Speaking Tooth to Kaur: My Time as an Instapoet’s Dentist

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, Her Mandalorian, and Grogu

hey john. its your cousin marvin. marvin cage! you know that new sound youve been looking for? well listen to this *hangs up phone*

when i was growing up in los banos there was a meth guy in town who was always nice and one time he told me he was going to go to the gas station for snacks and instantly took off running full speed like t-1000 up th middle of the street

Proust Baking Company Recalls Thousands of Madeleines

More like bring me the Verizon

Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S. https://theonion.com/despondent-shohei-ohtani-figured-he-would-have-met-steve-o-after-8-years-in-u-s/

its funny that the admin who got caught whacking his shit has the word rod in his name. but it’s less funny because of what he was whacking his shit to. overall i give it a 4/10.

Steve Reich announces he's almost figured out the drums on Korn's "Got the Life"

QUESTION: What is your favorite kind of bean? ANSWER: Green been.

“The Elder Scrolls” is what they say about you when you’re on your phone!

learn what a courtyard is before you get on mic ok

MAGNETO: Behold MAGNETO, the MASTER OF MAGNETISM! PUTDOWN: damn master a toothbrush BURNBOOK: white hair ass meryl streep looking motherfucker MAGNETO: I find your new recruits lacking, Charles. Their cruel words are as ineffective as metal bullets to bend to my will! BURNBOOK: pedophile looking ass

biggest millennial hit is le tigre deceptacon. don’t believe me just throw it on touchtunes at any bar with a pinball machine.

every time he gets caught in this position he just stays locked in it

'San Franciso and Oakland had seemingly endless rainbows of dazzling bands including Erase Errata, Subtonix, Numbers, K.I.T., Gravy Train!!!!, The Lowdown, Deerhoof, Dynasty Handbag, Coachwhips...' Organic Intelligence LVI: The US West Coast Early 00s Underground buff.ly/5edBqQM

no dog in this race since i live 1000 feet outside of la city limits but rae huang started running for mayor before nithya raman did

"I'm making French bread pizzas for dinner"

ELMER FUDD: ahhhhhwwwaa..... da spice mewange.... found oenwe on da desert pwanet of awwakis

the spurs give you a bunch of fine digestifs in garbage time. bismack biyombo running hooks, olynyk threes, lindy waters iii logo threes. there's plumlee minutes but nobody drinks those

Ace news from Sam Farzin here. In a reflection on and photos from @openmelody.bsky.social this year, he notes "Open Melody 2027 will take place from Friday April 2nd to Sunday April 4th 2027." So, see you all there! Heads up @quartzcity.bsky.social @omrgo.bsky.social www.instagram.com/p/DYBDnUSmZMO/

these people need to stop besmirching the good name of the honorable and widely respected los angeles clippers

World Famous Skateboarding Cow Satisfies Group At BBQ

i dont know anything about tge personality test letters but i still think a funny thing to say after beating someone's ass would be "someone come scrape this INTJ off the floor"

“And notice, gentlemen, the faster I go, the more Simmons sounds like a motorboat.”

rudy giuliani has died. he ran through a 7th-story window after thinking that he saw The Noid hovering just outside of it.

When there are two onion rings accidentally included in my Burger King french fries

brickston celtbricks

There Are Timecubes Everywhere For Those With Eyes To See

Happy May Day

Fortunato (coughing): You’re certain the Criterion Closet is down here Montresor (picking up a trowel): Definitely. Have you thought about your picks yet

thank you to a student for sharing this bookmark from the campus library, which attributes a point made by Herbert Simon in the 1970s to Mr. Beast

lmao

iggy pop is still the most deranged man in rock music more than 50 years after all the shattered glass and peanut butter

They should have been called Creedence Clearwater Musicians. Less confusing! Likewise the Rolling Stones should have been the Rolling Musicians. And the Beatles, the Musicians of course.

grimdark betty boop reboot

the electric sun 20 were crisis actors

we have plenty of stupid buildings

Archaeologists Uncover Embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly Dynasty https://theonion.com/archaeologists-uncover-embarrassing-egyptian-rockabilly-dynasty/