If spaghetti for breakfast is a crime then lock me up

Abducting a precedent sets a very dangerous president

smelt a fart, thought of you

if you’re with someone who doesn’t close the toothpaste with a screw on cap, you’re with a lost cause

it amazes me how much time it takes me to do nothing

Is something wrong baby? You've barely touched your Molotov cocktail.

I'm not a sugar daddy, per se. I am more of an aspartame daddy. I'm sweet but I cause cancer in rats.

You make me feel like doing things I’ve never done before! * leaves dishes in sink overnight *

What, this? It's just my emotional support lump hammer

If you see this image congratulations the curse is lifted have a wonderful 2026

i don't write dick jokes because dick sonnets are longer

i have a really good…what do you call it? word list?

My cat followed me into the bathroom so he could clean his butthole next to me while I pee

Luurrrvvvve youuuuu

made the mistake this morning of asking someone how they were

nice try your honor, but I too brought a gavel

psa: did you know that about 99% of all posts right now are about trump (appropriately so, in light of current events) and you are free to make relevant comments on the majority of those instead of forcefully injecting the topic into unrelated, non-political posts?

Happy Incel Day to those who celibate.

Angry songs are lowkey the most loving of them all cause if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be screaming about it

Wishing all you lovelies a year of rising up against tyranny and injustice, while embracing peace and unity 🫂🫂🫂

sad feels, be gone✨✨✨ a girl can dream she's got magic

Love this from Guillermo del Toro

Create a weight loss plan for me. Wrong answers only.

what if people could just be normal online

There should be a zoo experience where you try to outdrink a panda

🎶skeet....... .........or die🎶

Nothing bonds you to your childhood like knowing every word to a song you absolutely should not know

Few things are as embarrassing as having to sign my name with my finger

atom: god I love radiohead atom: oh man, so do I (atoms bonding)

A New Year in Dublin.

New Dawn #photography #landscape #westcoast #california #pacificocean #seascape #nikon

Bombing countries doesn't make anyone forget you're a pedophile btw.

might start saying “twinning” at the urinal trough

It’s getting pretty serious between her and the wall

If you're watching a Scandinavian murder show, watch out for the guy with the shaved head and the beard, he did it, unless he has a scarf, then he's the detective.

Disgruntled implies the existence of datgruntled

I think I interrupted a meeting or something

This is her brother, Swiss Army Knife

Dudley reading your posts

Here are some nice mushrooms

Eating cheese while watching Twister, just to shout "De Brie! We've got De Brie!"

machete would be a beautiful name for a girl

My birthstone is fossilized dinosaur poop

Does anyone know how to make merry?

happy birthday me i'm going to post

my sad grew enormously overnight, fed by nightmares and a bottomless ache of homesickness i don’t know how to remedy i need all the hugs, pretty please 😞💔

My birthstone is a wheel of cheese

still grappling with the fact people block me. ME!