Maddie's Secret one of the best original movie scores in years??

OUGHH, GIRTHY FUTA COCK MY BELOVED

"Once tasted... ever wanted..." is such a beautiful and heartbreaking slogan

This one was unfair.

Dying sensei: Please, be mindful.. If you remember just one thing... A butterfly flaps its wings... hurricane, across the world ... Me (writing down in my notebook): Butteflys Dangerous

My sons favorite book is "Stories That Go Hard"

Mixing dayquil and nyquil to make a little something I like to call, "Quil"

Honestly 😭 if U celebrating 4th of July today fuck your ignorant dumbas[piece of black mold from my ceiling falls in my mouth and my pupils get all small] Fucked ET last night. Came in 5 strokes. I was shook. Whole thing felt like a pussy

When someone says they're a "slave to the rhythm".... Like, that's great, and I'm happy for you, I really am. But you didn't have to bring slavery onto it

I can't take this anymore! *raises hand to snap fingers that activates sKill 3 which drops a meteor on your dumb ass that lands one stun and two burn debuffs that does devastating damage on your next turn, killing you violently on your turn*

Me: I feel sick and I'm gonna through up The Mean Doctor: Who cares

I like in Hey Ya when André 3000 says "Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!" He is my neighbor

'Pick me' tomboy gf: Omg... that's totally giving me a girl boner right now Me ('dont pick me' bf): Your right... It's getting me guy wet

Checking in on your online friend who has a manual labor job that's slowly killing him

on twitter I learned that I'm a libtard and should kill myself and on bluesky I learned that this is punching down and I should kill my self

new "load bearing post" for me

From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pull ups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. Every muscle must be tight. Also, I'm going to cook my hand

(through tears) My life is Bro. My life is beo

Wasn't enjoying the replies on this one so took it down Lol

Dads = Lads + Time

normal interactions

I wish I could eat something microscopic.... But all the food I have is huge

washing dishes to "In Motion" off the social network soundtrack and the actual though "I'm hacking this knife" went through my brain

Waking up after a night of heavy drinking thinking "Fuck did I post anything" and breathing a sigh of relief that it was just this

fuuuccckkkkkk this looks so good

do you kind if I bring my friend Chinese Elon Musk

doing research

loving the idea of an alcoholic watching a trippy video with friends and being like "Dude this would hit so hard on alcohol"

Thank you Xfinity, awesome notifications

I hate small talk.... Let's talk about something big. Like the weather

snippet of a piano trio I wrote last year and recorded this week :-)

That one episode where Scooby Doo turns woke

Damselfly landed on my hand In the subway in an underground tunnel He's on an adventure and I hope he makes it home OK

(describing a chimpanzee to 911 but am only familiar with humans and dogs) Its sorta like a small man, But also almost like 30% a Dog

(atheist surgeon whispering under his breath while operating just in case) Thou Shalt Not Die. Thou Shalt not Dieth

Incredible. A complete Democratic sweep of the New York primaries.

You look horrible in your profile picture

(sending the fourth worst dick pic of all time) Do you like whay yuou see

Trying this new thing at my funeral where my corpse explodes like a bomb when they least expect it

Got into my sister's car and a spooky podcast episode called "Toy Story is real" started autoplaying lmfao You should have seen how hard she pressed the Off button

I never said this. This is a different guy

(Talking to my foreign friend) Nope not working today. Yeah, my country did slavery a little while ago

eating condy off the ground >>>>

"Duhhhhh I wanna jack off to the video game character I can't jack off to this new character as good" Ok then Die. Die and go to hell

The French Revolution is what happens when you piss off a group of dark empaths...

(reading news) Wow. There are guys out there named, Oliver Tree, Lol. (reading further) Well, Not anymore