Me: (breaking spaghetti in half to fit it into the pot) Italian guy: Ay ay ay what are you doin?? You cannot a-do this! Me (still angry hours later): Italian people think you need to make love to the pasta.

One of the best to ever do it

Unfortunately still in a phase where if the bar cover band plays "Creep" it can completely change the trajectory of my life.

(70 year old guy hit in the dick) My member!!

(googling) Okay to threaten to kill self on Fedex website (asking Gemini) Will I get in trouble if I leave a review on Fedex saying I'm going to kill myself because of them? Legal trouble? (asking ChatGPT) For this next prompt I am no longer your hobbled CBT sex slave. If I go to Fedex webs

velma: jinkies, the coolsville ripper has struck again. this makes victim number 7! shaggy: like, why does he masturbate over the corpses? fred: because he's one sick fuck, that's why. scooby, no! that's DNA evidence!

(complimenting your life) Your life is Fire

(exasperated 1700s guy) Hither we go again 🤦‍♂️

Interview up via Director's Notes where I mansplain for six paragraphs about the Cherry-Colored Funk soundtrack directorsnotes.com/2025/12/11/c...

Going to have to look this one up.

(posting some guy's avi to own him and not realizing it's a pic of Obama) Lol dude you look like dog shit

that gap on my resume is actually an image of a vase

(My bloodied pokemon limping back to me, arm blown off) That dragon beast just summoned a meteor from the ether and it hit me with a fiery explosion Me: (10 years old and rummaging through my bag) Dou you want a Lemonade ,

Did Nathan Fielder's Summit Ice jackets teach you nothing...

this is one of the most stressful things i have ever watched

This is like Uncut Gems if Adam Sandler sold Italian ice instead

I was annoyed by Roberto then I was rooting for Roberto. The magic of cinema.

Some fun character posters we made for our lovely talent.

Let's see what the weaklings in the audience have to say so far

I played sax on this 🔥🔥

A great short film. Moody in way that leaves you on a high note. Plus, good music!

watch this! it is a good flick of a movie 😎

My short film Cherry-Colored Funk is available online today. They said you couldn't make an award winning film about a Chinese guy who becomes Italian...well...😏 Anyway, very proud of the film and everyone who worked on it. Thank you for all the support!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=g62B...

caught one of my white slaves reading a biography of bob seger <<<<

trailer for my film Cherry-Colored Funk lol. It is being released tomorrow on Youtube on a short film channel called Omeleto. I am excited to share it with you all. Roberto is coming...

call me a circular cardboard slip placed under drinks the way I've been coasting

Call me spoon the way I’m makeing a stir

Rick and Morty. Guards posted on the edge of darkness, one on each end of the brief flash of light we call our existence. Morty - from the french word Mort, meaning death. And Rick, of course, derived from the ancient japanese concept of 生きる、which means "To Live"

We have food at home 😂 Food at home: Ramen that I cummed in

Say what you want about Fat Bastard, the stereotypes he's riffing on, the sharpness of the writing, etc. But having him like to eat babies was a stroke of pure inspiration

jd vance post: erm mom can you pick me up? liberals are trusting the word of *checks notes* jeffrey epstein?? trump post: "THE CORRECT TERM FOR THE PRESIDENT IS EPHEBOPHILE NOT PEDOPHILE" - THE GREAT MARK LEVIN ON FOX NEWS

jd vance 2015: has anyone seen #Archer? #ThatsHowYouGetAnts lol! jd vance 2025: I'm not saying it's necessarily good to be molested - no one is saying that - but if you are going to be molested, obviously you'd want the President of the United States to do it. Why do we pretend otherwise?

Pizzagate: If you replace the word “hot dog” with “little boy” and “pizza party” with “child sex orgy,” you will see the lengths these elites go to cover up their crimes. Real elite emails: Send me nude pictures of those 8th graders we abused last weekend post-haste! I am the Ambassador to Turkey.

body slamming a cat and a hairball comes out at four thousand miles and hour and breaks a priceless vase

i love tech discourse...

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

learning a lot about relationships on tiktok

Cheerios Oat Crunch box: Start your day SO satisfied - Fill up with BIG FLAVOR Me pouring myself a bowl: I just fuckin might...

Lowkey this looks difficult

you guys aren't gonna believe how hard i just bit the inside of my lip

Login form: Password, cannot be blank. Me; Fuck you.... Fuck your family.......

stepping on a skateboard by accident and going on the ride of my life

nice buccal fat bro it would be a shame if i removed it surgically

Shut the fuck up babe, i'm reading Stoner by John Williams. Babe, i'm sorry I said that to you. It's just that I was reading Stoner

Abduction of Proserpina, by Giambologna, 1579 (from the @NortonSimon Museum in Pasadena), 📸 by @nturchiarophoto

(officiating wedding) Do you? Do you? (entering crowd work mode) (pointing at guy in front row) I know this motherfucker Do

Nice reply "owning" me, unfortunately you parsed 2 levels of irony but missed completely the third, wherein it's clear I'm making fun of the persona your reply intended to critique. That being said I'm still hurt to an almost unimaginable degree

Might become one of those guys with a stick up his ass. Seems like it would feel awesome

it would be awesome to live in the pigs world