phil
@philjamesson.com
đ€ 16582
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funny things for cool stuff (Dropout, Adult Swim, Raw Fury, Devolver) | mgmt:
[email protected]
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phil
dan mentos
2 days ago
guy commissioning a bust of himself: how will you determine the shipping charges me: weigh a head of you
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i wrote this prompt! very good episode, i laughed many times, as always you should watch it but also especially
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3 days ago
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Cape Cod Demon Hunter
7 days ago
Democratic consultants: To replicate Mamdaniâs success with the young people we must appeal to their short attention spans with memes and TikTok Mamdani (actual quote): In the fifth century in what we now know as Ireland, a British warlord named Coroticus had laid waste to the countryside
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damn i could go for an "easing tensions" right about now
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4 days ago
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yeah sure man, the Zero-Composure Moron Patrol is gonna go work a shift at the Boring Factory. and you're definitely gonna remember you posted this even eight minutes from now
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4 days ago
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truisms are useful writing tools. it is what it is, what's done is done, kid rock is baffled
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4 days ago
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Better Things Are Possible
11 days ago
There's a hauntingly beautiful irony in these morons thinking that carefully crafted American hegemony was actually weak and woke, and they would be the ones who would do Power and Dominance properly, and immediately bringing everything crashing down
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the people yearn for Gamer President Ace Watkins
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11 days ago
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(cracking my knuckles and someone gives me a dirty look) oh dang sorry dude, that was thoughtless of me. do you want a go on these thangs
11 days ago
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the color... the hand... dude's animorphing into a crab
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12 days ago
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i LOVE this stuff. "j jonah jameson is a trained street combatant" come on man. hes the newspaper guy
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âabilitiesâ section of a regular guy
YouTube video by Phil Jamesson
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/B5Oe4lJiwmg
12 days ago
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pointing up and saying âall glory to Godâ as i scoop up my magic the gathering cards
13 days ago
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Dane Owens
15 days ago
Pretty crazy how important the blockade of a trade route is right now
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standup comic who shouldn't have used that q-tip
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15 days ago
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my take is neither vance or rubio is trumpâs âheirâ simply because theyâre both box office poison. try to imagine a trumper watching them debate. that tvâs getting its cord yanked halfway through opening statements
16 days ago
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if youâre making a cold cuts sandwich on Reels, thereâs no need to slap the slices down like youâre in the Wet Percussion section
21 days ago
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esoteric ebb is now OUT! i am happy to see it is receiving marks of "funny" and "good." chris wrote a lot of really excellent words and i was lucky to help edit and write as well! enjoy!!!
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22 days ago
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Dreamboat Branny đ
23 days ago
Let's fucking go
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Mehdi Hasan
23 days ago
You cannot talk like this about any other minority in America. And if it was any other presidentâs adviser who said something like this about any other minority, itâd be the instant end of their presidency.
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Esoteric Ebb
23 days ago
Thank you so much
@mattsilversoul.bsky.social
†đ
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always remember to carve some time out of your pro-war crimes speech to insult your allies
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23 days ago
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phil
Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani
25 days ago
Additionally, I want to speak directly to Iranian New Yorkers: you are part of the fabric of this city â you are our neighbors, small business owners, students, artists, workers, and community leaders. You will be safe here.
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Chris Hayes
25 days ago
Wouldn't want a little war to get in the way of a golf weekend.
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Brian Shea
28 days ago
âHey boss, are you sure Flamigo is more popular than Charizard, and people arenât just misspelling âFlamingoâ on Google?â âDonât be ridiculous. Of course Flamigo is more popular than Charizard, Mewtwo, Eevee, and Snorlax. Send the email.â
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jeremy kaplowitz
28 days ago
doctor (solemnly): ok i did not have you dying of cancer on my 2026 bingo card...
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i helped with the many hundreds of thousands of words in this game, editing and writing silly little jokes. it comes out NEXT WEEK and there is a demo with what some would consider an irresponsible amount of the content available already out on steam. if you like handcrafted games, check out ebb!
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28 days ago
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jamelle
29 days ago
democrats should internalize that this is what their colleagues think of them and act accordingly
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Moira Donegan
30 days ago
Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.
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phil
Josh Gondelman
about 1 month ago
A bunch of people on my Amtrak train clapped when the US hockey team scored a goal and before I realized what had happened I thought: âCome on, people. We havenât even landed yet.â
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Brendel
about 1 month ago
The tragedy of John Fetterman is that he used to dress like a slob but have an encouraging spirt, making him an Oaf of Rugged Individuality, one of Americaâs great oaf groups. But now he dresses like a slob and whines all the time, making him an Oaf of Misery
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about 1 month ago
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Alex Blechman
about 1 month ago
Reporter: Do aliens exist? Obama: *chuckles* Technically no, a time ghoul is from Earth. Just not todayâs Earth
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phil
discovered the Immortal Noodles
8 months ago
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(angrily turning to friend during GI Joe) when do they start digesting foods
about 1 month ago
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derek guy
about 1 month ago
honestly tired of trying to convince people that trump's immigration policy is not really about violent undocumented immigrants or even just undocumented immigrants, but immigrants in general and even non-white people more broadly.
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one of my prompts received the rare MSN honor of Four Performers
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about 1 month ago
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Katie Mack
about 1 month ago
You can't... repeal... a scientific finding. At that point it's just called lying about it.
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apparently this also goes for if youâre the attorney general and someone asks you if you are doing your job
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about 1 month ago
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Pablo Hidalgo
about 1 month ago
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Karl Bode
about 1 month ago
Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground
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furthermore, nuclear waste emits beautiful clean American radiation,
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about 1 month ago
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Chad Loder
about 1 month ago
The exact thing that antizionist/non-Zionist Jews have been warning would happen, is happening â thanks to the Israeli government's insistence that Israel, by definition, speaks for world Jewry and that any criticism of Israeli's policies is antisemitism. This inevitably LEADS to antisemitism.
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itâs xeecee
about 1 month ago
please give us more personal data please please please please câmon youâre being so mean dude. we only got breached like three times. weâre NOT going to sell it man please please please plus its for like safety? so youâre the one who looks stupid right now come on pleaaaaaase just one data point bro
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: No worries guys!
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about 1 month ago
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republicans: it should be a Secret who the Police are everyone: we don't want secret police republicans: secret police?! who said that? you sound crazy
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about 1 month ago
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bringing a big bowl of yogurt to the super bowl party. ah dang no space in the fridge, huh? guess everybody better eat it quick
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about 2 months ago
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he's got that Confusing Open Mic'er flow
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about 2 months ago
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phil
Chris Ingraham
about 2 months ago
When Republicans do it / When Democrats do it
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Laz đđ
about 2 months ago
(a guy has pulled my sweatshirt over my head hockey style and is absolutely beating my ass) ME: WHO IS FUNDING THIS??
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well at least this sort of thing won't bother him on a cellular level every waking moment for the foreseeable future as he desperately shows how funny he thinks it is
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about 2 months ago
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