Been doing a weekly movie night with Internet friends over discord and it's very good for my mental health. I'm not touching grass but I've heard of grass

Reeve is either talking normally and the Cait Sith robot translates it into Scottish, or he's just using a regular microphone and he's doing the voice and everything from inside his Shinra office

Gonna start making T-shirt designs to sell, hope you like clothes with absolutely dogshit-level drawings on them

The kinkiest dinosaur was the dominatreoptryx.

My girlfriend, who traveled to this time period from the year 562, broke up with me for always referring to cartoons as “enchanted glyphs”

Not to sound like a philosopher but what the hell is going on.

My cat is hunting a spider by my work desk and I need to find out how to communicate that I'm not hostile to the spider, but respectfully staying neutral in this conflict

love to get my blood drawn next to a dude who's doing open mic night "and what's the deal with passing out" bro please not now they're draining my lifeforce rn

you have a seat on the council but we do not grant you the rank of shitposter

Just saw a woodpecker eat a bug off the ground and I feel so ripped off, buddy are you even trying

Only losers hate on trans kids 🏳️‍⚧️

Some slug species consume their mate's genitals. So what I like isn't that weird. Put the horse mask back on, Paul Revere got to ride

maybe she's born with it, maybe she's exhausted by the mounting list of things she's asked to change about herself in order to be attractive

I went to my so-called "doctor" about the pain I'm getting from my snake bites and he tells me to take the snakes off my arm Imao okay quack

I'm seeing shrimp colors(they are very small)

roses are red big laughs are hearty

legally mamdani now gets to take sliwa’s hat

This point in Interesting Times History is really great at reminding us why so much political commentary throughout history was hidden behind three layers of symbolism and smothered in plausible deniability

"it's inevitable" has never struck me as a compelling argument for AI. never seen a genuinely useful technology ushered in with the enthusiasm of a tired mom coming to terms with the fact that her kids are going to pick up foot fungus at a community pool.

we should release a new world map where the US is really small

Oh, Dick Cheney died? Well-- *sees Bluesky mod around corner* What's really important is championing the open protocol.

black forest ham, dark fortress chicken, cursed talisman turkey

Taking a nap is my first line of defence. I will frequently nap to avoid paying bills, cleaning my house, acknowledging my feelings, dealing with the increasing amount of blood dripping from the walls etc

Do you ever drip dry in the shower for a while pretending you're a terminator that just arrived?

"I am finally free of this forsaken space rock!" I say, flourishing my cape and morphing into an electrified swirl.

nancy reagan welcoming dick cheney to hell

watching mamdani win and realizing there are competent people younger than me stepping up so I don’t have to is the most I’ve ever related to generation X

rip dick cheney, who farted so hard inside his custom biohazard suit that he choked on his own emissions 😢

gotta say it's pretty ridiculous being governed by people who take testosterone supplements and boner pills but don't want anyone else to have gender affirming care

They aren't afraid of Mamdani, they are worried about what he would unleash among VOTERS. That those voters would say: "actually, we're not buying this centrist bullshit you've been shoveling for decades, we want something else." That's what's being litigated in these Dem elites are worried essays.

news reporter: so you really saw an alien and aren't just saying that to get on tv? me with better haircut than usual: yeah that's right

Fellow writers, have you had any luck using tiktok/reels to sell your books? (take this as an opportunity to tell everyone what book you wrote, please and thank you)

[aliens who only researched humanity through its browser history] "We bring you the knowledge you seek...the knowledge of how to fuck butts”

We got a problem, bro? We got a problem? Maybe we just take it outside! Come on! There’s an arboretum not far from here and we could just walk and be with trees, bro! And by “bro” I DO mean brother! Put this problem in PERSPECTIVE! (friends hold me back)

Why don't you make like a cannabis plant and exist in a quasi-legal gray area depending on what state you're in?

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

Apparently "Love is a Battlefield" isn't an appropriate answer as to why on my date I had the infantry charge up the middle while mounted cavalry flanked from both sides.

I’ve had it today with ignorant people so don’t be ignorant in my mentions or I will crawl into your walls and destroy your house like a termite

What authors are big in the humor space right now? The stuff I gravitate towards would be stuff like John Swartzwelder on the obscure mainstream end, and self-published books by shitposters. But I wanna know who you're into

just hear me out: thrice baked potato

We could solve the male loneliness epidemic if we just let men be islands

I delete posts not because I am ashamed, but because it’s fun to think of some of them as limited edition

no one asked for an extra hour of life. read the room.