This cannot be the same USA that Miley Cyrus was partying in

even for an unhinged presidency this week has been pretty fuckin unhinged tbh

thought I was having a week long hot flash turns out I'm just in Hell

how my son got autism

3 old white dudes telling us what is and isn't good for pregnant women🧍‍♀️

of course the rapture would be scheduled after 5 PM on a work day

dude they raptured me up there but then sent me back down after i made an -addmittedly crude- joke about how caked-up st. peter is

RELIGION 👏🏻 DOES 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 BELONG 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 GOVERNMENT 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I will now be consuming a great amount of THC so that I can continue playing this vicious game of life

So anyway autism existed before Tylenol

my mom took tylenol when she was pregnant, which made me super focused on menswear and now i have a million followers on twitter

“If you don’t take any tests, you can’t have Covid.” “Look at the Amish, they don’t acknowledged anything they don’t believe in, and therefore it doesn’t exist. Like autism!” What an embarrassment we are to the rest of the world.

On this we agree wholeheartedly.

first photo evidence of the rapture coming in from new zealand

I thought those assholes were being raptured today

The unfounded link of Tylenol use during pregnancy to autism is a creative way to blame mothers and further stigmatize an autism diagnosis.

What better time to start a *knitting club *Fight

keep up with the times man, this is 1940s germany

Them: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes Me: like SpongeBob?

Help me Rhonda

why are you guys believing a dude with a worm in his brain about anything

Autistic friends: those losers WISH they could be you.

Tylenol is about to own the United States after they are through with these bozos in court holy shit.

Antifa = Anti-Fascist. Trump is threatened by Anti-Fascism.

I choose to be autistic over whatever the brain worm is endorsing

There is no cure for autism because Autism is a genetic condition that affects brain functioning. Autism isn't a virus or bacteria to eradicate.

She's The Man

Jimmy Kimmel returns tomorrow. This is an important victory for free speech. Remember that it was YOU all using your power TOGETHER that got a gigantic corporation to reverse itself. Bless everyone who participated in telling Mickey Mouse to fuck off.

turns out we'd just opened a portal to a totally new dimension: the nether There was no joy or creativity at all just a mindless lust for gold

You can't make me feel sorry for a man with a mustache

Welcome to Christo-fascism... It's been blessed by *Republican* Jesus

Pedro Pascal is my supervisor at the mid-Atlantic Antifa factory.

2025 update so far: Still garbage.

i still feel insecure about buying ultra soft toilet paper

dubai chocolate sick of hearing about it have a twix, you wank

My right thumb joint has 250,000 miles on it

For a while there it looked like we were all gonna live happily ever after, eating out of food trucks

small account handcrafted artisanal skeets

specifically now, I prefer to not talk to shit stirrers

*sits down on a stool with acoustic guitar* *Clears throat* 🎶If I could save time in a butthole...🎶

starting to rewatch the mini series of The Stand from the 90s I always forget Ed Harris makes an appearance and at that point it just turns into The Horny for me

Coworker: Team work makes the dream work. Me: For the love of god, please end me.

*rolls over in bed onto a Wendy’s bag containing a half eaten Baconator This must be what supermodels feel like when they wake up.

Gonna go scream in the woods for a bit, anyone wanna come with?

and now those worms are in charge

"This is a bunch of horse fuck!" --daily creative swearing

I started watching Vanderpump Rules in May. I'm finally on the Scandoval episodes and it feels like Christmas.