Welp, you're all muted now. I hope you're happy.

Post someone who looks great in a hat…

Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking of the time we had a meeting about utility pole fee hikes and when someone explained the prices were set by the “Pole Access Working Group, or PAWG”, I laughed out loud and nobody else did.

It's finally Frieren Friday! Excuse me as I turn into an annoying weeb for the next 10 weeks.

Idk who needs to hear this but you're not in love... you're in like and you're bored

Ruin a band with one letter Kraft Twerk

Ruin a band with one letter Dirty Vegan

got kicked out of the pessimist club for saying January has been good and is going pretty fast

I just asked my cat why teams suck on defense at the end of a game and she slow blinked at me like I know right

Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking of the time we had a meeting about utility pole fee hikes and when someone explained the prices were set by the “Pole Access Working Group, or PAWG”, I laughed out loud and nobody else did.

ruins band with one letter Audioglave

When's the next scheduled apocalypse? If we're having one this week, I'll need to restock the chips locker.

it's so funny to see someone whose display name is that of an animal get all political. I'm gonna start an account for my parrot and yell at people

I personally plan on saving my Nobel Peace Prize for marriage but only God can judge, I guess.

I'm not sharing my Nobel Peace Prize with anyone, fuck you guys.

Lizzy was never heard from, again

It's almost Frieren Friday

Fallout s02e05, Justin Theroux always brings it.

I’m glad I have this place to vent because I have stopped talking to everyone

It is giving me NEW LIFE to be processing new books with 80's MTV videos playing in the background. 💃

I once dated an ENT doctor. I'd like to talk about it but don't want to stirrup trouble.

Hey, does anyone recall a recent (past couple days) embarrassing photo of a US official in a long jacket trying to look tough but instead more like a Doogie Howser/Nazi? Was it Dan Bongino?

You can't spell parasocial without ASOCIAL

I think my bluesky crush likes me back. What a turn off.

lavid dynch

I once dated a pubic defender. She said I was more than adequate.

help! i keep asking strangers on the internet for help with things... please advise

do it! do it rn.

I once dated a psychic medium, but she ghosted me

I once dated a mechanic. She really ground my gears.

I thought I was getting sick and then I realized I hadn't had coffee yet

I once dated a baker I could have done butter

Jan 15? The year is half over already 😫

It’s fine she doesn’t care about me. I said I’m fine!

Ever go to enter a password but realize you just typed in the password for something else yet you actually logged in because though you were thinking of another pw your hands did the right thing? Wow, even Henry James would have hated that convoluted question.

I find myself staying home SO MUCH these days. I think it's because I'm afraid of what I might see when I go out. I'm def at the point where I can't let shit slide. So if I go out & I see shit happening, I will get loud & involved. But I'm also exhausted. And a little broken hearted. 😖

Sometimes I wonder why I lose followers. Then I get bored and read a few of my skeets. Yep. I totally get it now. It’s like listening to yourself on tape, but somehow worse.

I haven't liked that Dokoupil character since he hosted American Idol season 1 with Seacrest.

If we're all just saying obvious shit now, I don't think we should have to pay for every channel separately.

I question my upbringing when I remember as a child thinking 'The Hardy Boys' was the best show on television.

There's something in the adult chromosome where suddenly pickled eggs, pork rinds, head cheese, and oddball terrines seem like a delicious idea. AM I BECOMING, ENGLISH?! Oh no!

[narrator] and they all laughed hysterically when he died

If I'm watching Supernatural, or Buffy, or even Farscape or Doctor Who, or Star Trek, or Star Wars, it's ALL about learning how to recognize good leadership versus fascism. How did 50% of America miss this? Was it The Bachelor? Jersey Shore? Did they genuinely get snookered by The Apprentice?

This is where I post from

Some moods can only be expressed in silly little four chord songs.

why are people twerking their cooters at me on Discover tab. all I wanted was pizza.

Sure he was MAGA who believed ivermectin could cure cancer, and was a holocaust denier, and a lifelong atheist who converted to Christianity, but never forget Scott Adams was also a rape apologist www.salon.com/2011/06/20/s...

Rest In Whatever, Scott Adams 1/2

Rest In Whatever, Scott Adams 2/2

Bitch Fuck you for eating my breakfast plums My icebox is not for allegory Do it again and I'll fix your little red wheelbarrow