For my new sitcom ‘Douglas isn’t Helping’ my wife suggested I secure Jon Hamm. ‘Oh, to play me?’ I asked. ‘Well,’ she replied. ‘You just get him under lock and key, and I’ll take care of the rest.’

I'd give that a few minutes if I was you.

Cannot believe how long it’s taking to tidy up after the festive season.

Literally a publication for eight-year olds 40 years ago

This needs to be seen more - excellent anti-gambling companies attack piece by Christopher Eccleston. Good gag at 42s as well youtu.be/R6ufZU1pgs8?...

Concentrate now.

‘Oh, the water Oh, the water Oh, the water Hope it don't rain all day’

Fellow slatterns beware!

⭐ TREE DOWN I REPEAT TREE IS DOWN OVER

It always surprises me when all of the trust, lovingly built over many years of happy marriage, is routinely discarded in a single moment. 'Are you sitting on the remote?' 'No.' 'Stand up.'

I need to go to bed, but the wind is roaring in the chimney and the peat fire has burst once more into life. I guess it’s lights off and just one more dram in the sweet smelling dark flicker of the rich black earth.

*quietly steps down from Christmas table, puts down gun, and eats a brussels sprout*

Driving home on a summers day with the windows down and Hamish in the back seat.

Absolutely Hate: Dream sequences. Absolutely Love: Powell and Pressburger dream sequences.

The (very) cold light of day.

14 years later, and still funny.

A room with a view. *bedroom

Why are scientists wasting time on stuff like cold fusion, when there is still no healthy late night snack I actually want?

Oh Jesus Christ…oh no…Paddington?

Me: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!

The Hebridean Isle of Lewis’ decision to try and burn its peat before it becomes oil really paying dividends right now.

WOW!!!!!!!

Forgot to post this one

Well, sitting here in casualty, I just want to say that fellow Dyson and his so called ‘Ball Cleaner’ can expect a letter from my solicitor.

Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:

Alright, so I may have broken all of this year’s resolutions, but I tell you, I have high hopes for 2027.

This is nice.

This afternoon we have been hiding from the wind and snow behind a rock.

Utilised the recent snow to create a replica of the Matterhorn. My wife asked if it was to scale, but I said, ‘Naw, it’s jist fur lookin’ at.’

‘I cannot imagine living in a country so uncivilised as to not give their citizens two official days holiday after New Year.’ - Smug, from Scotland.

Day moving into night nicely.

Already having a lovely afternoon, when a lovely, and very funny guy I met at the Edinburgh festival a few years back turns up conducting the Vienna Philharmonic (and the audience) in the New Year’s Day Concert. Yannick Nézet-Séguin, you absolute star.

Maybe if I just lie very still, my hangover will think I’m dead and go somewhere else.

Lunch. Imperative one begins the year the way one means to carry on.

Classic New Year’s Day breakfast posted by ‘Homemade Scottish Recipes’ this morning.

The view from my study window this morning somewhat heralded what could only be described as a challenging dog walk (for me, not him).

Sadly, at only nineteen minutes into 2026, I appear to have signalled the quality of reply those I follow can expect in the coming year.

Wring the Scottish rain clouds dry; Take sleet, the driving snow, the hail; Winter twilight; the summer’s sun slowed down to pearl-sheen dusk on hillsides, city-roofs, on lochs at midnight… —Rob Butlin, “A Recipe for Whisky” 🥃 in WITHOUT A BACKWARD GLANCE (Barzan 2005) Happy New Year! #poem #poetry

Happy Hogmanay! May all of your desires be fulfilled in 2026. *Except for that one, you dirty devil.

Wha knocks at my door this Hogmanay? A cannie young lassie, limber and gay. Lips o’ mine, e’en o’ mine— Come ben, come ben tho’ ye’re deid lang syne… —Marion Angus, “Hogmanay” THE SINGIN LASS (1929) #poem #poetry #Hogmanay digital.nls.uk/works-by-sel...

Happy Hogmanay folks!

Tag yourself. Z…obviously.

It appears the theme for this Hogmanay will be ‘Blue’, and liver damage.

Almost finished preparing my finger food buffet for Hogmanay. I’ve covered most of the primates, but I’m pushing the boat out this year by adding ‘bony bite squirrel’, and the tiny, but surprisingly delicious mole digits.

Big wave energy this morning.

I tell you, you young folk brought up in the digital age will never know what we had to go through to get a decent picture on channel four.

Cannot believe just how many people turned up for that yodelling job today. I had to make them form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue.

Look no further for your Hogmanay party mix (NME Christmas 77).

RECOMMENDED The Lowdown (FX, Disney+) Loving it. That is all, carry on.