they did narcissism of small differences on something basically indistinguishable from a grape

my 75th-worst fear is that if i get a job i won't have enough time for my lists

i'm really worried that capital won't continue to devour more and more facets of modern life until we're all reduced to scales of the serpent eating its own tail

i made my millions writing mba-style books for slackers with titles like 'work smart, play harder' and 'the mediocrity principle'

well maybe i would treat my subjects with more compassion if they stopped storming my massive, opulent palace every five minutes

Proto-Euphratean (also called Minionese) is a hypothesized substratum of the Sumerian language. The term "Banana Language" has been proposed based on a characteristic reduplication of syllables in names (e.g. Inanna, Zababa). It is identified with the Minion material culture of Ubaid-era Iraq

judge: on the date of the crime, you posted 'plausible deniability >>>>>>>' to bluesky. would you care to explain that? me: lots of people have my password, your honor. who knows which one posted that?

i refuse to learn why willful ignorance is bad. no way i'd like the answer

an apple a day keeps the doctor away for the first couple billion apples, but once you hit 2147483648 it flips and they start to swarm you

You consumed STRANGE DINNER [x1] 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥... 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵? - 2 CHA - 1 CON Your reputation among GOBLINS has permanently increased!

Their putrid slop vs. our nutrient-rich prebiotic ooze

'explaining' to my new alien friend that it's customary for guests to pick up the tab and his giant elliptical eyes start glowing red

Q: Do spiders have sex? Having a hard time picturing that A: no thats nasty.

for the record: it's NEVER okay to call for a persecution campaign. people who joke about it disgust me. we should find all of them and teach them a lesson

honestly those paintings with peepholes in the eyes are a solution looking for a problem. don't ever get them. anyway, you said you wanted privacy—might i suggest the art gallery?

if you aren't losing 2-3 lab assistants on the regular your unnatural experiments with life and death arent nearly ill-advised enough

this was hilarious when i was half asleep this morning

'the only way out is through' —someone who didn't spend six months digging a secret tunnel just in case

a broken clock is right twice a day. once when it says 'good morning', and once when it says 'good night'

friendly reminder that thoughts require wide open spaces to thrive. please don't keep any of them to yourself

zen concept 'first rodeo mind'

Q: What happens to money when you spend it? Is it gone forever? A: Spent money returns to the cosmic well from which all things draw. It's considered polite to sacrifice oneself to allow new money to take its place.

'hindsight is always 20/20' is actually independent of ZF. cohen showed via a forcing argument that there are choiceless models where hindsight achieves 20/n vision for arbitrarily high n

every day bluesky approaches the perfect website: a pure, timeless webpage undisturbed by posts or users

highly productive bacterial culture develops in abandoned coffee cup

watching a three minute video in 90 seconds is a thrill that would have overwhelmed the ecstatic dionysian cultists of ancient greece

fbi recovers over 5,000 stolen glances in massive idiom-busting operation

Solemnly looting my wife's death box.

the vatican won't see your post congratulating the pope, but your ex-catholic mutuals who still feel a shameful tug of partisan allegiance to the church will

those 'you are here' signs scare me. how do i know if im me or that little arrow on there

the moments between hearing 'the king is dead' and 'long live the king' are scary but after about king #5 you start to pick up on the pattern

the increasingly dire tenor of my apocalyptic visions is making it hard to take some of the older visions seriously. oh, it's going to rain blood for 6 months? what next, the easter bunny catches a cold?

this meeting could have been an email. i would read it over and over and smile

(white horse is not a horse voice) retweets are not endorsements

turning up the volume on my silence to drown out my neighbors

ultrafinitism is true. there is a largest number. and the power of love just increased it

it was a point of pride for teenagers in the 90s to have a 'bad attitude'. this all came to a head in september of 2001

my bad faith son is flooding the zone by constantly wailing in his crib

Flock of bicycles just tried to swoop me as I walked past their local nesting cafe

If you want revenge, then dig two graves. the first one is a practice grave to get a feel for it and the second is your main or "show grave"

i used AI to reimagine classic movies in the style of the simpsons and it did nothing to fix my relationship with my son

okay fine because it's april fools i'll do one serious post. i feel nothing but contempt for critically endangered species

steeping a cup of tea so i have something to drink while my coffee brews. the coffee is so i have something to drink while i slowly draw closer to death

set up my keyboard so i can switch between qwerty, dvorak, etc on the fly depending on which one is most efficient for the word im about to type. most of what i type is about keyboard layouts

i don't know what 'etc' means but you always see it with examples, long lists, situations where you get the gist—god, this could go on forever

broken clock: twice again today. you know what, that's all right. i'm okay. let's shoot for 3 tomorrow

stick bug: i didn't want to trick you. i can't help that i look like this :( me: how can i trust anything you say? stick bug: hang on i gotta go lay 1000-1200 eggs real quick. we'll talk later

the homunculus in my head is kinda checked out so i have to do most of my perception and decision-making on my own