My cat does not need a sailor suit. My cat does not need a sailor suit. My cat does not need a sailor suit.

Playing musical chairs with bean bags.

Current energy setting:

Come with me and you'll be in some really weird imaginations

#IfCatsHadACustomerService A smile wouldn't be included.

Pedicures for the missus and me. But not for thee. 😂

Where are you more of a family In the clerb Or olive garden

Beset by beasts!

Doing a bunch of banjo solos in public until someone beats me up.

#MyCatsNewYearsResolution Make a new squirrel buddy.

I am a simple gal, I want a 5 lb bucket of Swedish candy, 17 days off work, perfect credit, a fully restored vintage Bronco from Vintage Modern in Buford, Georgia, four million free airline miles, curly hair, and my own stocked pond. So simple. Easy breezy. Beautiful.

2026 stole my sparkle

#MyCatsNewYearsResolution Throttle back on the cocaine.

I almost forgot Tongue out Tuesday!

I feel like I just saw pizza topped with salad but then I just kept scrolling bc no I didn’t

revenge is a dish best served in a different restaurant cuz im only cooking love in here

It's like ten thousand sporks and all you need is a stroon.

Those were happier times. *yesterday

What the hell is the name of the search engine that you get 10 free searches but then you have to subscribe and it doesn’t show all the sponsored google crap or ads or ai slop?

Be the funny awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world

No cheating. Reskeet with your most recent picture of your pet. Cosmo ❤️

Have you ever been at a traffic light, for like 10 minutes, and then someone finally comes up behind you when the light turns green, and you get annoyed? Like I did all this waiting and you just come strolling up and go? My day? No, it was good. Why do you ask?

“I’m flying!”

Elephants hate when they’re in a room and forget why they even came in.

frantic snackin, twat, the cuteness🖤

Stop. Breathe.

I don't need to get roasted online, I live with a kid who asks me if it's ugly sweater day as I am driving him to school

So HR says Guinness is not an acceptable breakfast option and also that I have to replace the toaster in the break room

He moseyed over, dragging a lawn chair behind him. Unfolding it, he settled in with a contented sigh. He pulled a cigarette out of a crumpled pack and lit it, taking a long, slow drag. Exhaling a stream of blue smoke, the eleventh ant muttered under his breath, “Fuck your rules.”

I like to watch horror flicks with my cats so they know how safe and lucky they are to live with me

Good morning Happy Taco/Tongue Out Tuesday to you all. Have a trendously terrific day. Cheers!

This day in history. 1975. The Bustle in the Garden. In Boston thousands of Led Zeppelin fans in line overnight in the freezing cold to buy concert tickets, unconvinced that a new day will dawn for those who stand long, broke into the arena and threw a kegger.

youtu.be/u7K72X4eo_s naked on the bathroom floor only towels within reach to shelter soaked in sweat and tears lifeless but for shaking 4 hours of nausea just pass out let it end now or forever no one to reach to all for what then night falls so cold

where do you think it goes all the stuff you type when the text box isnt selected

Sliding into the overnight sludge to slumber before the next bell tolls for me and I get hooked out with the other slugs to play human once more

“If you want something done right, do it yourself” me: pours myself a drink

may we all be as cozy as the chloe this night

i have a really good…what do you call it? word list?

Are we having fun yet?! Fabulous 🎉

I'm sampling old jazz big band recordings and combining it with samples of trucks accelerating and some twangy sounds I made by stretching rubber bands all over my cello. I think it will be a soundtrack for a Joseph Cornell film.

Watch out 2054

All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. -Seuss

The haunted snowy owl queen would like a word with whooom

I've done the calculations, and a second job will absolutely help me get out of debt by the end of the year, as long as I start no later than March of 2004.

Pretty sky tonight

Drove home through a watercolor twilight instead of the dark. Nice.

✨