if you’re not being physically removed at closing time, are you even doing it right

as an old man walked past me he suddenly stopped and said: guess where I’ve been? to a fancy dress party. guess what I went dressed as? as a worm because at my age it’s the only way to get the birds… and then he walked off

In Japan they say “Closed doors sometimes just save you from the wrong rooms”

aspirational

read me like braille

as a guy you can’t consider yourself handsome until another guy hits on you

dinner

peanut M&Ms are the only M&Ms

- Miss, you dropped smth - (me) what? - Your beautiful smile why is this so silly 😅

Sometimes our silly little jokes are all we have in this dark world.

draw me like one of your conclusions

shall we do things my way or my other way?

read between the typos

yes, it did hurt when I fell from heaven, thanks for asking

Picture me naked! Wrong! There are more police

my ex used to say “two heads are better than one” he was pretty hot but a terrible plastic surgeon

came for the plot, stayed for a heathy dose of homoeroticism #TheNightManager

I only interact with 5 mutuals here and 2 of them is me

Sunday evening is for relaxing but stressfully

a nice cup of tea with the last slice of panettone Christmas is well and truly over

My New Year resolution is to follow my dreams. May I follow you?

New Year New Me(ow)

BREAKING

my year of health started well, burnt 700 kcal today

leftovers for breakfast

*me scrolling through my own posts* wow, what a vibe

look at these two little cuties eating my bird food

eating Christmas crackers and drinking gravy

proof of life

and for desert

he’s been

I’m ready to party

I like my men like I like my Ferrero Rochers - expensive-looking, deceptively small, and finished before I feel a thing

How the Grinch Stole All My Likes

just me and my three penguins against the world

gm

this one was rather good

Roses are red Spreading cheer is her motto

never have I ever let good sense stop me from making a fool of myself

Monday

I like my men like I like my Christmas pudding - soaked in alcohol and traditionally set on fire

masterpiece

had a great time in London Town, was only violently murdered twice

woke up very normal and adorable

Advent calendar but you open a little window and scream into it