We don't do birthday parties for the kids, they're too young to really understand or care. We just have a little event each time one of them intuits a Noble Truth.

A Huge Nightmusic

What type of writing takes the place of formal verse in modern culture? Well, the forms of verse originated functionally to weave together streams of words to ensure that you could remember those things which must be remembered - or, to put it in the Latin, those things which are "memoranda".

I've probably sent a Perfect Email. But the thing about a Perfect Email is, it vanishes from your memory as soon as it's sent, because it so totally resolves the confusion you wrote it to address. The Perfect Email always appears to be in the future, an ever-receding mirage which is almost a memory.

"Polemical Correctness". Just imagine what that might mean. It's probably what's wrong with our society.

Kid saw a guy smoking a cigarette and he said "He's eating tape!" and I didn't want to explain about smoking so I just said yup. And now whenever he sees people smoking he says they're eating tape. Probably fine.

I've decided to have a perfect day.

Social media has its downsides, but it really does enable some amazing collective experiences. I can log on and see pictures from all around the world showing that all of our houses are being enveloped by the same mysterious fog, all at the same time. Truly we are one.

Just got a new notification on my phone: "Your nemesis has risen to the rank of Goosemaster." Doesn't look like I can disable it, system thing.

Morning sky report: Trees reportedly unharmed by flesh eating mists forecast to roll through today 😮‍💨

Morning sky report: balloons.

Under the Woke Regime, paediatricians will determine a minimum proportion of Transport-themed toys which must be public or marine transport, to avoid carbrained child development.

Australians would be happy to pay higher taxes if every year they got a little receipt showing that 70% of it was being spent on The Conquest And Settlement Of East Antarctica.

Dear Reader. I bear such love for you in my heart that it wounds me to see that you do not love yourself as much as you deserve. And so I must count you an enemy, and swear eternal hatred.

If you want to protect the hardwood floors in your new home, there's nothing like laying down a six-inch thick layer of wet sand in every room.

The best thing about having a drawer full of wet sand in your kitchen is that, when you've run out of food that you store buried in the wet sand to eat, you can just eat the wet sand.

Eating a bowl of mouthsome porridge.

Devising a variant of the "remember some guys" sports conversation, where it's "remember some poems" and you name poems you half remember and can't find a copy of and which may not exist.

There should be two political parties. The Bright Colours Party and the Loud Noises Party. They should loathe each other utterly and there should be no civility or respect between them.

We should abolish music. Is the sound of the wind in the trees not enough for you?

To preserve cosmic symmetry, anyone who draws pictures of anthropomorphic animals should be required to depict them with dog-sized bestial humans as pets.

Toddler has entered his grimdark phase. To quote: "I love NOTHING! My favourite animal is MONSTERS!"

Apologizing furiously for my amoeba gf trying to engulf the dim sum cart

At the playground with the kids, and there's a group of Nepalese maybe ten year olds talking to each other in a language I don't understand, except that every once in a while one of them clearly says "Jeffrey Epstein". Beautiful.

Employee of the moth

They're putting utils in the water supply.

The thing about having two kids is, you always know there's a chance that the big one will eat the little one. You're ready for that. But you're never ready for if the little one eats the big one.

It's important to pause, from time to time, and take a moment of pleasure in how authentically human the built environment is. Its ingenuity, and the care embodied in it. Nature is just awful, awful dreck, stay away from it.

Solving all societal problems by inventing a device that gives you a painful shock whenever you try to apply the concept of causation to observed events.

There's one thing that Communism and Capitalism agree on: workers' legs should be removed and replaced with crab legs to make them more productive. Can scuttle around under lower ceilings etc.

PARENTING HACK: I Promised My 3-Year-Old Son In Marriage To The "FOREST WOMAN" In Exchange For The Bounty Of Her Realm - Nuts And Seeds To Fill Every Snackbox!!!

Building my far right political campaign on the argument that government schools shouldn't be indoctrinating our children with their values; children should learn values the old-fashioned way, from a magical fish.

You have a "clip" from a roast of some public jester you wish to share? Marvellous. But... I am confused: you seem to be handing me your phone, instead of a sliver of their succulent flesh?

Worms surface

'the only way out is through' —someone who didn't spend six months digging a secret tunnel just in case

That lull in the ambient birdsong? Oh that's nothing, it's just that, whenever I pass, all the creatures of the wood and field pause what they're doing to subtly bow their heads to me. It's been happening ever since I formed the Correct Opinions About Politics.

Sorry about getting in the background of your photo - I'm afraid it will be quite ruined. There's a sort of glow that forms around my head in any image or depiction that draws the focus of the viewer. It's because I have the Correct Opinions About Politics.

Oh, thanks, you've noticed the recent new spring in my step? That's because I've just completed forming the Correct Opinions About Politics. It invigorates each muscle and adds force to my movements.

My new AI app is an old log lying by the side of the path. You sit on the log and you watch the creek flow.

AI can't produce insightful prose because the only true insight is to write nothing, say nothing. Tell me when there's an LLM that is silent in response to all queries.

this meeting could have been an email. i would read it over and over and smile

"One for The City, two for The Hive, three for The Jelly that keeps us alive, four for The Mayor, five for The Queen, Six for The Hand that remains unseen, Seven for The Cell, 8 for The Wall, and nine for The Gate that guards us all." -Bee Rhyme

Another letter from the local council. It just says "There is hope - but not for us" and then a map showing the entire council area has been rezoned as cemetery.

When you buy like thirty zucchinis people look at you different. They think of you as a serious person.

We should all take more pills.

Whale language LLM who is working on this

I find that exposure to the elements increases the quality of my tea. After drying, I like to spread the leaves out somewhere in the suburbs, where the neighborhood coyotes are drawn to the pleasing aroma. However, this approach isn't without its flaws. I have been mauled viciously

Update on this: baby got transformed into a crow, again. They still won't tell me whether this is success or failure.

Hidden Jim

As I wander group-to-group at this party, my mystical orb conveys insights that guide me in how best to navigate the social landscape. "This person is ignorant of portals", "This person has middling interest in portals", "This person cares not for portals"