patiently waiting for 1st December to drop my “like my men like my Christmas trees” jokes

I clicked something and everything disappeared

No regrets November

the recipe calls for 100ml of white wine so now I have to open a bottle

oh to be aloof and nonchalant but unfortunately I’m too loof and too chalant

more of a bread eater than a bread winner

I want to be as hot as Grok AI videos think I am

BOO 🎃

a vampire who likes me for me and not just for my irresistibly biteable neck

my pumpkins bring all the ghouls to the yard

(reasonably) pretty foods

morale will continue until beatings improve

in hindsight it was a bit suspicious that club tropicana drinks were free

did someone say Happy Hour?

reposting my only viral post so there

some devastating news

nap trapped 💤

Santé

are you today’s date because you’re a 10/10

coffee and a little treat before I harm myself and others

vampires are such a pain in the neck

come to my circus, I’ll show you my monkeys (seductively)

a coffee so strong it shows up on a drug test

unless you ask really nicely 💖

so everyone is fussing over this guy on the train sitting him down, explaining how to get to his destination safely, and he is looking completely perplexed by all the attention…turns out the mop he was holding that he’d just bought looks exactly like a blind man’s cane

Sunday 🪩

WFH attire

I did the maths and the numbers confirmed I deserve a little treat

actually any dinner can be a murder mystery dinner

GOOD LUCK BOIS & GiRLS 🙈

unimaginable injustice: you, a woman with correct opinions and impressive cleavage, still have to go to work tomorrow

I love your resting bitch face, you should frown more often

I like the sound of that (birds singing in the garden)

dinner is served

how can I make the meltdown of our society about me

I drink tea and I charge things

I like my steak like I like my men: rare, otherwise sent back to the kitchen

not to get political but chilli con carne is a perfectly acceptable Sunday dinner

the feminine urge to take a selfie in the hairdresser’s mirror with a full head of foils looking particularly ugly

I try not to eat between snacks.

I'm going to open a massage parlour, but with an art house theme. There will be no happy endings, instead you'll get a choice of a melancholic or an ambiguous ending.

memory I’d like to forget (MILF)

A woman’s work is never done: she needs to hydrate, stretch, moisturise, glow and maintain her perfect eyebrows

may I come over and stir the pot?

♥️