80/10 this world has legs lots of 'em

Just reading page 123 of Tender, because I like to keep up with the latest releases. This is the most pretentious thing I have ever read about the kitchen, and god knows 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 a strong field. Nigel, I'd die for you

Recently considered: squirrel or shark? Squirrel, of course. A squirrel could swim a bit. But a shark would be absolutely 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 up a tree The squirrel wins \o/

I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous

Here's part 2! (1/3)

150,000/10, no notes, get stuffed

what absolute nonsense. everyone knows where they live. lamp posts (half way up)

yesyes I know but keep your logic to yourself and just pretend ok

tried to do some research on this because I like to be helpful and anyway long story short, now I'm banned from the library AND the woods :(

just like a border collie in a lift, beautiful on a number of levels

oh no whoops

how gordon's skydiving instructor got him through his first-go nerves

absurdly pleasing likes escalation hahahahaha

THE most delicious crab clickbait, better than slightly off chicken tied to a string and dangled in the water by some rocks on an incoming tide. because it allowed just enough misreading for me to think it was an island RUN by crabs. and now obviously I'm going to be very happy thinking about that

the sky's on fire THE SKY'S ON FIRE

Hey buddy that sounds pretty tough, have you tried dipping some tortilla chips into leftover onion gravy about it

Oh christ, just had that awful realisation, you know the one. All that weird shit that's always happening in space is happening right now, isn't it.

Incredible bisonrimant.fr/produit/honk...

this is why I follow who I follow and am often overwhelmed with love about it all :)

find yourself someone who oh fuck it you write the rest I'm too tired

I'm actually saying something very very serious here

Leo turns around, tries to see who it was. but the car is disappearing around a corner, shrieks and cackles trailing from an open window. he's soaked, and so tired. his body relaxes into a kind of despair. and then, as the brush falls from his suddenly weak hand, quicker than the time it takes for

want to give me a little present, to show your quite understandable appreciation? flowers? a nice hat? maybe a slice of cake? no, hold all of those. get me this

considering the aerodynamic properties of punctuation 1/ongoing

well at last, this is the post that's really going to sort the sheep from the goats. it's only taken me about half a decade. at this stage you're either in or you're out. I'm not joking. you're going to have to choose. don't overthink it

beautiful

:(

oh dear

ahahahahahahaha

come near me with any of this kind of nonsense and I'll be a tiny speck on the far side of the pond so fast you won't even have time to blink

mumblemumble core conditions muttergrunt mirror neurons sightut youcantformatherapeuticalliancewithavacuum

I told her, I said, don't pick the mushrooms in Bruntwood Park, but did she listen? The ambulance driver was very disrespectful, I expect he went to Broadway rather than Stockport Grammar. Anyway it's all been concreted over for a big John Lewis now so the scene of the crime no longer exists.

I expect if I look this up it'll really be seneca or churchill or patricia routledge

a centipede writes in

Is today the day I manage to listen to this without it chopping me into little bits? Stay tuned

When you see an angry, dull man driving too fast, his good lady wife sat (of course!) in the passenger seat, and from the miserable look on her face you know fine well and at once that driving isn't the only thing he does incredibly badly

:(((((

the many eyes of the slime moulcodile follow you around the wood

found poem

Good news! I'm bored, mildly hysterical and I've had three dry sherries. Also nobody else is here. Ask me anything

I didn't know it was an option but what even is the point of saying "only what I already know is relevant," I mean how do you KNOW that, I don't want to lie in a closed cemetery, I want new freshly decomposing potential friends to turn up, maybe this isn't a great metaphor but oh well here we are

oh vraiment, essstings, mon ami, vraiment

the waterfall cardigan for boys

well yes maybe I DID just steal one of the strawberry creams out of the trick-or-treat quality street tin just now and then drop it straight out of the wrapper onto the floor karma working very quick today, very on-point

why tf am I like this

Andrew understands the brief

A drive back through a rain-dark, rain-heavy world. Dragging skies, grey on light grey on smoke-grey on bruise-blue. The clouds fallen to earth, the car a boat, sailing inside them.