enjoying a late night treat of some seven eleven """"pizza""""

inside of me are two wolves

artist's interpretation of me wandering into another grindr meetup destined to go horridly awry

pouring a tiny amount on a rag and dying instantly

sorry i fed your twin sons a rich diet of acorns and beer

kouign-amann, so delicious it's almost worth learning how to spell

announcing a massive recall of all lots of LUXco "scorpion juice" flavored drink pouches it was honestly a terrible idea to begin with

girls the world around are ga-ga for Luxco Doll Factory's latest model: Sweaty Beverley, the Girl Who Dreads Everything

LuxCo has once again revolutionized the semiconductor industry with our trademarked "DIP8 Package with a Cock"

something DELICIOUS is happening in the LUXco kitchens! we're taking our delicious, creamy, chocolatey fudge, and putting it inside the classic 5.56 NATO cartridge

Luxco brand bar bathroom light bulbs-- guaranteed to flicker! "Leave 'em Doubting"

LuxCo brand beef jerky: the OFFICIAL snack of dying peacefully in your sleep

isn't it crazy how i live here

the ¥1500 saizeriya combo rides again

there's a group of high school boys trying to be cool and tough at the saizeriya (as usual right) but one of them has a songbird-like giggle that absolutely blows the whole routine

Full Service Restaurant - Home of the Waiter™️

great news there's still bacon and eggs in 2026

getting my duck sauced in the pf chang's restroom

happy nude year

to ring in the new year i bought almost fifty bucks of groceries including some primo wagyu steak and a bottle of cheap Bordeaux

treating myself to some panda-yaki

bout to risk it all for my homie's hanging tender meat 🫨🥴

Challenger rolls "worst joint ever," asked to leave Kitchen Stadium VIP room.

today i made mochi at my friend's family home

guzzling down my complimentary hotel breakfast gruel!!! with coffee from bean scorchers international

roomba with human penis

anybody else just immediately feel calmer when they get put back in their crate

despite my advanced degrees in comparative magicology, i am most frequently seen doing a 1d4 damage melee attack with my stupid little staff

pov: beer run with my cat

in ye olde days, jesters would carry a special bugle to make that era's equivalent to the [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER] noise

when you insult me you're insulting the award-winning team of dozens of puppeteers and special effects wizards responsible for bringing my baffling physical presence to life. so maybe think twice about your careless words

one time i walked in on my roommate doing "medical in-door gymnastics" in the living room 😳

i can't believe you're doing this to me. i can't believe you're living in a floating egg right now

it's friday baby! why not kick off your evening with this SHYAH!-ntastic George Yanagi cover of Big Country's "In A Big Country?" In a big country 漂い行く 遥かな国　荒れ野の果て El Dorado SHABADAH!

fwipfwipfwipfwipfwip

BABY KING, the leading name in 5-Pack Toddler Toothbrush

sleep interrupted by the joyous thrum of the Christmas Anomaly

last christmas you came in my mouth but the very next day you said "i'm not gay"

you can't be sparkling like that, white Christmas

getting my parumpa pum-pummed in the manger

I see Santa is trending, which can only mean one thing. RIP, brother 🙏 Thanks for all the crap.

i have decided to go meat mode in honor of the holiday

SCROOGE: You there, homosexual! What day is it? ME: OK first of all

i have recently grown out my facial hair for the first time in years and the reception among women, whom i love and whose judgment i implicitly trust, has been universally positive. among men, who critically i prefer to sleep with, the reception has been mixed lol

we all remember the excitement of being a little kid on Christmas Eve, trying to hold your body perfectly still under the covers, waiting for the obliterating hum of Santa's approaching sled to blot out your senses

need a mod for real life where getting laid regularly prevents me from getting weird over guys who are a patently bad idea

To me, this is a no brainer. But I am curious to see what people choose.

Are You Dating Me??? Bingo

responding to both "happy holidays" AND "merry christmas" with "NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!"