Being a kind person means being kind to yourself too

nearly a week into November and i still haven’t heard from Wyclef

Idk, I for one, could use a stick up my ass.

I gave up alcohol a long time ago, weed for my job, and sex last year, so of course I have to give up nicotine now, cause why have anything in my life that I enjoy? Might as well give up caffeine too.

For every nut you don't bust in November, I'll bust three.

Not all of us can be sexy ffs.

It's called lunch meat, but you can eat it anytime.

Who we used to have to buy weed from before legalization

the inventor of the frozen burrito has died

If you are feeling good and maybe even some hope right now and if you ever wondered why billionaires bankrolled a marginally rebranded global fascist movement - that feeling, that sense you might actually have some real power in your own fate, that's why they did that.

Woke 2 has arrived.

It's possible that me falling asleep at 7:30pm may have been a mistake.

Mamdani: "New York will remain a city of immigrants, a city built by immigrants, powered by immigrants, and as of tonight, led by an immigrant."

We doing Thanksgiving cringe or going directly to Christmas?

no one told me that your Sims will sometimes break the fourth wall and stare directly into your soul

I've worked since I was 14 and I'm still poor! that's not a flex, Chad. That's the problem.

say what you will, but i'm willing to bet you've never had a more sensual high five

Toasting and grinding my spices for a nice curry. Dare I say chicken curry without the vegans coming for me again? I hope so, what a shocking ordeal. I think they are bored with me now fortunately and are probably attacking someone else now?

Congratulations to all the Democratic candidates who won tonight. It’s a reminder that when we come together around strong, forward-looking leaders who care about the issues that matter, we can win. We’ve still got plenty of work to do, but the future looks a little bit brighter.

at least he has a marble bathroom to cry in

time to pull ourselves up by the bitch tats or whatever the morally superior spout

when being poor is considered a moral flaw instead of a systemic one 'Murica

I live in West Virginia where a lot of families depend on SNAP benefits and it's gonna get real bad real fast

i wish you were here *points to casket*

it makes no difference to me how anyone "gets" autism what bothers me is why "we" suddenly want a reason for the existence of Autism Spectrum Disorder instead of educating ourselves on how these individuals could be better supported it's ass backwards (in my autistic opinion)

we are made to bleed and scab and heal and bleed again, and turn every scar into a joke

OMG it's only 6pm

we have passed the hakuna matata phase

my first year planning a group costume Spice Girls (and we only ended up with two spices) 😂 I was Sporty and my sister was Scary Mel B and Mel C Happy Halloween 👻 🎃

Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?

every Halloween I wait to see the Today show costumes reveal and every year I'm disappointed

"What's so bad about measles?" said the absolute moron.

*uses phone flashlight to look for phone

Mia Goth for President

put on my winter weight just in time for civil war

Might take myself out to a haunted house tonight

An app that blocks all news stories.

this is why I have shingles again

Age verification? Stop reminding me of impending doom

Is it too much to ask to meet a nice girl who will haunt my dreams for an eternity?

Do you have any good Halloween Party playlist ideas?

Kevin Bacon did a movie called Cop Car where two kids steal a cop car owned by him, a crooked cop, and they go on an adventure with it while he chases them. Excellent movie, the spiritual successor to White Rapids. He is in his element when he's trying to kill kids in the wilderness.

People always assume you're angry not hurt.

we are the sons of the hamburgers you could not help

*stares in 90s kid*

You shouldn't need a book to tell you it's wrong to diddle kids and murder each other

my butt is full of secrets that's why it's so big

anyone handing out ramen for Halloween?

Welcome to Just Desserts where we only serve desserts and their quality is determined by the content of your character