LOADING SCREEN TIP Once you look 20 (actual age not important), the village elders confer to you a relic known as The Font of Untold Pleasure. Once you look 30, the pleasure has ruined your life, so they poison it with caustic lye. Maintain a youthful appearance to boost your time with the font

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁. Hiding under a forest log isn't a cry for help—it's a declaration. No matter how scary the forest canopy is, you'll stay where it's dark and moist. And honestly? You are exactly where you need to be. Can I recommend some tasty fungal mycelium, or is leaf matter more your vibe?

Insulting you with "it appears you've grown attached to certain ideas and concepts"

2025 rankings just came in: "talks" are still preferred over "discussions", but "conversations" beat them both out. We see a marked improvement in "chats", just like last year, while "back-and-forths" are at an all-time low.

My newest novel has two characters: Observational Capacity and Goal-Striving Mechanism. It's a story about trust, love, and compromise: 300 uninterrupted pages describing how Observational Capacity beats Goal-Striving Mechanism senseless with hard, blunt objects. At the end, they both die

In my role playing game there are many Matches, which are made up of Rounds, which consist of Turns. Every Turn has four Quarter-Turns. There are several Actions in each Quarter-Turn, and each of those has multiple Moments. Moments are precious. Each one contains the entirety of one Existence

When I'm directing traffic, I enjoy making inconceivable gestures to the cars at my intersection. My favorite part of the job is coming up with non-euclidean hand signs blurring the line between "stop" and "go" in ways that surprise and delight my audience

Okay, the demon king attacks you and (rolls dice) just barely misses. He wails in (rolls dice) extreme disappointment. He (rolls dice, shakes head) was never any good at anything, and (rolls dice) it all comes rushing out in a show of bare emotion. (rolls dice) I need a charisma save from all of you

At the urging of my aides, I've taken to busying myself in my chamber with drink and with meats dressed in fine spices. But despite these comforts, I cannot help but wonder if, sometime abroad, there'd be something more, some sort of Grok to discriminate between truth and deceit

Cool intrusive thought I guess, have a good one

'hindsight is always 20/20' is actually independent of ZF. cohen showed via a forcing argument that there are choiceless models where hindsight achieves 20/n vision for arbitrarily high n

We were all inventing chemicals in the lab. Someone made a juice that bubbles and fizzes. I studied my beaker and saw it held not juice but a man, tiny and round of face, briefcase in hand. He climbed out and over to a bench one of the others had conjured. A miniscule bus arrived and took him away

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of being cretinous

When my small, evil roommate (lived in the walls) moved out, she brought the insulation with her, and the floors, and the foundation and the building. I wandered the desert for years. It's only by the grace of the Machine that I'm here now, shrunken and creeping the walls to turn this morbid wheel

I drank one beer at 2 PM and laid down and pulled the earth over me like a blanket and snow fell and grass grew and I turned into a little hill

No, I don't do drugs, but I know the junkie's mind. When I help a wounded animal, that's like a drug to me. Exercising my civic duty in the voting booth is a hit of the strongest dope. Lastly, a rush like no other, is being role model to three charming and obedient nephews

Today on April 13th I propose the new American Standard Job. Any American can elect to take the Standard Job in lieu of a role in a specific trade, field, or industry. It is a 9-6 program: • 3 hours: emergency • 1 hour: lunch • 2 hours: progress • 2 hours: desperation • 1 hour: serenity

I am Steven Sonofgod, but my stage name is Deeply Restorative Sleep. In my former life as a physician, I was target of a malpractice lawsuit for my use of razor clams in the operating room. No jury yet has accepted that the clams went untouched during the procedure and so could not have been harmed

(establishing credibility in the electronics section of the walmart supercenter) They don't know me in the candy aisle, not near the cereal neither. I'm arm deep in the DVD bargain bin weekly. You know I'm always having them unlock the games, xbox, nintendo switch. And I'm NEVER in the candy aisle

I find that exposure to the elements increases the quality of my tea. After drying, I like to spread the leaves out somewhere in the suburbs, where the neighborhood coyotes are drawn to the pleasing aroma. However, this approach isn't without its flaws. I have been mauled viciously

As I wander group-to-group at this party, my mystical orb conveys insights that guide me in how best to navigate the social landscape. "This person is ignorant of portals", "This person has middling interest in portals", "This person cares not for portals"

Ancient Wisdom has fallen into desuetude; ignorance and folly pervade the public. We will fix this by creating a system of tradable property rights over Wisdom Artefacts to distribute Wisdom decision-making to stakeholders. And enforcing these rights with summary violence.

