Avid “footy fan” Mitch McConnell has been spotted in the stands of a World Cup soccer match. He is enjoying a hot dog and cheering for his favourite team

This Shit Ain’t Nothing 2: Me

Bermuda Triangle is number 3 of Top 10 Triangle Moments

put my wallet and keys in my backpack instead of my pants pocket now I’m feeling like this

bro’s derry-o is hi ho 😂

mushtash

Resealing a bag of bread with one of these just hits different

Nail clippers kind of lowkey go crazy when trimming your nails in the vibe

It’s wild that political pollsters spend $80 million on focus groups. All everybody wants is the Jackass tv show with the original soundtrack intact easily streamable for free. Just tell your guy this and they will win

walking into the chief’s office and shooting my badge with my gun

Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at Taylor Swift’s wedding!

If I was the Sons of Anarchy I would have just resolved all of my issues in ways that didn’t make a bunch of corpses get lit on fire. I would also drive around on my motorcycle handing out free ice cream

Everybody laughing at this is just pretending they never set their phone up on a table pointed at them with the camera app open and then airplayed the phone screen to their TV and watched it for awhile. And thats pathetic, just be honest about it

The main problem with watching a TV show about crime long after it aired is you google the name of the show and a characters name to find out who the actor is and google immediately tells you they get their head blown off at the end of the episode you’re currently watching.

That insane feel when you take a shower. Hygieneheads know

I like to listen to this album every heat wave on account of how it feels like a heat wave youtu.be/VsMJ-2BdZ-E?...

If you crap out a snake the full length of your colon and it lands in one piece you should get a Perfect modifier and 1.5x bonus to points scored

Taylor Swift marrying Travis Kelce? I’ll take the Tayl please. I already have lots of Swift marrying Travis Kelce. Eh? Ehh?

Everything costs money these days. Except for money. Money costs you cold hard cash

can’t hang out tonight… imagined a potato chip company named “Mr. The Interesting Chips” and I’ve got to see this one through

fond teenage memories of when he died and my boss hurriedly had us go take down the "See You Soon!" posters of Dave holding a spatula, surrounded by flames, by both exits

Slot machines are paying out like crazy ever since they turned off CERN. Get spinning lads

sippin beers at the Gaddafi bench

I’m sorry I climbed the Empure State Building. It was an accident and I don’t know how I got up there

a day off smack dab in the middle of the fuckin week. Thanks for nothing markkk kkkarney

Top 10 Triangle Moments

when a dame with a set of gams that don’t quit strolls by

85% of posts on bluesky are drawings of The Jugged Hare

when the homie invites you to check out his facsimile but it’s actually a simulacrum <<<<

since time immemorial man has marveled at his body's ability to take a big dump of a crap

fly Hawk Tuair

“I’m liquidmaxxing and I’m lowkey in my hydration era!” 🚫🤮🚮 “Im da Water fucker” ✅😊👍

some of y’all

had a bad stomach ache and put on music for airports and now I’m fine

the period of time between purchasing a new package of crisp clean white cotton undershirts and when they’re all chili-and-bloodstained… that’s prime time and I’m living in it baby

Ten years ago we had steve jobs. Steve jobs are those jobs like the video of the guy on the oil rig. We don’t have those anymore because men are weak. Comedian Bob Hope is mercifully dead

researching baseball

Ordering two 150lb dumbbells online bc Im in a fight with my mailman

I Used The Chronovisor To Look Back In Time And All I Saw Was Myself Jacking Off, But I Don’t Do That Anymore, I’m The Pope Now

celery salt nicotine pouch

BREAKING: Kat Abughazaleh follows @CultureOfDinners on Instagram

I cannot stress this enough: there is a bunch of secret gold buried in graves at the cemetery closest to you, it is marked by coded names on headstones, and it’s up to you to crack the code.

Thinking about that movie where the guy’s dad belonged to a secret society

Making an alloy containing good

I swear to god if they shut down Marathon before I’ve amortized my per-hour gameplay cost down to $0.001 I’m going to end up on the news

整天瞎逼忙,还TM不挣鹅的价值 whole day i'm fucking busy only get 0 goose value

invented an AI chatbot that’s been trained on revolutionary political theory and the musical “Hamilton,” and advertises your pyramid-style direct sales network. The world’s first MLLMMMLMLMM