me dealing with my regrets after messaging someone obviously out of my league on Grindr

with all due respect you just fell for my trick, your honor

suspended my usual Friday debauchery to welcome my brother to Japan but he's asleep so now i am sucking down Chamisul and having a lil solo party in the bedroom

KEEP HONKING I'M DISCOVERING THE SECRET OF THE PYRAMID

met me at the けものの山道 in the next 14 minutes if you want to kiss

I saw Goody Proctor with her straight boyfriend at pride

obsessed with underground idol group Qniko's new video

my high paying job? my beautiful husband? my enviable lifestyle? i got them all the same way: doing the Krankor laugh from Prince of Space

still fuck with this album heavy almost 10 😬🥲 years later

inside of me are two wolves

npr tiny dick concert

+10 HP, Stamina Bar completely refilled

and he fuckin SUCKS

japes bf jests gf

Welcome to The Cum Report, I'm Terry Cowper; Jim Cum is on assignment.

woah damn didn't have a new Daughn Gibson album on my radar for this year

babe have you seen my ice mummy stomach yeast anywhere? i swear i left it right here.... you made WHAT with it?????

a Latin phrase roughly translating as "to wave one's little pecker at Caesar"

attending a professional training seminar aimed at helping executives develop jump kicks and other useful aerial attacks

i keep getting little flashbacks of this and it's helped me drink much less the last few days lol

ran out for cigs and a beef bowl and now i can truly say i have been railed by Typhoon Number Six

cute new underwear acquired

oh no i accidentally got the McBigboy set. oh well 600 fl oz of Sokenbicha is still 0 kcal. time to try the seasonal Hakata mentaiko teriyaki burger

the supermarket was totally picked over by typhoon panic buyers so i decided to get my semiannual McDonalds

I'm Jim Cum, and this... is The Cum Report [theme music plays]

celebrating 3 decades of wanting to eat one of those Energon Cubes from Transformers

having one random dance song nobody else has ever heard that you go absolutely apeshit for is queer culture

honestly astonished that i somehow did not know until today there was a proto-visual-kei band called BY-SEXUAL

lmao neighborhood gossip acquired (i work right next to the SMJ building)

almost posted "clicker training the soft animal of your body" before remembering that is the normative sexual expression of most Bluesky users

(texting my friend Evil Larry) me: what's up dude Larry: matters most vile

there's no culture of giving normal human names to storms here so i have to post things like "getting railed by Typhoon Number Six"

bro have you seen my good items anywhere?

me last summer after yet another dream about k***ing e**n m**k

HIM: you better not be wearing Robes for Pythagoras when i get there MY SILLY ASS:

SCROOGE: You there, homosexual! What day is it? ME: OK first of all

tonight's rare kanchū selection: kiwi and grapefruit -196

another subway ride home with The Reeking Wafter

met a really cute guy at the bar's anniversary party last night and watched him barf into the dish sink a few hours later

celebrating my American heritage by wadding up a McDonalds hamburger, shouting KOBE! and throwing it into a toilet

getting railed to the soothing melody of Pennsylvania 6-5000

jokers trick

the REALLY good ones are more expensive...

current drunk level: finding my eyeglasses sitting on the vanity and saying "hmm... these may come in handy" to myself like an fmv adventure game protagonist

just finished working the 5th anniversary party for the bar i work at and then post celebration drinks out at a friend's bar and damn i love living here tomorrow is going to hurt but today was beautiful

Butterfield's Stench Emporium to close after 87 years. apparently everyone's getting their stink online these days

Cult of the Mystery Dribble

think i set a new personal best in the ratio between customers i waited on and drinks i was bought at the bar tonight