Are you hungry at 3 AM? Do you have too many teeth? Come to Waffle House and square up, motherfucker Waffle House: Your Pit Stop On The Road To Valhalla™

Whatever it was he did, it couldn’t have been good.

Fuck you mean I failed my driver’s test? I hit every cone! If I wasn’t supposed to hit them, they wouldn’t have put them out!

We do too have a Mitch McConnell, but unfortunately you can’t meet him. He goes to school in Canada.

They'd give Statler and Waldorf a run for their money

MICROSOFT: Hey we added Copilot to that thing you use all the time. Isn’t that great? ME: It isn’t! MICROSOFT: So when are you gonna use it? ME: Never. On purpose anyway. Maybe I’ll click the Copilot button by accident MICROSOFT: I’m counting that as user adoption. Copilot is *killing it*

I was hooked on phonics once. The withdrawals were brutal. Went completely nonverbal for a few weeks.

My generation was brought up on Pokemon (follow your dreams) and Dragonball Z (you have no limits). Your generation was brought up on Fortnite (buy a cool hat) and Roblox (buy a cool hat).

Come on, just be normal

Most relatable robot ever

I’m a menace to society in that I can only be blocked by 2 or more societies

I like to think Billy Joel wasn’t referring to himself as the Piano Man, but instead that the Piano Man was some kind of entity or cryptid or maybe even a Megaman Boss

The teeth must flow

You can if you’re talented Anyone saying you can’t is self-reporting

they are so close to discovering global warming

Having my organs removed and preserved in my collection of Dunkin' Canopic Jars.

1: “You hang up” 2: “No, YOU hang up” 1: “Nooo, YOU hang up” 2: “I’m not gonna hang up, you hang up” MISSION CONTROL: “CLEAR THE FUCKING COMMS”

celebrating the good parts of america today. if you don’t think there are any good parts, just look to all the stuff the fascists are desperate to stifle

Maybe? It’s not like the topic of my really comic comes up much in conversations, but I am aware that a few friends and family read it on the regular I honestly think it’s partly a product of the algorithms algorithming where, despite me posting regularly, they often don’t see it regularly.

*stops repeating everything* No more Mr. Twice Guy

I have a feeling someone, somewhere pitched “Beat The Kids” as the original title

it’s so funny to imagine a silicon valley striver getting invited to a top-secret “ideas conference” ready to learn the Secrets of the Elites only to get trapped on an understuffed hotel chair for eight hours while a very sweaty billionaire rants about how the Actual Devil lives inside chinese RAM

BLUESKY TIP: If you quote-post a skeet but leave the quote blank, I'm just going to assume you're drunk.

Same image with alt text:

Don’t worry, he’s living that “OH YEAH” life nowadays

ME: Can you do literally anything other than dissociate right now? MY BRAIN: ME: Seriously, *anything* MY BRAIN: ME: See you in 6-8 business days I guess

if a stage falls apart and there is no one there t

It’s like he’s slowly morphing into whatever his version of Pirate Clark is

I am a simple man If your restaurant’s menu has a burger that uses grilled cheeses as the burger bun, I’m going to fucking order it

Whoever decided that Cable needed to drink a chocolate milkshake in this scene was absolutely right. Zero notes Please add more completely unnecessary (to the narrative) details that let these characters be actual fucking humans.

She a little confused, but she got the spirit

Horton Hears A Fucking Murder

TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAVE, WITH A BUNCH OF SCRAPS

“Coffee makes you poop” Two Celsius and an Adderall make you exorcise a demon

please tell me these also explode during use like his rockets and cars

i checked the mail and got a usps new resident card that has what feels like post apocalyptic environmental storytelling

"you're sure you weren't followed, right? good. whoever it was you pissed off, they're bad news, because this radinsky character you had me look into is worse. we have a lot to cover, you'd better go order"

My body just fucken rejected the heat today. I stepped one step outside and it just said “fuck this” and started leaking all over

Live Laugh Lattlestar Galactica

Not according to the memes I see on Facebook

Feels like every day we wake up and get to find out what new rights are trying to be taken from us, like we’re opening Satan’s advent calendar

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

The existence of the Kennedy Center implies the existence of a Kennedy Headshot wait NO FUCK FUCK DELETE DELETE

Blink twice if you need help, buddy.

BREAKING: Dr Oz does not fundamentally understand how insurance works

Old enough to recognize this as a data center

Never did find out what was up with the hat

And lo, Jesus said unto His disciples, “Invest in crypto. Don’t be a little bitch, we’re all going to the moon” and then did a fat rip of His vape

ChatGPT, how do I quickly remove red wine stains from my clothes so that a police offer doesn’t suspect I got someone else’s red wine all over my clothes?