A sports branded acoustic guitar has such bad vibes. Sneaking away to a basement mancave from a BBQ of the world’s driest burgers because the wife suggested you’d had enough to drink ass instrument

me: Tesla, activate pond mode TESLA: pond mode activated. filling vehicle with water me: thank you tesla

Maybe impromptu Marvel Rivals stream in 30? Twitch.tv/pig_dog

They did DIY on a toucan

Every establishment dem statement has the energy of a substitute teacher that just got locked out of the classroom by the students

some people were asking if i would upload my twitch vods of my dark souls 3 playthrough to youtube so I did. some bits are missing because oops!!! sorry youtube.com/playlist?lis...

It turns out we were all going to see Pup at Brooklyn Paramount

Just passed my annual New York City physical fitness test (locked myself out and had to climb over a gate)

Is trump’s video AI his pinky is doing real weird stuff

look at my FBI director dawg we are never finding this man

The dream was having sex with Annabelle

“My lord recently set out into the forest in search of a great boar… he almost drowned fighting his own reflection in a pond!” *the king & his advisors roar with laughter* “With wits like that, it’s no wonder he so often fails to find victory in foreign lands!” *the feast hall falls silent*

There are two doors and two guards. One leads to death, the other to freedom. You can ask one guard one question. However, one of the guards only tells the truth, while the other only says “wahoo” How do you proceed

Many are calling it "a very funny comedy special". Come for the jokes, stay for the tales!!!

eli’s special is so fucking good, you guys.

Been watching a lot of tv lately. Mixed bag of stuff on there but some gems as well

Btw I stream on twitch now. It’s pretty fun imo. I’ll be streaming at 3 eastern today (and most Mondays) or you can just follow Https://www.twitch.tv/pig_dog

This absolutely ruled and I laughed and smiled throughout. 'Grant Nevens' (sp?) remains my favorite bit and character Hell yeah @eliyudin.com youtu.be/g9NT46SGqFY?...

This was super fun!!

Thanks to everyone who watched my special it is at 10K views! Which makes me feel like I am at least not screaming into the void unanswered. So that’s nice youtu.be/g9NT46SGqFY

@eliyudin.com's special "Humble Offering" is tons of fun. I grabbed and rough-chopped a build-up and pay-off bit that really got my ass. www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9NT...

more dark souls 3 first playthrough in 18 mins at www.twitch.tv

Eli is funny and this special is funny!!!

It's very funny folks.

i went to the taping of Eli's special and it was really good. you should watch it

Here is a clip from my new special if you like it there is approximately 49 more minutes where that came from!!

Hell yeah!

IT'S ELI DAY

Watch @eliyudin.com's first special, and I’ll thank you now, but you’ll be thanking ME later!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9NT...

MY SPECIAL IS LIVE PLEASE WATCH I’M VERY PROUD OF IT youtu.be/g9NT46SGqFY?...

My debut comedy special comes out on YouTube tomorrow at noon and I would simply love if you “checked it out”

Feel bad haven’t been able to stream last 2 weeks with special stuff. Gonna stream marvel rivals and chill in 5 mins www.twitch.tv/pig_dog

I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.

AI art is truly impressive in how little it manages to activate the brain. Dark gray heat map skull to stem. It’s like a robot from Westworld looking at their own blueprints. A page from a coloring book where a 4 yr old made a horse green asks more of the viewer

Love a spicy soup but man you know exactly how that’s playing out on the other end. Stomach’s just like “no notes, ship it”

My daughter’s tamagotchi just evolved into a man???

as a pure matter of party politics it is insane that the top house dem won't endorse the dem nominee for mayor in his own city who appears poised to win handily. this party has allowed itself to become fractured over monied interests.

It is official. Saturday August 23 on Cracked Comedy Club YouTube page!!

JAMES BOND (Tom Holland): (into smart watch) Alexa, I need your help! I can’t get into the Amazon fulfillment centre to save the Prime Minister! There’s a large group of pro-union protestors blocking the way! MILF YOUNGLY (Lauren Sanchez): Perhaps I could be of service, Mr. Bond. I am 24 years old.

*jigsaw voice* "it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on tv"

Freakier Friday? Terrible title. The same thing happened to them once before, which makes this Friday inherently less freaky than the first one

Playinge dark souls 3 in 10 minutes twitch.tv/pig_dog

They already did it’s called 4,650 copies of Halo: Combat Evolved

The annoying spam texts destroying the Democratic brand: $678M raised through those spam tactics $282M to one consulting firm: Mothership Strategies. $11M to actual campaigns (1.6%) The party isn’t just treating donors like marks—it’s being fleeced itself yet continues to back Mothership.

I hate being bald and walking the same direction as another bald guy. It looks like we’re being summoned by our king

More Dark Souls 3 at 3 ET twitch.tv/pig_dog

Dark Souls 3 in 15 mins twitch.tv/pig_dog

Wanna get Quenched?

When you throw a dead fly in the trash you’re laying it to rest amongst a great fortune like a pharaoh