The bog witch is now only afflicting people who intrude more than halfway into her domain, a classic recession indicator

Barenaked Men

The corollary of "found family" is the "hidden family" which you do not see or directly interact with, but is watching. And planning. They know.

it’s so awesome that the economy is about to completely burst into a recession

Google Photos be like "we made you a slideshow!" and it's just seven different angles of your pussy

eating pussy with my eyes open to maintain tactical awareness

Strange, the bully is kicking my ass even though I've been telling everyone how much I respect him. Maybe he hasn't heard

the beatings will continue; we have defunded the agency that tracks morale

society if. society if i. if they. society if everybody fuckin. if they all fuckin. man idek

I am seeking investors for my sex toy company called Choose the Bear. First product will be the Bear. Quiet enough to use alone in the woods so you don't have to be

My favorite part in Alien is when Ripley sees the alien and screams “oh no! An alien!” and the alien tells her “from my perspective, you're the alien”

Tom Homan took a bag of cash from an undercover FBI agent the right way. by Ezra Klein

I need a pair of underwear that say "You Probably Think This Thong Is About You"

batman has midlife crisis and starts a more comprehensive night time moisturiser and anti-aging serum ritual for the lower half of his face

[from the corner of the room] gawrsh

disney adults showing up like the end of avengers endgame

There have always been trans people. There will always be trans people. The only "trans agenda" is to live authentically. Removing trans rights, banning trans people from sports, taking away care for trans people puts you on the wrong side of history. Trans rights are human rights 🩵💗🤍

They shouldn't be allowed to call it "Capri Sun" when it contains less than 1% capri

help i ran out of video essays i'm interested in and now the algorithm is expanding my horizons

assembling a fantasy lunch: warm crusty bread, a hunk of cheese. a bit of cured sausage and a clutch of fresh grapes. shared out of a handkerchief with a brooding ranger I met in the woods

"The left is trying to cancel me!"I screamed as I bravely refused to drive on the right side of the road.

the journey of a thousand crimes begins with a single theft

america is ready for a president that’s a bulbasaur

I don't particularly care for your tone, your honor

Dems advertising that they are capitulating to threats of violence is not an especially smart plan even on narrow selfpreservation concerns

knuckle tattoos that say CORN COBS

Are you guys the only alpha males who can save western civilization or are you afraid of Manhattan Just Can you pick please

My vagina is a load-bearing wall.

mourning a horrible person when they die is like mourning a cancer when it's been cured

Guy in the cafe just tried to preempt my order, which yes I do make every Saturday. Unfortunately what he doesn't know is that the only thing I love more than a maple pecan plait and a flat white is chaos. My orders have changed, son. I'll kill me just to kill you.

"did your wife's boyfriend buy you that switch? 🫵😂" ??? no. he bought my wife the switch and she lets me use it sometimes

If you cover a ship with rhinestones, labia, and pubic mounds in order to make it difficult to estimate its range, speed, and heading, that's called vajazzle camouflage

an idea: now that science has been defunded and scientists need things to do, let them make jurassic park. and then we weaponise the dinosaurs to get cancer research back

Charlie Kirk was a vicious, racist trust fund baby who made the world a worse place. I am the CEO of Antifa Inc. and I approve of this message.

May I interest you in a handjob?

"cancel culture doesn't feel so good does it" mfs not knowing the difference between actual public backlash and the president personally targeting people who make fun of him

technology used to be cool, but now it’s owned by the worst, most moneysick humans on the planet. but there are transsexual furry hackers out there still fighting the good fight

idk seems risky to force the left into boycotting every media outlet. if you don’t like us now, just wait until we’re bored and focused

Only an enormous pussy hears "Trans people deserve to be left alone to live long, happy, fulfilling lives" and decides they're dealing with terrorists. Unimaginably fragile.

Yes, dear, I agree we must cancel Disney+ on principle. What's that? It's our only source for streaming The Santa Clause? Which we do multiple times each year for some reason? Dammit! Damn this cruel moral sacrifice! But we must. We must.

THEM: this isn’t the America I know NATIVE AMERICANS:

Warning Anal-bead pulling for the next 3km

I believe that we should be afforded the same grace and dignity in death that we gave our perceived enemies in life. So when I die, you can talk SO much shit. Just roast the hell out of me

about to become rich making a protein vape

If you die in your mind Arby’s you die in real life