2 strike bunt rolling foul in the bottom of the 9th to lose the World Series

Those men couldn’t possibly have all been Spartacus

The authoritarian regime buoyed by an oppressive surveillance apparatus has produced a chilling effect on free speech, yet I must speak the truth: because of inflation, Two and a Half Men is now Three Men.

Hi. I'm Terry Gross, this is Fresh Air, and I've just invented a gun that can shoot you through the radio.

A tournament of one’s own

The long way around the barn is lowkey a waste of time

Everybody unmute St*nc*l so you can see this skeet

Red Bull Delicate

Yung Stancil

Inside of me are two Karmit the frogs

Hard Shemp

Me: almost new years Chinese jewish guy: you’re going to have to be more specific….. twice

Scented email

I purchased the meal deal

Get in losers. We’re google searching the context for this quote

The Tiber, the Thames, and the Seine have reached the semifinals of the Ringer’s fun as heck river ranking tournament

Love to go on morning radio and tell my story about when they didn’t have Diet Coke at the fancy restaurant and make it take a half hour

who drank all the warshing-up liquid lol

By the end of game 3 announcers will be explaining the eephus pitch and discussing whether the Cubs should pay Kyle Tucker (no). Brewers sweep

Will Hunting is wicked smaht

Don’t talk to me if your favorite movie isn’t Foris Glomp

Official EP announcement: We are excited to announce that our next EP, "featuring, vol. 1" will be released on 10/31! This EP draws inspiration from drum and bass and jungle, as interpreted through particle dogs sound Who is if featuring you ask? Check out the tracklist and tags below!

I don't go anywhere without my joe boxer brand floss picks

I’m known for my famous Wall of Sound

Sometimes a knowing look is all you need to communicate that you are aware

If you think one million dollars in cash is merely finance, I congratulate you, Regis Philbin

I stole the Sunday school curriculum so my kids will go in knowing the answers ahead of time

guys im a halloween ghost

I hate to be that guy

Call your congressman and demand free speech

I just want to say that in this picture I think she's saying the word synergy

They are who we thought they were!

The year is 2028 a giant purple man entere the White House

I’m not supposed to know bari Weiss’ name. I’m supposed to know all the guys names who sell pills from a table in the back of a McDonald’s. Something is wrong.

im having coffy idiots

Prescription strength night water

What’s wrong babe you’ve barely touched your salted nut roll

Bill the new years eve science guy

I don't blame Fox News. If I ran a news channel I too would tell my viewers that all other sources of information were demon possessed and evil

Honestly I’m not going to make the effort to read that in the style of the beastie boys but I appreciate the effort it took to capitalize all those words

Anybody else need to check email? I just opened up a fresh browser tab

I just need a quick 5 to check email

I feel like boomer bands were called Hot Potato and the Kissimmee Amblers and millennial bands were called Removing Eustace and zoomer bands are called Coochy

Bill the Science Guy’s middle name is New Years Eve

I would have physically attacked the Whiplash teacher

My Snotproof Strilpencil in cerulean keeps my nostrils looking cavernous all day long

Her carpet-colored eyes shone dully in the firelight, which was the color of a shirt

Most grocery stores turn off their refrigerators and freezers at night to save money

Just found out the tasks they’ve been assigning me in my enclosure are essentially make work