Department of Dog Murder issues report of "record low" morale from members of the Elite Dog Murder Corps. "People hate that they keep poisoning dogs. I guess they like dogs", said the Secretary of Dog Murder in an Ello post this morning, "They keep shouting at us and yelling at us to stop. It sucks"

Putting a plastic bag on your head and suffocating is healthy for you

how would history be different if zach hill found out about a different Magic deck archetype than the control deck. like mono red aggro. Then death grips' music would be really harsh and aggressive

I hope I get €200,000

Me when anything happens

What's the opposite of 9/11. Building two skyscrapers? To fix america's foreign policy we have to extrajudicially sneak into the country and build two skyscrapers

some of the problems in this country can't be solved by gaming

do you think you could score 30 points in an nba or wnba game if you were allowed to see a map of the basketball court beforehand

Guys on Bluesky right before replying “is that supposed to be a joke?” to a joke with 80,000 likes

some spec tagline work The great taste that tastes great - forever. with all of the taste - and NO artificial colours or flavourings. "MM - it's delicious." Enjoy it with confidence. The others can't compare... The flavour you crave

Speaking as a gynecologist myself, seeing a hairy pussy makes me want to barf

Nick Fuentes: Sex is gay and rape is epic, Gavin Newsom: Wow, Okay, First of all thanks for being on the pod today, second of all, I agree

asking grok "were there any school shootings where the shooters were the good guys"

Certain short form video new media personalities are complete chaos gremlins that woke up and chose goblin mode 😂

Tonight at family dinner my 1 year old baby son looked up at me with big wavering eyes and asked "Daddy, how can we best stand with ICE and the rule of law against leftist hordes who would see our most prized institutions made fodder for goats?" I fucking hate him

When I was like 7 or 8 I got really into Dilbert for a bit. Sometimes I got the jokes, more often I was just fascinated by the glimpse into the “adult” world. Then, as an adult, I got into making fun of his inscrutable whiteboard videos and hypnosis cumming stuff. Consistent source of joy in my life

I don't think we'd have all this division in society, all the hate and polarization, if Heathers (Tv Series) [2018] had been given exactly five 10-episode seasons, at least one of which was set in space

If the PS3 released with the boomerang controller nothing bad would've happened in the years since. Politics etc

The ironic thing about the Charlie Kirk assassination is that he was shot with a magic bullet that toggles your life/death status. So if he was dead it would've brought him back to life but he was alive so it just made him dead

Might be posting less often in the coming weeks as I process what happened to Ethan. Apologies

Forces loyal to embittered US president Donald J Trump have today completed the extrajudicial assassination of everyone in the entire world. Rest of world was "no angels", claims the seed oil guy who thinks fingerprints are made up

A computer

Adolf Hitler is "breaking the internet", and, "going viral", after being depicted in the semi-popular 2000s-era webcomic Sinfest. "It's time to 'Join The Conversation', on Adolf Hitler", says the guy who owns The Atlantic

Elon musk, wearing a t-shirt with the text "THE WORLD'S ULTIMATE PEDOPHILE......", smirks coquettishly as he opens a briefcase to reveal the word "Just" scrawled on an A4 sheet of ruled notebook paper

Me: (breaking spaghetti in half to fit it into the pot) Italian guy: Ay ay ay what are you doin?? You cannot a-do this! Me (still angry hours later): Italian people think you need to make love to the pasta.

One of the best to ever do it

Instagram page titled "WEIRD memes that PISS YOU OFF" posting the entirety of the movie Happy Gilmore (1996) as a video. but with a black box over adam sandler's name in the credits

Rats have access to relatively low amounts of physical power. BUT rats command extremely high levels of spiritual power

They should put a chip inside the guns that makes them impossible to fire if they're pointed at an Innocent

top ten computergames i played for the first time in 2025 10. Clover Pit 9. Nubby's Number Factory 8. Rift of the Necrodancer 7. Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom 6. Dungeons of Hinterberg 5. Kaizen: A Factory Story 4. Once Upon a Katamari 3. Monster Train 2 2. Blue Prince 1. The Hundred Line

www.computers.com. "The computer users home page"

Hey Bluebies! (that's what we call Bluesky Newbies 'round these parts🤠) We do things a lil different then Elmos Hecksite. Each post creates a "shard". 50 shards makes a Sky Gem 💎. Gems can be spent on swag like custom hats for ur PFP...but you mustnt wear hats in the Cloud Level or a Bird may attack

Here are the modes of AI criticism here: 1) Legitimate grievance based on job loss 2) skill issue: doesn't want to learn new things 3) ILLEGITIMATE grievance based on job GAIN 4) being mean to me. Kicking my ASS and making me SQUEAL!!!!! 6) Bet you didnt notice I skipped number 5 7) Your smiling now

I guess now we know what he was smoking when he came up with his ideas for how to be president

Thumbs up to my best friends. And thumbs down to my worst enemies...

For those who are annoyed by TIME's decision, I will be announcing a competing "Person of the Year". Sadly the winner of this title will also go to The Architects of AI

emily dickinson used chatgpt to write her poems. that's why they have so many dashes, and why each line starts with a different emoji bullet point

before AI the most embarrassing thing you could do in an internet argument was angrily post a photo of yourself flexing shirtless in the mirror

"I don't agree with their position but I respect it" Couldn't be me. I only respect the correct

In the olden days people used to have to go to the agora to learn deep truths. Nowadays to find the realest shit imaginable you have to look at the comments for youtube shorts clips of moderately successful movies

My friends offhandedly mention they've been casually tooling around a bit and come out with incredible works of art. meanwhile I spend 3 months telling everyone I'm working on an extremely difficult project and then post a Prodigy tierlist where I accidentally put Invaders Must Die in both A and C

Just imagined a new guy I hate: someone who loves the tune of Temporary Secretary but wishes Paul would stop doing the comedy American accent. Fuck you dude you don't deserve the joy music provides

If I was in the TENET universe I would be a doctor who kills time-reversed badguys by healing them until they die...

Oldstyle opinion: We need more weird perverts making strange art! Newstyle opinion: We need more great artists. Making the world's most fantastic art

was drifting off to sleep but I suddenly imagined the world's largest bee and scared myself awake. Luckily I am able to resume my slumber once I think of an even larger bee but this one's on my side

Just learned about a new guy called Trump. He was famous from being on a reality TV show called "The Apprentice" and is now a wealthy Oscar Wilde-esque socialite. Love him or hate him Trump is here to stay. Follow on for more posts, unless I die of natural causes or in an accident or I kill myself.

But have the ai derangement syndrome afflicted userbase of bluesky actually considered some of the material positive benefits of chatGPT? For example, it makes it easier than ever for really shitty annoying people to piss you off

Interesting. A third option

The lion freaks out when the small dog barks. He hates it