Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Handmade Shark Bottle Opener. Sharks love opening bottles. On the rare occasion that a shark bites a human, it is always because the shark mistook them for a bottle. collabs.shop/zahver

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Japanese Alien shirt. The Alien franchise is not considered to be scary in Japan because everyone there knows Godzilla could easily destroy a xenomorph. collabs.shop/k5ocj9

That's harsh.

If you don't have the right socks you will be shot out of a cannon.

The human body works in mysterious ways.

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

We made a comic about wheels.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Always Hungry or Tired mug. Not to brag, but sometimes I am both. collabs.shop/s9jbky

That explains a lot.

I just assumed everyone believes this.

Pigeons are so brave.

Amazing.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Handmade Shark Bottle Opener. Sharks love opening bottles. On the rare occasion that a shark bites a human, it is always because the shark mistook them for a bottle. collabs.shop/zahver

Incredible.

Nature is crazy.

The majority of bald people are earthquake survivors.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for these edible $100 bill cake decorations. Forget the cake, I'm just going to randomly pull these out of my wallet and eat them to confuse people. collabs.shop/zwgy0r

Respectable choices.

We can fix this.

I love alpacas.

Smart.

Even the best of the best can't be good at everything.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Frog pin. What if God was one of us Just a frog like one of us Hopped along like one of us Sat on logs like one of us collabs.shop/fi6ao7

Wow, I never knew that.

I'm so happy for them.

Genetics is so interesting.

That makes his novels even more impressive.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Seal Pet Bed. Go ahead and try to name a better duo than dogs and seals. Wait, Batman and Robin. Salt and pepper. Bonnie and Clyde. Okay, there's tons of them. But I think your dog would still love this seal bed. collabs.shop/rlqrhb

They can literally just pick any number.

That sucks.

We made a comic about a caterpillar.

We need to protect zoologists at all costs.

Very crafty.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Don't Talk To Me Or I Will Eat You sticker. Have you ever looked at an introvert and wondered what they're thinking? It's this. They're thinking this. collabs.shop/vxpcim

Great, even dogs are getting involved in class warfare.

Wow, I never knew this.

Billionaires must be stopped.

Historians were incredibly disappointed when they discovered this.

Someone complained that I've been talking about fascism too much today. So, naturally, tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Ban The Fascists, Save The Books shirt. Keep the complaints coming, buddy. collabs.shop/1787od

Barbers charge way more when they have to use giant scissors to cut one giant hair.

I wonder what happens at level nine.

Reasons why you should subscribe to my Patreon instead of Disney+: -I will not cave in to the Trump administration's demands. -I will never give you the option to watch Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. -Seriously, how did they make Star Wars: Episode IX THAT bad? www.patreon.com/lowqualityfa...

The Shine region of the moon, to be precise.

It's not a big deal that Trump labeled Antifa as a terrorist organization. Antifa just stands for anti-fascist. So the government can't arrest people for being in Antifa. They'd have to charge anyone who opposes fascism with terrorism - oh no wait, that's much worse. That's a huge deal.

Disney is bending over backwards to please Trump, so please don't share today's Low Quality Ad for this Fett Pride Pin. We certainly wouldn't want Star Wars to be associated with any liberal ideologies that the president might dislike. collabs.shop/oxs6zi

That must have been one thick wallet.

I respect the pettiness.

I love watermelons.

Smart.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Bamboo Plush Toy. He's happy because his only natural predator is slow, lazy, and probably sleeping. I'm talking about a panda, although I do realize I may have just described the average Bluesky user too (including me). collabs.shop/1l5yja