they should invent a way to upload a picture to the internet

there’s a big ol’ dang ol’ cheeto in the white house 😱🤮

maybe the real reason they’re going all in on ai is because it is going to permanently destroy the concept of reality for an entire generation and that’s the goal. buy up and conglomerate all news and media outlets, stuff ai into all of it, leave us without a choice to opt out. mandatory brain rot.

inside of me are two wolves, and you better believe they’re fuckin’

inside me are two wolves one thinks a legitimately good idea would be to ban car companies from releasing more than one new car model every 5 years and expanding from there the other desperately wants to drive the crane that eats cars like a beast devouring its prey

not to seem like a basic pumpkin spice white girl or anything but time has got to be one of my top ten things that are of the essence

magda: make the great depression again

life tips: always wash your hands look both ways before crossing the street some items can be combined into new items with better effects if you’re lost you can place a marker on the map remember to check your journal if you don’t know what to do next press the action button to interact

on my lilly pad, straight up “croaking it”, and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. My forg

mcbeth: the shakespeare play but all the characters are from mcdonald’s lore

we’re gonna have to build such a big toilet to flush all these people down

as usual, the men who replaced their personalities with guns will be the last to stand against tyranny.

if only kamala had warned us 😔

i spent a little extra money and bought a very nice mortar and pestle for grinding up my own microplastics at home

sony doesn’t allow sonic the hedgehog games on playatation because they don’t want sonic and crash bandicoot to fall in love

using ancient martial arts techniques and spanking a boulder for a thousand weeks until i can fell my enemies with a single spank

you see what you believe is me pacing aimlessly, but unbeknownst to you i am actually walking through the steps of a complex and impressive dance that will, when performed at full speed, knock your socks onto your ass

you shouldn’t have to be a miserly old capitalist to be visited by the ghosts of christmases past/present/future, they should just come take you on the occasional adventure anyways

if you do a whole asthma inhaler at once it lets you breathe underwater for one hour

is this what we want to be doing at all? what else might we be doing? this is only a thought exercise; I, the King of Posts, know this better than anyone. But I think it's an exercise worth practicing. there are other ways, Frodo, other paths that we might take.

*landing in prison and having to make a name for myself, I approach the biggest, meanest looking bastards i can see* okay chucklefucks, listen up. i’m in here for two reasons: to kick ass and make friends. and i’m all out of ass. *i extend a handshake* put ‘er there, pal

thinking of becoming a sommelier but for pairing milks and cereals

i’m jAIne goodall and i’m here to offer you the chance to purchase my new meme crypto-currency: ch$mpcoin. when you purchase ch$mpcoin, we place a real life east african chimpanzee directly into the blockchain

as much fun as it is to pop on here while wasting time at work to say shit like ‘scoobius dubious’ maybe i can live without it if all there is to look forward to are regular crash-outs from store-brand elon

there’s gotta be a better name for it than blowing a raspberry

AT on my protocol til i waffle

practicing my berserker yell in the apartment complex lobby

the pedo president getting weekend-at-bernies’d while still alive as the whole world watches knowing exactly what’s happening yet still nosediving straight into a police state that is both armed to the teeth and utterly inept is kinda wack when you stop and really think about it

eating a potato like an apple

there is a humor to be found in ai’s being marketed as expanders of human thought when they’re literal brain-smoothing machines lol

average day in 2025 (colorized)

love watching this become the “we have elon at home” website lmao

at this point i’ll just go write shitposts in the moss somewhere in the forest, i don’t think i’ve actually had fun on the internet since like 2014

people: we have safety concerns you simply will not address meaningfully jay: waffles lol so random lol people: jay that sucks as a response and is part of the problem jay: verily, this website yearns to elevate humanity through socratic discourse, yet we contend with the beastly shadow of man

trying to formulate a maneuver that tricks your Qanon uncle into masking during flu season. how’s this biden relaxed covid restrictions because the masks were blocking out the 5G wifi pulse that activated the dormant estrogen in your bloodstream that was injected during your childhood vaccinations

got a promotion at my hospital job! now, in addition to changing everyone’s intake form gender to “other,” they let me spray aerosolized estrogen gas onto the newborns!

bluesky is kinda like a cigarette. feels good when you’re trying to waste time at work, but it’s not good for you

i’m becoming something like if the two old hecklers from the muppet show did that dragonball z fusion thing and became an even older grumpy bastard. i dunno man, i got a grumbler’s heart, what can i say

well, after a LOT of counting, i’m happy to report that there are enough bugs.

if someone can just get that ai actress to ask for the epstein files to be released then they’ll delete her for us

storing my balls in my butt like mr potato head to protect them in battle

not to oust myself as a big fat guy or anything, but dominos not having stuffed crust until the year of our lord two thousand and twenty five is absolutely pitiful.

good news everyone, jane goodall’s ai hologram will be online soon to continue fighting to keep earth safe from the primate menace

james badall, primate hater, reading the news: at last, now nothing can stop me

no one takes their religion less seriously than these people. to liken kirk to the pope in any capacity displays a hollow faith as empty and perverted as it is ignorant and cruel. what a deeply unserious man, and what a deeply vacuous spirit he harbors.

americans: remember to pack your emotional support cheeseburger if traveling abroad

camus was right, that stupid twunk

this just in, koko the gorilla has been taken into custody for questioning after investigators discovered transcripts of a fight between jane goodall and koko over a birkin bag

breaking: banana peels found at the top of jane goodall’s stairs, investigators are not ruling out foul play.

better my dick, better my balls: papa johns