mr cuba i need a helicopter

MALE ONLY POST —————————— MEN'S EYES ONLY —————————— Fellas, it is now the night of Christmas Eve. Time to search around the house for stuff to pass off as thoughtful gifts to the wife and kids. Another year of paint cans from the attic and no one will be any the wiser. —————————— END OF COMMUNIQUÉ

@mcuban.bsky.social will you make the whiteness apology? #whitenessapology

I’m here for the “Scrooge: not that bad” take. The “Mark Cuban: way worse than Scrooge” take? Also here for it

Nobody talk to Mark Cuban anymore please!

My Dad's had another Large Rural Black Cat sighting - The government must investigate this phenomenon, he is no liar

The Spongebob movie is rife with dramatic irony

No offense but the Rosebud sled looked like a piece of crap

Some of the drinks and names of things at Starbucks are weird to me. #ImSorryForBeingWhite #WhiteApology

Some of you are pining for a split window Vette when you should be “sign”ing a dang mortgage

One of the best presents was a Kenny G cd my cousin got when he was 13 and played sax in the school band. My grandpa gave it to him and said “He’s the best saxophone player in the world.”

They have my picture taped to the cash register with a note that says do not ask if he checked his eggs!

Some of you are sweatin to the oldies when you should be sweaRin OLDIEgiance to the dang flag!

Ok I’ll bite which one’s Mulder and which one’s Skully

Writing satire is like unlocking your iphone. You have to take a special class at the public library to get good at it

They said my short humor piece was short on humor

Miss Frizzle always seemed strange to me

Stanford is famous for John Elway and also their prison experiments

Things are not great right now but at least Dwayne Wade has a normal looking statue

Jared Dudley has agreed to rejoin the Phoenix Suns as their headband sommelier

MC Harmer - Please Harmer Don’t Harm ‘Em

I think my short humor piece is being turned away by the big outfits because they suspect it violates the terms of my Disney cease and desist

Not me standing in line for the last hour buying my son an enhanced cd rom toy story

The year is 2028 a giant purple man entere the White House

The insurist movement believes in insurance for insurance sake

The year was 2046. Gradually beating in flour mixture was a thing of the past

A bunch of karens are ruining my Christmas

Fact Check: Santa Claus has never been spotted on Santa Claus Lane. And you know what, I’ll probably never have a post get to 1K and I’m fine with that

Like this tweet if Dolly Parton recorded “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene” at the same time on 2 separate mics

My off putting brand of didactic satire is angering both sides. I believe it’s my trademark smugness…

Having a protean shake

Sigur Ros is the Icelandic language for Sugar Ray

guys i like hansil and gretil because its about eating people

I’m the guy who invented the coat hanger that won’t come off the bar. I hope you like it!

I don’t trust young people

The realtors in my town are hoarding supplies in case they need to do another January 6

saw a really interesting investigation on 60 minutes last night, during their "the best of andy rooney" clip show. i had no idea ziploc bags have become that difficult to open and close

I say meet your heroes. Who cares

Driving sober to own the libs

Art Garfunkel could have done anything. He chose to humor a guy with a weird haircut

They are spending time researching the effects of ALCOHOL when there's a dang CHEETOH in the White House!!!!!

I just think Bari Weiss needs someone she can trust to bounce ideas off of

All tattoos can be covered up by a dress shirt if the dress shirt is big enough

Okay so there is this crime where you stab someone accidentally and it is called manslaughter. But I'm all like, that is what I do for a living! When specifically you put a space between the s and the l in that word: Mans laughter. I've only ever made men laugh. #ImSorryForBeingWhite #WhiteApology

Why is it called Sunset Boulevard when that old mansion is so dark literally and figuratively #writing #peerediting

Who are the minestrone guys? www.whoaretheminestroneguys.com

When you’re fitness-obsessed s/o wants dropped off at the door instead of walking 50 steps thru the parking lot #makeitmakesense

Mommy look, they have a fire emoji inside that hole in the wall! —probably some kid these days

Stage right and stage left are cardinal directions invented by the stage compass industry