if I almost bump into someone at the store and we do that thing where we're both like "go ahead, excuse me, no you go ahead" I just start crying now. I cry and cry and cry

bro the Blätter on your tannenbaum are mega treu. No offense

these Blätter ain't loyal

bro your tannenbaum got me oughing

saying "lock in bro" to someone sneezing

the king ordered us to erect a giant fuckass statue of him and we're not sure how literally we should take him

can't find my posting stick

sipping mana potion from a Big Gulp with crushed ice

my local alchemist has divorced dad energy

microdosing love potion as an antidepressant

Use the link in my bio to donate hot dogs directly to children with small hands. Please retweet for visibility. I have a new charity that basically okay what it is is that it donates hot dogs directly to children with small hands. No one else touches them first they go directly to these kids.

Ugh, find somewhere else to die.

smoking the stuff that made randy newman sing in that voice

swinging by 7-11 for a switchel tallboy

if you like having good clean fun on here go ahead and smash that follow playa

having some good clean fun on bluesky dot gov

God is doing minecraft parkour in my brain

ruprecht eat your schnitzel NOW

shoot for the moon. If you miss, my dad said the bullet will slow down in the air and land safely when it hits the ground, so it's ok

shoot for the moon. If you miss, my dad said the bullet will slow down in the air and land safely when it hits the ground, so it's ok

bro do u love it enough to leave it

those interaction circle generators could never quantify the power and devotion of an old quiet poster mutual

downloading free text to screech app

for $5 I will make my apprentice attempt to cast the spell of your choice

We gotta get people off the computer somehow. Making it suck fucking ass isn’t working so far

spell tome: Conjure Inconvenience (Mild)

greasing the palm of a workshop elf for a phial of Santa's bone manna

ok well the most powerful wizard I knew texted his mom every day

solved!!! Gargoyles are a type of goyle

asking master if gargoyles are a type of lesser draculoid or some manner of stone golem

getting beaten to a pulp by a cartoon owl character. He's saying "Hoo-who do you think you are" and shit

inspector said my home infested with spirit of lesser draculoid

developing a new gaming system called Sit-N-Play™

The Mall Santa With A Tribal Tattoo

sorry boss gotta go. Cat hungry

It makes me feel so powerful & sexy to not post

If you go to the apothecary and quaff a strength potion before the alchemist can stop you it’s basically free. What are you gonna do about it little man

the rock 'em sock 'em robots to Battletech pipeline

I could fav your posts with my eyes closed

they're talking about you on whatever the fuck

I'm one health scare away from saying something truly profound

Bro you’re so differentsauce

someone made the joke I was gonna post today so instead I'm gonna count my beans in silence

hey bro do u feel that pastoral wind?

Up until pretty recently Santa’s elves just made flint arrowheads

I'm allowed to repost my own shitty jokes because I wrote over 1000 of them

my grandson made me a spotify but I lost the login info

who's a silly fucker? I mean silly billy?