As it’s Saturday afternoon, and I’ve already walked Hamish, I’m thinking about air frying a whole chicken, serving it with Stornoway black pudding, asparagus, and mash. All of it prepared whilst listening to an excellent audiobook and drinking at a Keith Floyd level.

Holy Shit! *'Bucky Bomb', bearing in mind that the very alcoholic Buckfast has 3 times the caffeine content of Red Bull. So, that combo should have you running round the park shouting at the pigeons in no time.

Boss: So Dougie, tell me about Georgina. Me: *sighs, then throws back shot glass of whisky* Ah, the one that got away. Boss: You're a zookeeper, none of them should get away.

From five years ago… ‘HAHAHAHAHAAA *takes breath* HAHAAHAHAHAAaaaahhh...c*nt.’

Lockdown was a weird old time, wasn’t it?

I don’t often say this about a television adaptation of a favourite novel, but this Netflix Harry Hole is bang on. And I never say this, the actor playing the heroically damaged Harry looks almost exactly as I imagined him.

You guys should do this. Think of a number between 1 and 10. Double it, Subtract 1, add 20, multiply it by 5, add 2, divide by 2, close your eyes, dark, isn’t it?

It's #TickBitePreventionWeek. Would you know how to spot one and why are they so harmful? Ticks aren't just a summer problem anymore. Due to warmer winters, these tiny beasties can be active all year. 🐾 💬 Have you spotted any ticks yet? Let’s stay vigilant and protect ourselves and our loved ones!

I reckon this is that parable about when Jesus was visiting his first girlfriend's mum and dad's hoose, and when he flushed the toilet the water just kept on rising.

‘Right, now cut the grey wire.’ ‘They’re all f*ckin’ grey, ya pr*ck!’

Four years today since The Times shat itself in the most spectacular fashion.

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

Post a non-religious picture you think of as holy.

Somewhat distracted by the view from the study this evening.

For the Hamish heads.

Midweek broiling ocean.

Ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping next to you and feel glad to be alive? I just did, so I won't be catching this train again.

I am assuming I’m in it, because I was there. An extraordinary day.

This might be the most tedious episode of Masterchef ever.

A relaxing and contemplative time on the beach with Hamish. *Sound up*

Today’s timeline cleanse. Although ten minutes before and after this we were subject to violent hailstorms.

Hello, cooking BlueSky hive mind. Just harvested these red artichokes that were planted by the previous owner. Never cooked or eaten them before so open to any suggestions or recipes you guys may have. Thanking you in advance.

I personally never commit anything to vellum until the rest of the abbey have had a look.

Entirely uncritical interview with a Scottish Reform goon on the Politics Live show on the BBC with absolutely no representation from any other party (to expose his utter bollocks). This is why in Scotland the BBC is the least trusted news source.

Ten years to the day since we lost Johan Cruyff. One day in 1972 during an Ajax v ADO Den Haag game he was standing on the touchline clutching a bit of tape to tie up his sock when the ball fell out of the sky towards him and he, tape still in hand, did this. www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eRI...

Neat thread.

I don't understand modern women. I held a door open for one today, but she just kept screaming that she was 'trying to pee in here'.

Little bit of interesting news this morning, scientists have discovered how it is, in colonies of tens of thousands living in the closest proximity, ants never become ill. Apparently, they all have little anty bodies.

Top Monday Tip: remember, you don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Waffles for lunch, & some beer. And a small mountain of butter! Fine menu selection from Georg Flegel, d. OTD 1638.

I wonder if we will pinpoint the moment decline in western civilisation became inevitable to the coating in chocolate of all the standard British biscuits.

“A life that touches others goes on forever.”

Guilty Plesiosaurs

👀 @wildobliquities.bsky.social

"What's your favourite book of the Bible, Robert?" "Tough one. I think I'd have to say The Best of the Bible"

Wife’s gone to bed early, so like any other red-blooded male I’m turning the lights down, opening a box of Cadbury’s Roses, and putting on The Other Bennet Sister.

the human body was not designed to know what the worst person in the world is doing every fifteen minutes

I was fascinated to learn today that people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, yet it turns out the people in Abu Dhabi do. *What do you people want? I’ve got a hangover, okay.

Superb thread.

World Poetry Day, so here’s my favourite poet. Memorial Norman MacCaig

Glad someone was sober at 1am this morning (not me). These pics taken in Fivepenny half a mile up the road. *Pic credit on the second image.

Jesus, they weren’t bloody joking.

*Elizabethtown: Built upon sacred marshes all were lost to the ague. *Pankhurst: Originally misspelled, every inhabitant was visited by ill fortune. *Attleeton: Failed, as everyone moved to the nearby Attleeton Stanley. *Athelstan: See above. *Seacole: The ‘No Net Zero’ floods of ‘29 washed it away.

Friday lunch out. Fritto Misto di Mare, baby! *Yes, I am still addicted to the hot deep fried pizza bread that comes with the Antipasto. **Also yes, those are naughty sea salt crystals on it. ***Negroni, followed by a bottle of Pecorino.

At last, Hamish’s kennel refurbishment is complete.

Ah, the Sir Scrotum, as it’s known round our way. *It is delicious.

Show someone who absolutely rocks a hat (that isn't Indiana Jones)

Meet the Western Isles Breakfast Pizza, complete with Stornoway Black Pudding and Square Sausage.