Can’t go to sleep now! I’m gunna go fight someone in the street!

A Venn diagram of two circles intersecting. One says “good things” and the other says “things from England” and the only thing in the middle intersecting lens is “Venn diagrams”

Maybe I’ll mute England

[reading my reply to my husband] Him: you don’t have a wiener Me: on Bluesky I do

Convinced that jobs insisted that profanity had no place on apple’s devices because spell check never ever changed fick to fuck or cint to cunt Like being reprimanded by a ghost

Who’s the U-Boat commander

Name a Movie you've owned for more than 10 yrs that you've never watched I'll go first La Femme Nikita

I have a real chip on my shoulder against any England men's sporting team after a rugby World Cup incident that happened to me personally when I was at a bar in London, watching Australia and England play... and so yeah, I kinda just always want them to lose #VoiceToTextPost #ICan'tLookAwayFromTheTV

Sex and sexibility

Cien años de sexualidad

Middlesex

What To Expect When You’re Sexing

Periodontist follow-up tomorrow. Looking forward to having these dressings out of my mouth. Looking forward to eating more solid food, too. I sure hope the graft took🤞

EXCUSE ME THEY ARE DOING IT

Anyone wanna pig out on leftover potato salad and binge Game of Thrones... no weirdos

Oops I isolated myself because I got my heart broken and believed that I was worthless, and it turns out that the company of others is the antidote to feelings of worthlessness. I will keep learning this lesson again and again until I die.

Also, Nosferatu (2024) is nosfera-too-long. Longest liebestod outside of Tristan and Isolde. I...can...think...of...at...least...one...way...to...make...the...film...less...in...ter...min...able Willem Dafoe in yet another understated performance. But it's always nice to see Nicholas Holt Huzzah!

𝘈𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘦 is Latin for “friend of the court” but they stopped teaching that in law school because the court has no friends anymore.

Anyone who has animals understands how stupid fireworks are and holy shit what exactly are you celebrating

Watching Nosferatu during all the fireworks🎆

a question to vex the great philosophers of our age

Hey. Everyone who mixes alcohol and fireworks, give me a high-four! 4️⃣

I think it's great there's finally one day a year when Americans can talk about America.

I've invented an 8 dildo mechanism for orgies. I call it the coctopus.

It’s over for you bitches

Any of my Canadian moots interested in adopting me? I promise I won’t eat too much and usually don’t bite

Are y'all done being ERNEST today?

www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46569/.... The way this poem changes meaning with age

Robert Eggers’ Ernst

The Girl With the Ernest Tattoo

At the gym, guy on bike next to me is wearing a dinosaur onesie and playing air drums. Me with a straight face while skeeting. 😆

my sense of humor has been likened to that of a 12yo boy... which works out well for most of you

I was looking up lord of the rings memes and there’s got to be an account that’s name Lord of the Memes right?

Saw an AI fireworks show and a guy lost all 7 fingers on one hand.

Ernest goes to conversion therapy

Rain wasn’t even forecasted today. So I swept the patio and refilled birdfeeders and watered my plants. Now the sky is all dark and storms are expected for the next few hours. Clearly, I can control the weather.

watering plants to prince's starfish and coffee and singing it right in their leafy little faces so they know i love them

Apparently one does not lose weight when they only consume liquids and soft food. Stupid bodies.

When I was in kindergarten, my family went to Florida. Everywhere I looked, there were '76 flags, and '76 on license plates. I was very disappointed when they didn't update to '77 the next year. Bison toenail? What?

SO wait. TODAY is the US holiday and not Monday?

One must imagine Sisyphus happy

Country singers be like, "Drinkin and drivin' at 3 AM makin' out with my girl with a beer in my hand, after a long day on theeee farm" And their dad owns like 12 BMW dealers and a hotel chain.

dude's only reposting fellow canadians, old friends, genuinely good shitposters now... sus

Live your life with no reservations Fast food in your car is fine

Taking 50 year-old quaaludes I find at an estate sale and turning into a raging bitch in a caftan smoking a Salem menthol who keeps on hearing someone call my name

InfoWars is now live.

I’m letting my carrots touch my potatoes — I’ve just given up