How I yearn to tell you about my oath of secrecy... but alas, my oath of oath of secrecy secrecy forbids it

Today I think I'll invent the "small bee", a bee 1/60th the size of a common bee. And its honey will be so sweet as to quell the maelstrom of a spurned heart... and exact revenge upon its malefactors

Ever since they imprisoned me in the eternal chamber, I've realized that what I used to love most about life was not being confined to a chamber for all of time. That said, I do now quite enjoy the daily minute of total focus I'm allowed by my keepers

My name's Gargantuan Miller, inventor of the One-Minute Total Focus method. Thanks to the OMTF program, millions of people are now enjoying one minute of total focus every day - and so can you. Why wait? Your minute of total focus can start right now

Customer, This email is regarding your database, which doesn't currently meet the 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗺 𝘀𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁. To address this, you can add rows with simple strings like "TRUTH", "LOVE", or "EQUANIMITY". Failure to comply by the listed date will result in 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆.

Lately I've seen notes outside the maintenance closet complaining about the odor in the stairwell. That stink was decided by management months ago and cannot be changed. Actually, that's a lie; the stink comes from the rats nesting there, which I will not remove due to our bond of mammalian kinship

What up, name's Gregory Culpable... but on the streets they call me Allergen. Here in the studio working on my fat new album Christmas with Granddad. In school I learned the elements, but now I smoke tremor and slurp crude, I move different, I slither different, I made up a new one called Lithuanium

It's important not to get all your daily caffeine from the same source. If I'm coffee in the morning, I'm tea in the afternoon. If I'm tea in the morning, the tannins make me nauseous, so no afternoon coffee for me. And this is the way of things

(pulling you aside at a party) Hey, I know it feels like you have to say all that funny stuff, but you don't. You don't need to be such a joy at this party. No one's making you. You don't have to be so gracious with others or treat them with such humble dignity, seriously

Your Honor, as much as I would love to "do it normal this time", I believe the medium of dance is vital to my defense

"Chrome will relaunch in 56 minutes" Thank you for telling me that, but beings like me operate on the scale of millennia, so please don't take offense if I seem unmoved by your small affairs

My favorite thing about a book is when it "doesn't overstay its welcome". This is because of my overall hostility towards books

In the warehouse, I found out the tasks I take to most naturally are what the others call "monkey work". Someone will often shout "Monkey work!" and I'll rush over to be of some help. This is all fine, except I've heard them call this "scurrying", which does not square with my professional ethos

As one of two keepers of our order's gravest secret, it's my job to choose a successor if my counterpart reaches his end. As a believer in rebirth of the soul, I will select whoever I believe to be his next personage. Finally, as a proponent of experiential learning, I will turn my sword on myself

Before the rest of the diving team descend, I like to go down and rearrange the fish. I think the fish are very convincing when arranged this way, and quite pleasing to the eye. I'm hoping this will stir a love of nature in my colleagues, who often lambast me for having a tender heart

Has anyone seen the Beast of Murmurs lately? I already asked the Beast of Whispers, but I could barely hear them over that accursed Beast of Screams

𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑠— 𝐶𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐺𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑘

Every day I wake up and eat the flesh of the Fruit That Causes Harm. They always asked me why I ate of it, but I never knew why. After years of therapy and self-examination, I can finally say I eat of the harming fruit because it's so yummy to me it's delicious and it tastes soo good and yummy

If I were an optician, I would NOT shoot a jet of air into your eye. I would find a nonviolent (𝘢𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘢) way to perform the tests

My favorite MMO is RealmWorld. It has over a hundred different skills to develop, like woodcutting, woodcarving, woodshaving, woodthrowing, woodgreasing, woodburning, woodseeking, woodmeeting, wooddating, woodwedding, woodleaving, woodmissing, woodcrying, woodgrieving

Note: A previous version of this article referred to the subject in a disparaging tone. The author has since developed loving-kindness for all sentient beings and revised the article accordingly.

In my role playing game there are many Matches, which are made up of Rounds, which consist of Turns. Every Turn has four Quarter-Turns. There are several Actions in each Quarter-Turn, and each of those has multiple Moments. Moments are precious. Each one contains the entirety of one Existence

The blacksmith in our town's a sewer rat named Rat de Culvert, and though his hammer's strokes do fall with careful might, the townsfolk keep him far in word and quarters. Maybe it's his lowborn air, perhaps his ratly stink, but day by day I wonder how the nose could be more precious than the heart

I am but one of many Seasoning Stewards tasked with flavoring Her Majesty's meals. I employ the finest Black Peppercorns, precision-ground to suit each dish. Yet still her royal palate favors the White Peppercorn Steward who, despite the mild temper of his spice, is a heavy-handed brute

Today as a collaborative exercise my team and I traveled to the outskirts of the city and spake our individual vices into the void: "glory addiction", "glory obsession", "addiction to glory",

My love, I hope this letter finds you well. Things go nicely at the bog, and the other men are in good spirits. They say if we place our nets right we'll return with bog crabs enough for the county. But I confess, at times I suffer a sinister melancholy; I've taken to prodding the crabs with a stick

The neighborhood raff have grown replete on the exquisite aphids about my parterre