current drunk level: finding my eyeglasses sitting on the vanity and saying "hmm... these may come in handy" to myself like an fmv adventure game protagonist

i thought herbivores were all bottoms and carnivores all tops until i saw an allosaur getting slutted out in the club last week. rethinking all my stereotypes

but by the time i realized Penis Magic wasn't real, the Horny Archmage had already cast Vanish...

Kat Sauta-Debag

Painette Dapump

i stumble up to you at 5:39pm, blood trickling from one nostril, enthusiastically flapping my arms and shouting "fordwenny smork em if you gork em!!!!"

i'm at the [static hiss] i'm at the [burst of noise] i'm at the combination [static hiss] and [burst of noise]

chemically welding my bits back together with Pocari Sweat

Swedish Bodyfukk Alliance - My Pussy Is A DJ (Extended Ibiza Doublegrind)

as someone new to regularly lucid dreaming the whole experience is still pretty weird but the premonition that it's going to happen as i fall asleep is especially trippy

i met a couple lovely new gentlemen tonight and several new fast travel destinations appeared on my gay minimap

[mostly dead at my desk] i am a good decision maker

putting on my tiara and departing to solve the problem

everyone knows about girl dinner and boy dinner now. but do you know what enby dinner is? if you said a single fist sized almond, you're correct!

you said you were my bagel buddy, yet here you are oppressing my hole

i want to hang with them so bad

boyfriend stomping my foot under the table as i inadvertently call baby Yoda "Gringo" again

can't wait to find out who's opening for them

I FELL IN TO A BURNING

Telling another cowboy to stand down:

Wakeys, the specially formulated breakfast cigarette

blood is made of rad stuff like plasma and hemigoblins

we've all got that one homie who is a piteous wretch scorned by man and beast alike

The Mysterious Mistress of Mosspussy Manor

taking the Falling Down 100 Stairs Challenge

Ape Lord scratches his head and beckons you forward. > [Ape Customs] Make your obeisance to Ape Lord, appropriate to his rank > [Fruit (2)] Offer Ape Lord a Fruit > Taunt Ape Lord

networking event was mostly a success but my competitor deployed a fuckboi honeytrap that i wasted a fair bit of time on... amateur hour behavior from me really...

surveiling downtown cuties as the last train approaches

going to an industry event featuring paella, can't wait to spill that all over my formal wear

tonight's heavily discounted treat: kinako mousse parfait

reginos problem? reginos problem tonight queen?

we've all got that one homie who is becoming woozy and incoherent due to blood loss

cute girl on the bus: what are you listening to? (in my airpods) 𝐼 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑑𝑎 𝑡𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡. 𝑂𝑜𝑔𝑎 𝐵𝑜𝑜𝑔𝑎! 𝐼’𝑚 𝑑𝑎𝑡 𝑇𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑀𝑎𝑛! me: Beethoven

exiled to Cloutfarm Island after posting "is it just me or was Harpo Marx kinda twunk-y with it???"

i'd still be a Chipp Zanuff main but he'd be named TRAVERSE=TRITT

breakfast flavored trough style trough breakfast for dinner tonight!!!

i DO NOT recommend pizza hut's new "Joker's Trick" style crust

my underappreciated German older sister

fascinated by the speed at which people eat here. my understanding is that by most standards Americans are pretty quick eaters but i can't hold a candle to your average salaryman

one time when I was in university studying in the library there was a little hole in the drywall with an arrow that said “in here” and I looked in the hole and there was a folded up piece of paper that said “in here” and when I unfolded the paper a bunch of pubes fell out and it said “pubes”

pretty good view of the Skytree last night

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: lux spends most of their time stumbling drunkenly around their Tokyo apartment, saying "I'm gonna bust! Hyuk!" in a terrible Goofy voice

FRESH & HEALTHY 𝓢𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓭 PREMIUM QUALITY

dude slow down slow down i'm gonna goo-it

posting my front on main for god and everybody to see 🙈

when will my husband, SKELEMUS, return from skeleton war

another blissful year with my common law husband, an enchanted clockwork grasshopper named Merlin

cryptically asking my husband if he thinks we have "kombucha money"

it's been almost 1.5 years since i moved to Tokyo but i still have some "damn i really live here" moments

Claim 2: Fame