Everyone told me to read Band books but which band

Me flirting

Me, flirting.

“Are those Rick and Morty shoes? Ngl those are kinda fire” Yes they are my good sir, I see you’re also a man of impeccable tastes.

Eating her pussy before even taking your pants off is called going down but not out.

the subtle racism of a playlist of mid white rappers

Oh, you wanna get to know ME better? You wanna binge the cringe?

I’ll have what she’s having , but it’s just an existential crisis.

I hope when we are ancient history , they will discover texts about twin peaks and the twin towers and they interpret them as the same thing. Leaving future historians baffled and tragically, delightfully entertained.

I need a new PCP. Really, you’re “itching to get a look at my bloodwork”?

Is it getting railed in a comfy sweater season yet?

Coffee ain’t enough. I need Conee. I know I know. Give me a break, I haven’t had my Conee yet.

I’m riding the being called papimongo high at least all weekend.

The best compliments are the ones you don’t even know what they mean until you walk away and google them.

your honor, every single crunchwrap is more supreme than this court

I also sit down corrected sometimes too

Yelling penis loudly in public in lieu of Therapy

It’s kind of unnerving to think some of my peers are one black don’t wake daddy game away from wanting to start a race war but I guess this is America.

Anything less than having a baby with your coworker is just innocent flirting. I don’t make the rules.

Boost for me pretty please 🙌🏾🥰😘🫶🏾🤗 please!

Okay Texas Instruments . What the fuck am I supposed to do with a motor driver ic data sheet that has no Pinout ?

Surely to work on a sandwich throwing side mission.

If you aren't seeing skeets from some of your fave people, they might have been labeled "Rude" by bsky mods. Idk what they are thinking, I don't need a mommy to tell me who to be buddies with. Anyway, go into Settings > moderation > bluesky moderation (advanced) and turn Rude off.

Look, I’m not great at this sexting thing. Can I juggle your rock hard tits or not?

Did you know the G in Good Morning stands for “Guzzling terrible coffee”

Hot Lips would still be called Hot Lips.

Sure you’ve heard of “Marky Mark” but have you heard of “Fuckity Fuck shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker”

Would a porn parody of M*A*S*H just be called M*A*S*H

Anyone else almost shit their pants all the time while driving ? Need a hot tip?

Ok guys back to communism. Libbing out was fun but let’s stay focused

I knew it would take less than a day for a tiktok dj to make something.

Today is an absolute rebuke of anti-transgender politics, and a real sign that the anti-trans panic is fading. From VA Gov to Loudoun County to New Jersey to New York City and Pennsylvania, anti-trans Republicans are falling left and right.

anyone else think this whole Dick Cheney death narrative is a little... off? ex-VPs just don't suddenly die. I have questions and so should you.

To the tune of Welcome To The Jungle: 🎵 Teepee for my Bung-hole! 🎵

Sure democracy being at stake bites, but at least there’s Arby’s Steak Bites™️. Get yours today!

Voting used to make me feel better at least temporarily .

How cold would it have to be outside for you to cum hail?

wow he’s not even mayor yet and Zohran already killed Dick Cheney 🥰

hug your war criminals a little tighter today

Sure we can all agree he was a terrible person, but it’s like I told all those horrified people on the bus. Sometimes it’s the Dick you CAN’T see that you have to worry about.

If you come at me with any take that implies Poverty is a moral failing just know i’ve written you off as an intellectual simpleton who thinks cruelty is virtue

i’m dick cheney yes i’m the real cheney all you other dick cheneys are just imitating so won’t the real dick cheney burn in hell burn in hell burn in hell

good morning girls and toys today is the day i still need $555 to cover rent thank you to the ppl who sent while i was sleeping

Even my penis has a gold necklace , you can call me dick chainee.

“you there, what day is it?”

i hope this is how you find out about dick cheney

Dick Cheney was one of the most powerful vice presidents, but now all his lifts are deadlifts