if anyone knows the pigeon sweater lady who’s destroying on jeopardy right now please let her know i would like to respectfully invite her to a wedding. our wedding.

caught a law and order svu episode last night with an absolute murderer’s row of featured players. in the space of one hour you get Alfred Molina, Bradley Cooper as his lawyer, and the most iconic piece of wardrobe to ever come out of that show, the sex crimes softball team shirt

lol at both-sidesing a dude calling your wife a literal, by-the-book racist slur absolute acorn dick behavior she should have changed the locks on the naval observatory before he got home

Now, now, Donald Trump and those in his thrall never make any claims about their political enemies that aren’t totally substantiated, so we shouldn’t either

Nick Sirianni dribbling this out like he didn’t kick the fight off by going for two up 17 with 4 minutes left! truly one of the most intolerable weasels in coaching

I love to leave my life of unimaginable luxury at the apex of my profession to travel to the windowless lair of a video game streamer with a room-temp IQ so I can do the most absolute dogshit banter imaginable with him and his lumpy shithead buddies.

Sincerely one of the funniest things the WSJ has ever written or done. www.wsj.com/tech/ai/anth...

oh weird. Gavin Newsom, who looks like every character actor who’s made a living off of “guys who double-cross the protagonist” is turning out to be untrustworthy

the unemployment office has used two months and 346 pages of tax returns to come to the conclusion that I made zero dollars last year. staggering work. will enjoy not seeing a different number on my taxes in three months, surely

for the love of god, Montresor, you’re going to make me cum!!!

more tarkov the mean russian game www.twitch.tv/pig_dog

everyone else in the pluribus mentally begging me to stop thinking about a little egg with a big human ass. i ignore them and start making him dance. an airliner crashes in the distance

my dog lookin like the Child of Prophecy over here

did some more cartoons

this question drives me absolutely bonkers. 9 times out of 10 the strangest art you see was made by someone stone-cold sober.

Hello it is bandcamp friday which means i get every SINGLE PENNY should you choose to purchase my comedy album at www.illegaldrugmarketplace.com :))))

no i do not want to give you my email for 10% off. and furthermore, I don’t think i should have to click a button that says “i’m a dumb bitch” to indicate that. you’re a website that sells blankets and you can’t speak to me like that.

nfl refs when a game starts getting good

You are infinitely closer to struggling than you ever will be to billionaires

i know WHY this is but that just makes it even more of a kick in the pants lmao

happy thanksgiving. i made some potatoes

Tomorrow I will defeat my family.

parents will pack up two cookies like they’re soil samples from Chernobyl

“hey man have you been going to the gym? the one that does really illegal surgeries in the back room?”

i take frenzy damage every time i see someone go "well i just use it for the boring stuff". what are you TALKING about? if it's boring or unimportant, why are you putting it in? NPC dialogue is fertile ground for worldbuilding, creating verisimilitude, conveying important information, and hijinks!!

i love how the gov’t is spying on every aspect of our lives 24/7 but when you have to ask them for anything they’re like “we’ve never heard of you?? in fact some of the guys in our office think you might be simply some sort of trick of the light?? à la Pepper’s Ghost? fax us 8 years of tax returns”

hamnet

ME: damn. they fucked his shit up. OTHER LAW & ORDER DETECTIVES: that’s not really the kind of language we like to use in this unit.

if you get up early there’s so much more of the day to be tired for!

getting cold outside. time to think about that news video of the kid going out in the blizzard to buy jackoff cream

back home for thanksgiving. excited to watch The Mentalist on my parents’ tv. the way it was meant to be viewed. parents’ tv? motion smoothing on? that’s like the 70mm of crime procedurals

submitting cartoons to the new yorker again so i’ll probably post some of the rejects here

they fucked up and let movies and tv get so bad that they stopped distracting people from realizing how fucked up things are you can’t have nothing to watch AND expensive eggs

in 10 minutes I will be streaming a game I never beat as a kid. it in retrospect was one of the stranger games I've ever played and I'm doing this as much to prove to myself it existed as anything. Dynamite Headdy at www.twitch.tv/pig_dog

put my oregon trail stream on youtube if you need some soothing background noise (where a child contracts typhoid repeatedly) www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUZN...

from: [email protected] to: [email protected] Hello Jeffrey! Remind me again which pokémon you would like to choose? from: [email protected] to: [email protected] bulb asar

the frustration the epstein investigators must have felt having to go through thousands of emails of old men sending each other entire copy/pasted WSJ articles with broken formatting

well well well

what’s up with all the emails coming from “jeevacation” anyways. like did they only ever crack his alt OOO email? def feels like these were all tapped out haphazardly on an iphone

damn i didn’t even know he was sick

i don’t know why mattress commercials feature athletes. they should feature me i spend like 12 hours a day in there i know my stuff

one-shot the oregon trail on teacher (hardest difficulty). only half my kids died. podium finish. light work for a true adventurer like yours truly. buffalo one-tapped off spawn. don't even talk to me about dysentery. drink better water and get good.

"We're the Neopets on a long forgotten account of God" - @eliyudin.com

the people demanded it. brayed for it like donkeys. scratched at my door until their fingers bled. eliyudin.bigcartel.com

tonight at 6 eastern i will attempt what i never could as a child... to traverse the dangers of the oregon trail in search of a better life twitch.tv/pig_dog

if you slide RFK Jr’s left eye up a door opens in the Resident Evil mansion

the pictures guinness world records takes when they give out the “oldest living person” awards are funnier than i think they intend them to be