“Fashion is all about silhouette. Let’s give them one they’ve never seen before”

when The Invisible Man eats Ortolan Bunting, he also has to eat the shroud so it keeps hiding the bird in his stomach

Cats: The Jellicle Ball is a re-imagining of CATS as a drag ball, a move which ironically makes CATS less gay, as everyone knows there's nothing more hetero than letting the straights in on a gay little secret

need a deleuzian boyfriend. a boyfriend without organs. well. Maybe one organ

there go our boys, prancing and flouncing their way into battle

Reminder that TRANSplants Zine Issue 4 is available for pre-order! This is a limited print run and if past Issues are a predictor, is likely to sell out <3. Really excited about this one! asterolsen.bigcartel.com/product/tran...

Just watched Sentimental Value, which at its core was about a father and daughter who cannot talk to each other productively but absolutely need to communicate, and the role of his work as a director and hers as an actress in finding a way to do it

"Baltimore Mayor Brandon Scott (D), who was first elected in 2020, has brought the city’s homicide rate down by treating violent crime as a public health crisis... a symptom of multiple factors, including racism, poverty, and past violence." National media ignores this bc the solution isn't police.

God keeps giving me His easiest battles and it’s really fucking up my self-esteem

Yeah they trained their dog only using terms from psychoanalysis. If you say “jouissance” he rolls over, if you say “pure signifier” he sits, and if you say “sexuation” he runs off to fuck the couch

Women are always asking if you want to go home with them and meet the gray ball of greasy fur and claws living beneath the porch that they’ve named “Mr. Fucker”

Even setting aside not wanting to support him for jacking off in front of people, I feel like the fact that he did it undercut the entire concept of Louis CK as a comedian: that he was a man with repulsive thoughts and urges, but who had attained the self-knowledge that comes with recognizing them

I am willing to commit insurance fraud if it means Daniel Lurie will appoint me supervisor of District 4

plz send your submissions to New Session!!! excited to get another issue out into the world <3

I see some book piracy discourse, and, to make a positive argument in favor of buying books, your marginal ability to influence what books get published and support the careers of writers you like is massive compared to most other forms of media.

RIP to a real one, but he should've known better than to get on stage and answer that phone

I keep a little chart by the door that shows a picture of what the city normally looks like and what it would look like if it was on fire, so I can be sure if it's on fire or not when I'm about to go to the grocery store

After watching a bit of Taskmaster, I can now say for sure that if I went on the show, I would be the first contestant to do all the tasks perfectly until fucking one up so badly I died

my buddy Max (short for Maximum) is once again doing the min (short for minimum)

I awoke from the teenage dream to find myself a teenage dirtbag in the teenage wasteland, and you won’t believe what it smelled like

Stop playing with your phone. Either eat it or throw it out

once again passing the hat on account of life is expensive and stupid and i am a frail creature that nevertheless should probably live

incredible quote lol

Dad went and got a Christmas tree but once we started putting the ornaments on, it rustled. We learned there was a little man clutching the tree, who would answer no questions nor tolerate being moved. It was fun for a couple days but then dad got him with the bug zapper and swept him outside

"I took all of the hate that had fueled me for so long, the bitterness and the agony and the alienation and the wild sorrow, and I swallowed it up, pointed it like nuclear weapons at my own heart, because I no longer could bear to point it toward the world."--me, BEFORE DEATH: AN INCOHERENCE

Help! Help! A fancy lad has washed up upon your shore! He needs a glass of chilled mineral water, and to recuperate in your most Rococo salon

If Isaac Chotiner contacted me, I’d immediately put him on his back foot by pretending to be the June That Always Lies

nice pussy, pussy

okay fine I'll watch Taskmaster, I need something to put on while I take astonishingly long baths

why do they look like a married gay couple who are telling you that they're adopting you as a teenager

It's boyfriend sweater season

if you're still writing using the hero's journey, your mind is closed to all the possibilities

It's boyfriend sweater season

JFK’s head did that because he had an idea that was way too good

If a hitman tries to kill you and you beat him, you’ve already got all his stuff

I AM GOING TO FIGHT A POLICE HORSE WITH A HAMMER AND I AM GOING TO WIN

I’m at the Laura Stevenson show. Women in sensible shoes as far as the eye can see

With every pill you take, the hat man gets another hat put on him. If you take enough, you can make the stack so heavy it breaks his neck, and then humanity will be free

It's the strongest knife that stays in your back

MAMDANI: And I just think that there are barriers, barricades, to helping Americans that we can break down TRUMP: Uh huh MAMDANI: And breaking down barriers? Reminds me of a certain Broadway show *smiling widely* where they worked together to break a barricade? TRUMP: *sitting bolt upright* Phantom

This is the thread for my minicomic, Into the Bladelands! I will be posting updates of anywhere from 2-4 pages here, hopefully to be finished before the end of the year. Sky disappears. Ari gets left behind. Five years later, the door to the Bladelands opens again.

I think if I got really good at painting in addition to fiction, I could achieve my ultimate goal: constantly speaking while never directly saying a word

This song is ONLY for having emotionally harrowing sex

All night I’ve been posting relatable content and not a single person has gotten plastic surgery to try and make their face look just like mine. Is this thing on??

went to a zine fest and everyone was selling cool, hand-written and collaged zines copied on old school xeroxes about how to tie me up and beat me until I confessed to my many crimes

I’ve created an AI that can perfectly and efficiently write Don Quixote

MTG is resigning from Congress because she has agreed to be my business partner in a cart selling the world's first alcoholic hot dogs

sorry for rewilding your wife. I hope it's some consolation to look at all the flora and fauna that are thriving inside her

Here's the newsletter post I wrote today about the CDC vax page and MAHA as marketing buttondown.com/abbycartus/a...