There should be a camera that floats above your car and sends the live video of you driving your car to a little HUD inside the car to more efficiently meld your own self-image with your car.

tarmogging and feathermaxxing

I read the 200,000 books that author wrote with AI and they’re actually lowkey pretty good? Better than that thing you told me you’ve been working on.

can I assign a button on the computer to play the airdrop sound so it looks like I’m transferring files from my phone while I’m posting

Quote from a lying Democrat. I’d be surprised if it was any more than 995,000 times.

Haven’t gotten much work done because I imagined a guy posting “We Are Charlie Pirk” and that’s been taking up all the mental bandwidth.

answerbaiting (asking a question)

on a loop youtu.be/HIQbNdjE4oM?...

(Guy planning to die as a slave on Mars) Ugh. Guess I’ll die as a slave on the Moon

Since Bluesky has finally added Drafts the following drafts in my notes app have been deprecated and are now public domain

Heard a lady in the pharmacy say, “Hot dogs on burger buns - wouldn’t that be funny?” Yeah it would, lady! Fuck yeah it would!

Children should be made to reckon with the power and consequences of the endless entertainment of a cell phone before being allowed to own one. Which is why this bill I bring before the legislature today will require all 8-year olds to read Infinite Jest

Here’s a great price on a tank of helium and a heavy duty plastic bag. It’s not just a surefire way to go — it’s a message to everyone who ever doubted you!

Let’s all be less precious about sending pics of our IDs to shady third party services. Oh no there was a data breach and they made you into an AI. He’s walking around somewhere in Latvia and he looks like you and he’s ruining your credit score. Wonderful. He is my son

Very accurate

In the money lab inventing hot soft cash

Taping a photo of my friend’s face to my dog as the precursor to a Ring camera-based prank that goes insanely wrong

After a half time show that good, I am calling him “Put On A Very Entertaining Super Bowl Half Time Show Bunny.” And you’re going to see a lot of people calling him this, too.

Sneak peek of my Doritos commercial that will be airing during the big game.

I’m on the Seattle Seahawks diet. I see attle see hawks Seattle see seahawks see seattle sea attle see hawks sea and I eat it

Sea hawks tuah. Touch down on that thang

they got dollars on sale for 65 cents on the prediction markets

Just got confirmation that Doritos is airing my commercial during the big game.

Call 1-844-926-7825. It’s toll free and I just put up 30 seconds of new music there

Actually lowkey funny when so-called “leftists” on this website mock all AI output as “slop” when slop is literally what working-class pig farmers feed their hogs with. Do you like eating food or not?

they don’t need to do three hours of stuff for the winter olympics opening ceremonies. They just need to play this song youtu.be/G7uG6gotoSQ?...

They’re calling it the finest series of words the CBC has ever been responsible for

DOCTOR: Your test results are back and it turns out you’re a fucked up mangy bald bird with a big weird nutsack neck. It’s a pretty bad situation. You should check out the great clown, Pagliacci. ME (The Great Clown Pagliacci):

Sorry to hear about your crypto man. Just sitting worthless taking up room on your hard drive. You can send it to me if you want, free up some space for old episodes of My Name is Earl

when you take the first sip of cold Beer on friday night

look like song it fell down

Hey man you and me should get an email address together. Nothing weird, just two friends taking on emails as a team

pretty much all art sucks but I’m so glad it exists and people do it

The underpaid guys in the Philippines who will be piloting Tesla's humanoid robot servants equipped with mechanical arms featuring windpipe-crushing grip strength as they wander the palaces of the American bourgeoisie have the chance to do the funniest thing.

unlike you i like the word internecine for the right reasons

(stepping into the 3d ski jumper body scanner with my shit so boned up my eyes are barely staying open) all these fuckin guys getting injections, disgusting, no love for the game, au naturel or nothing baby

Every news article now is “Remember Old MacDonald of Farming and E-I-E-I-O Fame? He’s a Pedophile” and you’re still expected to go to work every day so you can pay $60 for a fun-sized Old MacDonald’s Original Corn Sweety Crackler Farm Delight’s

what’s the new internet freeloader meta. countergambling is dead, focus groups aren’t biting, surveys are trash, mobile game botting pays shit. how are we making free money these days folks

FEDERAL PROSECUTOR: Heh. Yeah I’ve heard that too. Was so successful touring doing standup in the 80s he never needed it. Funny guy. Loves cars

One of the Epstein files is a spreadsheet called “List of People Who Aren’t in the Epstein Files,” which unfortunately means that everyone is in the Epstein files

The Podcastffin tech that powered the best eternal podcast-playing coffin on the market was acquired by Poffin (the worst quality manufacturing in the eternal podcast-playing coffin space imo). Enshittifreakincation continues!

Kamala Harris SHOCKS and DISRUPTS with new ANNOUNCEMENT: “Elon Musk has hung himself. He has died, from hanging himself.”

Vince Gilligan tried to tell us...

you have to eat your vegetables (learn to wield marxist theory) before you eat your dessert (get into JFK assassination and gladio and OKC and 9/11 truth stuff) otherwise you get a tummy ache (you go insane in the wrong ways)

it’s all coming together

ice cold Diet Coke in the humidifier 💨😋

I’m on the seed oils diet. I see d’oils, and I eat ‘em up! I also do not tip.