Trump’s voice sounds a lot like my Dad’s in the months before he died.

Probably only worth 1/3 of what he’s asking but I don’t doubt he’ll find someone who’ll pay 6 grand.

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store

I owe my astonishing success as a singer to the fact that I sound like I’d rather be doing literally anything other than singing.

Sorry your white christian nationalist utopia got bought out by private equity bro.

I’ll vote for anyone who promises to ban new designs for multi-tools and pocket knives.

God forbid I build something different from the picture on the front of the Lego box.

Ken Burns, look me in the eyes, man. Every time I start talking I can see you start slowly panning across my face

I don’t think we need to save a seat for anyone who admits to being a dangerously stupid bitch.

"we need to have a serious talk about..." no we fucking don't. we absolutely do not. we need to have unserious talks about anything but this. music. art. film. theatre. books. things that bring joy. if you need to have a serious talk so badly you can make it about shut up.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh… SPACE! LORD! BROTHER! PRINTER!

we had a pizza party at the mental hospital and all the boxes were lined up open on a table and a schizophrenic patient walked up and down the row of them and said “what’s this supposed to be? some kind of pizza test?”

AI is Autotune for your brain.

Having my mother declared legally incompetent because her messaging app makes a sound everytime she presses a key

So you’ve noticed someone is wrong about something: 1) Does anyone other than you give a shit? 2) Are you sure? 3) No, they don’t.

Side Sleepers Are Sharing This One Simple Trick (unbend your elbows you dipshit).

“If you tax billionaires the economy will crash”* *I will deliberately destroy the economy

How embarrassing to be a bird drinking from a puddle in the rain did you forget you can fly little dude.

My dog got me a chewed stick for christmas. I appreciate the gesture but I wish there was a polite way to say "we don't need to get each other gifts any more." My cat got me a pipe bomb

If I want more peace in the world, then I must make peace with myself If I want more trust in the world, then I’ve got to trust in myself And if I want more love in the world, I must show more love to myself This is the energy I’m taking into 2026.

I cleaned the house this morning and uncovered a smaller, angrier house underneath.

The enlightened listener knows that every album is perfect just as it is.

Anti-DEI: You’re deliberately being different from me to make me feel bad.

They’re going to let all of us do one truly terrible thing each, for free.

A new era. #grickledoodle #horror #fairytales #fox #gingerbread #cartoon #art #drawing #funny #humor

Whenever you feel powerless just remember you can always scream real loud.

you ever just think about todd rundgren

Chores are easier to get done if you pretend they’re important, you know, like we do at work.

Gonna roll down a steep hill covered in snow and progressively turn into larger and larger snow ball until I take out part of the town later if anyone wants to join me

[a typical 1930s talkie boudoir set] “well then. would you?” “would i?” “be down.” “down?” “yes. to clown.” “to clown, she says!” “well i can hardly think of any other reason one should be down.” “am I down to clown, you say?” “yes!” “perhaps…” [SCENE MISSING]

In 2026 I resolve to take as much time as I need to truly enjoy every pants-pissing L suffered by a ‘conservative’.

Happy Boxing day, everyone. #grickledoodle #holidays #boxingday #raccoons #lego #cartoon #art #drawing #funny

The freezing rain sucks but apparently we have acquired a bartender and two little twin girls. They seem nice.

Weeell I ain’t seen nothing like it since the Shah got the rope You got a legion of leaguers that would shame the pope You just say the word and then they run like hell You gotta take a cold shower so your head don’t swell …but you can do no wrong

Star Trek should have gone to a Muppet planet

Every few years heavy vocal fry tries to come back, like athletes’ foot.

To the man who owns the land We're all the same But when his grip begins to slip Then he'll be calling out your name

Capitalism hates it when you have boundaries, but it can only discourage it not prevent it.

Just like a white winged dove 🎶 Pa rum pa pum pum 🎶

come on dog, let us adore him. quit bogarting

When my wonderful mother-in-law died this year, I don’t think she had any idea what a relief it would be for the rest of us to cut loose the maga brother-in-law.

The real Christmas comes when I hit the pawn/resale shop and come home with a bunch of vintage electronics I definitely don’t need.

Coda would be a nice name for a second child.

Merry Christmas you things from another world, you.

Every group of dudes has one guy who regularly has flashes of genius like ‘we should harness nature’s water cycle’ and the other dudes are like ‘that’s plumbing bro’.

“Black Betty” by Ram Jam came from the same studio as “Yummy Yummy Yummy” by The 1910 Fruitgum Co.

I’m not a fan of criticizing how others who may not have much to work with do Christmas. Make fun of well-off hypocrites all you want but leave the rest alone.

You don’t have to spy on anyone to know who’s naughty or nice, just ask them if they love Shirley Temple.

They took away cars that looked badass and you could work on them yourself and now men are lonely hmm….

🎶 Have a Willy-Nilly Christmas 🎶