Wise druid: As the Earth turns, some of its powers wax while others wane; but each of the four seasons goes hard in its own way

At the bottom of every ocean is a desert longing to be free.

The thought-pulse of the world-brain sounds out once again and from its cerebral womb a new way to make bread is born.

Necromancer and her dog fighting over an important bone.

I can't eat watermelons because their weight, size, and the thickness of their rinds remind me too much of a human skull.

If you can make yourself laugh, the rest of the world will be easy pickings.

"El Lizardo" (translated from Spanish: Mr. Lizard) was the most dangerous and powerful drug lord of all time, manufacturing and distributing millions of pounds of cocaine, crack, coke, blow, yayo, dust, rock, ice, snow, candy, sugar, and white stuff, although he never managed to sell any of it.

I wish I had alternate forms to unlock.

My mother used to punish me for being different by making me feel special, thus alienating me from normal people and ruining my life forever.

They caught your man flying through the evening dusk on leathery wings, hunting without sight and calling out in a voice we cannot hear.

The thought of computers talking to each other makes me queasy.

sending my vultures to circle you

Nothing's ever free in Transaction Town.

People call me things like "mutant"... "inbred"... "hideous"... "horrifying"... But just for once I'd like to be viewed as an exceptional killer and genius

Congrats! You've purchased your first ominous facility! Next you'll need some evil guys to roam the facility. Choose your favorite evil guy from the options below and press A to hire him. You can always come back for more evil guys as your resources increase!

I have just done something horrible to you, although it will be years before either of us find out what it is.

Let not your tum be rumbled.

Vestigial memories: Getting picked up by a bird. Getting swallowed by a fish. Getting nibbled on by a bug. Asteroid. Getting chomped by a lizard. Getting pulled apart by a crab. Asteroid. Getting trapped by a spider. Asteroid. Asteroid. Getting chewed by a badger. Can't breathe. Asteroid.

I could survive being struck by lightning if you gave me fifteen minutes to mentally prepare myself.

I created an existential mystery game full of impossible puzzles with no logical solutions and my target audience of rational beings is pissed.

I'm pretty clued into UK politics and one thing that is rarely reported on which absolutely figures into Labor's latest leadership shakeup is that Keir Starmer smells really bad, such that it's difficult to stay in the same room with him, and everyone's always holding their breaths when he's around.

Quick and easy life-altering spiritual transformations to do in a single afternoon that will raise you to a higher level of consciousness and leave little to no mess.

I'd love to kill Beavis and Butthead, and leave their severed heads on spikes as a warning to the others.

The man had a huge wound and used snow to stop bleeding. The blood froze and he became an ice monster. The man went into town and the people were afraid of the ice monster. He was alone and sad and cried. His tears were warm and he became human again. The man smiled and died from the bleeding wound.

I dowsed your cat with lighter fluid and set it ablaze, but worry not: when the singularity is reached and artificial intelligence perfected, you can have as many cats as your heart desires.

The forces of evil are arrayed against me. That's cool. They're spread out upon the plain in numbers beyond measure. That's just the way it is. This day will surely be my last. You got to play the hand you're dealt.

(opening dictionary) Heh, "Aardvark." I didn't know this was going to be a funny book.

Wishing a happy fathers Day to all the daddy long legs I see today

trying to be nonchalant about my eternal damnation to impress the demons torturing me

MY CROPS ARE DEAD. I don’t want to replant. I only want SEX. CLICK HERE

Inscription on gravestone: "I never thought this would happen to me."

God, are You there? Manifest in Your full glory for a bit. This girl doesn't think I know You.

make me again but out of richer clay this time

Reminder: Supernatural abilities do not entitle a person to unquestioned authority. The power to levitate or light candles with your mind is no excuse for others to give up their personal or financial autonomy. Cults should be built on empathy and mutual respect, for leaders and followers alike.

Can aliens make love? The answer may destroy us.

I feel like I could be a pretty good physical incarnation if a god would just give me a shot.

Bullets won't hurt me if I'm nice to them.

Taking over a company and immediately instituting a framework for the identification and promotion of stooges, while also creating new positions and employment opportunities for hired goons and mindless drones.

Greek ultra-nationalist getting really upset whenever someone calls Helen "of Troy."

We made love to the sound of email notifications, our bodies bathed in the light of your slideshow presentation, and, as my correspondence reached your inbox, I entered every sound you made into the spreadsheet of my most precious memories.

I wish I had never been born; I wish I had materialized from thin air as a 35 year old with a mortgage.

My court wizard keeps summoning lightning bolts while I'm trying to listen to the pleas of petitioners.

My faults are the result of my various traumas and my merits are the result of my inherent goodness.

(doing crowdwork) Man, I love being in the Imperial capital. (light applause) Where is the Hated One? Is the tyrant scourge in the house tonight? (a hand is sheepishly raised from the audience) I know we got folks here who've been praying for the downfall of your ass! (laughs and cheers)

Thank you, gay son, for your wisdom, and thank you, thot daughter, for your courage.

A termite knocked on my door this morning, said its colony was working in the area and wanted to know if I wanted anything eaten.

Barely sentient and loving it.

I've stopped brushing my teeth in order to make them so yellow that they appear to be made of gold, which will hopefully impress the local pirate crew and they'll let me join them the next time they set sail for the high seas. The only possible hitch in this plan is that we are 250 miles inland.

Whole village out processing the giant who died in the ravine.

The impact that music has had on ear usage cannot be overstated.