galaxy Buds 3 FE, on sale for 37% off. They are noise canceling earbuds. Dang, I can't believe noise got canceled before Jared Leto. www.amazon.com/dp/B0FGYDF3D...

Smart.

This is why milk doesn't have any bones.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Philips Sonicare 5950 Electric Toothbrush, on sale for 47% off. It gently removes 1,000% more plaque, which makes me ask "Jesus Christ, how much plaque do we have on our wretched teeth?". www.amazon.com/dp/B0GQW7WKG...

Wow, I never knew that.

That sounds about right.

I wonder if the prisoners know.

My favorite bluesky account

It's always where you least suspect it.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Rocket Turtle Pin. Although they can live over a century, a turtle's average lifespan is only 8 years. That's because they're always doing stupid shit like this. collabs.shop/ou4zee

We made a comic about an exterminator.

That blows my mind.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for the Roomba 705X Robot Vacuum & Mop Combo, on sale for 50% off. Please be kind to your robot vacuum. In a few years when the robots rule the world, you will be your Roomba's pet. It will remember how you treated it. www.amazon.com/dp/B0GSH62CF...

Real men crochet.

It sounds wrong, but it's not.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Samsung Galaxy Tab S10, on sale for 39% off. It's crazy that we've made it all the way to the S10. To put things in perspective, Leonardo da Vinci created the Mona Lisa on a Galaxy Tab S3. www.amazon.com/dp/B0DVZYQT3...

The amount of gore in that film was insane.

They were fools to change it.

Yum.

I never would have guessed.

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but today's Low Quality Ad is for this Berry Mouse Pin. Look at him. He is smol. He is hungry. He will be more berry than mouse if he finishes that. collabs.shop/oam3q4

Taylor Swift is a force to be reckoned with.

That makes sense.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for the Vitamix 5200 Blender, on sale for 30% off. Life Hack: Save money by buying a wheel of parmesan and blending your own wood pulp into it at home. www.amazon.com/dp/B008H4SLV...

The perfect plan.

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Brita Pitcher, on sale for 24% off. Use it to filter out the horse tranquilizer that RFK Jr. is almost definitely dumping into our water supply. www.amazon.com/dp/B09W4PJMG...

I miss Jane Goodall.

Please promise me you'll never wear socks.

Very sneaky.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Samsung 990 Pro SSD, on sale for 42% off. Get one before AI makes the price skyrocket because AI's true purpose is to ruin everything you once held dear. www.amazon.com/dp/B0BHJJ9Y7...

That's helpful to know.

We made a comic about a first day on the job.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Crab Pin. The whole "Defund the Police" movement was actually started by crabs. Most people assume it was humans, but they're wrong. collabs.shop/2kaila

Trump was accepted but didn't go because of his bone spurs.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for Fresh Step Advanced Odor Shield Cat Litter. I order these for my best friend all the time. He doesn't have a cat, but the boxes are heavy and he really hates his local Amazon driver. www.amazon.com/dp/B089PM6FR...

That's so sad.

Which one is your favorite?

That's reasonable.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for the Tribit Bluetooth Shower Speaker. True audiophiles know the shower is the optimal place to listen to music. Sound reflects off the water droplets to create a more atmospheric effect, and the vocals are purified by the hot steam. www.amazon.com/dp/B0FQJR6RT...

I can't go more than five minutes without using my fax machine.

Robert De Niro has some very strong opinions on Pokémon.