that's called blasphemy, sir.

my wildest dreams came true

way too old to suffer for my art at this point

you could be at Coachella if you weren't old and poor - me to me

the microplastics in me acknowledge the microplastics in you

Sand! In The Orifices I’m at the beach.

Lean Pockets were just Hot Pockets’ less desirable alt.

O’O’O’ Ozempic…auto parts.

Apologies to my neighbors that walked outside and heard me singing a jazzy rendition of Thizz Dance in front of my house.

trying to watch FANF 2 again

I made 2.50 in plastic eggs today

It was a beautiful day for an egg hunt or two

It's funny how I remember the taste of the "spoon" more than the ice cream.

Here’s a thought - if someone is proud enough of the food they cooked or the thing they made to take a picture and put it on here just either say something enthusiastic and kind or say nothing.

snapped peas are just regular peas that have finally had enough of everyone’s bullshit

My brother bought an old plane, took the wings off, and turned it into a restaurant. He’s trying really hard, but I doubt it will get off the ground.

Aging isn’t gradual. One day you’re staying up until 3am for fun. The next you’re furious at a restaurant for the font size on the menu.

AI is bad Attacking strangers online because you think you're saving the world is worse

I love Whataburger, but the drunks are hotter at IHOP

My nudist colony was very emphatic about their lack of dress code

You didn't have to bring Mothman into it He did nothing wrong

I'm sure it will be better than whatever angry one you're living 😁

Yes, I'm a loser. Not the person who peruses random accounts to attack for using AI once in the past. 😂 Fuck off with that

Two months ago? You can't find a recent post to be mad at?

we don't put money in the plastic eggs anymore cause the neighbor kids fist fight each other over it

who else is awake due solely to their fear of gigantic bunnies?

today is the only good Friday, the rest of them suck

ordering a rodeo burger at BK and pronouncing it like Rodeo Drive

the thought of a giant bunny visiting your house while you sleep is terrifying. I don't care that he brings candy.

if Die Hard is a Christmas movie then Steel Magnolias is an Easter movie

I used to hate being called ma'am but now I'm like that's right, child. Respect your elders.

This plant nursery is getting a little saucy

the hack for concerts is to attend shows for bands that were relevant in the 90s

my review of 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple "He's got his cock out again."

Make Christian Nationalism illegal. Oh wait, it already is and is written into the Constitution.

my little sister is a Pisces, so when we were kids I told her it's pronounced like feces.

he bought single ply, your honor.

in honor of St. Patrick's Day I'm gonna need y'all to stop calling Barry Keoghan ugly 😢

he's not even Irish but his alcoholism is

in hindsight, hanging down the side of an old castle in order to kiss an ancient piece of stone wasn't the safest or most hygenic thing to do, but it was one of the most fun.

I put the litter in glitter

Moving forward, I will handle Twitter feuds the adult way By creating a Sim with their likeness to keep torturing and torturing

I thought having that having the power to communicate with animals would be cool, but I got bored of cyberbullying fish pretty fast

Bloating to diarrhea 3, checkmate brb 🏆👑 Congratulations @pippibongsmoking.bsky.social from @ashhull.bsky.social

your milkshake brought all the lactose intolerant nerds to the yard and now they won't stop trying to teach me how to play chess

If I had $1 for every participant of My Super Sweet Sixteen who ended up in an Oscar winning film I'd have $1

watched the Oscars for the first time in years to see Chalamet lose

The Epstein files are the foundation. The War is just lipstick.

FIRST WOMAN TO EVER WIN BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY. FIRST BLACK PERSON TO WIN BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY. FIRST FILIPINA TO WIN BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY. ACADEMY AWARD WINNER AUTUMN DURALD ARKAPAW.