🍂 fall bryan 🍂
@bryan.town
📤 2514
📥 281
📝 9247
retired sock model | my rat name is “patty cake” he/him 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
;(
about 1 hour ago
Not my ducks, not my row
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it’s time to admit that I can’t read or write, this whole time I’ve just been button mashing. I hope these posts are funny
about 2 hours ago
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the hebrew word “amen” means certainty or truth, so we could just as easily end prayers with “no cap”
1 day ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
Jared Gray
2 days ago
I don’t want to hear any more about ephebophiIia, it’s time we start talking about Elphabaphilia
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
happy holiJes 🎄grampy radish
1 day ago
pour one out for nancy reagan losing her title as white house throat goat
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hate winter because my microplastics get all stiff and brittle
1 day ago
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me, a realtor doing a house tour: and in here we have a lovely room just off the main space! now, technically it can’t be sold as a bedroom since there’s no egress window, but it would make a fantastic office or goon cave!
2 days ago
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if I was president there would be a hotline to a whole bureau of people ready to show up at someone’s house and say “it 👏 is 👏 a 👏 joke 👏 sir”
2 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
as President I would issue a badass leather collar to every member of the military which will cost billions and solve no problems but it will look fuckin’ *sick*
over 2 years ago
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all I want for christmas is for the yellowstone supervolcano to *almost* explode (but not really)
2 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
Sara 🍉💌 McHenry
3 days ago
jeffrey epstein won't see your jokes about how poorly written his emails were, but your barely literate friends also won't see them, because they can't read. fire away
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so it turns out the culture of not understanding jokes on bluesky comes right from the top
add a skeleton here at some point
2 days ago
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headphones aren’t enough I need this music to play inside my skull
2 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
may
3 days ago
the reason pinnochio's nose grew when he called himself a real boy is because she's actually a girl
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when I die I want my body donated to The Bog
3 days ago
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[being threatened with the medieval torture device the iron maiden] me: but can i bring my phone in there?
3 days ago
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we need a gofundme where people can donate their spare executive function
3 days ago
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it’s legal to tell other people’s dogs you love them. no one will stop you
3 days ago
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I feel like if I just click a few more links to confirm my scheduled appointment I’ll experience true happiness. I’m so close, I know it
3 days ago
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if your board game doesn’t require a bachelor’s degree in applied math or statistics then I’m not interested
3 days ago
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a worm? no, that’s amateur shit. would you still love me if I was an angry canada goose?
3 days ago
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saw a guy in a hard hat and started following him around like a lemming and now I’m in a hole walking back and forth
3 days ago
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🎶 if you wanna be with me baby there’s a price to pay I’m a genie in a la croix can, you gotta crack me the right way
add a skeleton here at some point
3 days ago
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how can I be expected to work today when the song that I’ve been listening to on repeat is no longer giving me the happy chemicals
3 days ago
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me: hi I’d like to continue reading the ebook that I have downloaded to my device. you downloaded it, right? and saved it to the device like you said you did? apple books app: oh yeah, for sure. deeefiiinitely did. just check out this loading screen real quick while I make a couple network calls
5 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
molasses deserves to be an ingredient in chili, it’s morally correct to put molasses in your chili
6 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
canada is smart with their milk in a bag thing, but I think they don’t go far enough. I think every liquid should have a bag option. hot soup? bag. cough syrup? bag. industrial quantity of engine lubricant? believe it or not, bag.
6 days ago
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canada is smart with their milk in a bag thing, but I think they don’t go far enough. I think every liquid should have a bag option. hot soup? bag. cough syrup? bag. industrial quantity of engine lubricant? believe it or not, bag.
6 days ago
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every story about mamdani in a major newspaper is the 60-year-old-went-to-journalism-school version of a toddler saying “nuh-uh”
6 days ago
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molasses deserves to be an ingredient in chili, it’s morally correct to put molasses in your chili
6 days ago
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if you like brown sugar better than white sugar, what you actually like is molasses
6 days ago
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finding the exact pantone color of my nipples
6 days ago
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I am a proud thanksgiving decoration denialist. fall decorations aren’t real, we put up our christmas tree the day after halloween
6 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
TwoSense
9 days ago
the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo
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fans on oscillating mode are more authentic wind than fans blowing straight, which is highly artificial wind
6 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
my body is a machine that turns one little treat into a constant need for more little treats
8 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
finally hit rock bottom, now I just have to hit fire, air, and water bottoms
7 days ago
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finally hit rock bottom, now I just have to hit fire, air, and water bottoms
7 days ago
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- blowing out the sprinkler system - cleaning the gutters - scattering debris - launching a soft rocket
add a skeleton here at some point
7 days ago
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I like to come up with new euphemisms for pooping: - paying tribute to the porcelain throne - fertilizing the water garden - the hunt for the brown october - aerating the koi pond - dreaming of a brown christmas
7 days ago
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irish guy walks into an american bar and sits down next to an older fellow at the bar. he orders a beer and trying to be friendly he leans over and says “what’s your name?” american guy sighs and says “I cheated on my wife once, but do they call me the Cheater? no, they don’t” 1/3
7 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
I like to stay in the video call after everyone in the meeting has left, this is MY video call now and I’M in charge
about 1 year ago
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you should be allowed to bark like a dog in any corporate offices without being penalized or ejected
8 days ago
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my body is a machine that turns one little treat into a constant need for more little treats
8 days ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
canceling plans is okay. losing touch with a friend is okay. escaping prison and using your newfound fortune to plan an elaborate 30-year revenge on the person who sent you there is okay, do whatever you need to cope
3 months ago
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
✨trash✨
2 months ago
most of life is believing you have bones without ever actually seeing them
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reposted by
🍂 fall bryan 🍂
chelsea bridge 🏳️⚧️
about 2 years ago
have you ever thought about how you don't know what bleach tastes like
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if you’re wondering why I haven’t skeeted in 3 days, it probably has nothing to do with this
add a skeleton here at some point
8 days ago
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hi sharks, I’m here today to ask if any of you have six fingers on your right hand
8 days ago
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why is bluesky making me google “jeremy renner snowplow” this morning
8 days ago
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