Everyone just smile when your mom tells you about that ne’er do well cousin who says he’s a “project manager” for “building data centers” who says he uses chatGPT for his job. We all know he sells pills out of his girlfriend’s dad’s basement (which is a real job)

One generous serving of orange loaf. Still warm

We have a new coworker who got trapped in a room today. No matter how much she tried to turn the doorknob she couldn’t open it. She called for help and nobody heard her for several minutes. Except it was just a sliding door and she was never trapped. She’s going to fit in here just fine

SIGN IT

These marshmallows are terrible. Not even sticky

it’s really depressing how little the entitled ghouls who rule over us actually know about American history

I saw a guy last night with black fur and all white legs. This cat would get 500k insta followers in like 5 minutes. And yet he's just jumping into leaf piles on the streets of Cleveland.

I’m holly, I’m jolly. You’ve got believe me. I swear I am

The union is calling, Starbucks! Pick up the phone!

This is so incredible. You have to see the photos. These workers held the line for THREE YEARS www.publicsource.org/post-gazette...

It’s ok you can say it

this man really decorated before his crush came over lmfao

I don’t know how many times UFW has sued the federal government this year, but it seems like a lot

I will never forget having to edit Jamal’s final, posthumous piece for the Washington Post, after he was murdered. He was calling for free expression in the Arab world. You can read it here : www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/glo...

He is just investigating to find out what happened here

We rest

You always ask me “Jorts why are you so wet?” but I never ask why your phone is at 7%

BIG NEWS OUTTA PITTSBURGH 🔥

MOTHERFUCKING IS QUOTING EUGENE DEBS IN THE FIRST SENTENCE OF HIS MAYORAL VICTORY SPEECH OMFG

EUGENE DEBS MENTIONED running around freaking out

Poast an birb apnnouncing Dick Cheney is ded

I think all my spooky besties deserve some treats

Come get your @jortsthecat.bsky.social merch Massachusetts.

"US Marshal shot during immigration enforcement in LA" * article explains he was shot by an ICE officer whose weapon discharged when he used it to smash a car window

At this point, anyone who takes anything ICE or CBP says at face value is being willfully obtuse.

Greetings! I’m here in South LA, in front of Santee High School. Federal law enforcement rammed a vehicle, and shot at least one suspect during a law enforcement operation. One man who streams on Tik Tok, Nick, was reportedly hit. One US marshal hit. Lots of preliminary info.

Federal agents shot two people during a violent and chaotic immigration abduction. That’s the actual headline here

hang this in the louvre (there's room now)

I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB

Just a baby. 🥹 Photo from my collection, 1964.

This picture is 100% real. I met jorts. We hung out. It was a moment.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE REALEST wow we are all so glad you were born

My union—the LA Times Guild—has authorized a strike with the support of 85% of our membership. This comes after years of brutal layoffs and no cost-of-living raises since 2021. Next up: we bargain. But if we have to strike, we will 🪧 laist.com/news/la-time...

It’s the “workstations” part that’s so funny. Start checking the paperclips

If one person starts yelling, it’s easy from there. Don’t be afraid to be the first person to start yelling at a Nazi

If you politely mute when you aren't talking, it doesn't even matter if someone is scream meowing in the background of your zoom

Close to 65k watching the livefeed from the Global Sumud Flotilla off the coast of Gaza. Israel seems to be intercepting right now. All eyes needed. www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEN2...

Watching the Sumud Flotilla tonight and thinking about our friend Greta Thunberg, who was just arrested by Israel… and also countless other people who are just as brave even if we don’t know their names yet

I'm finally back at it with stats! Gonzo is at 96.03% for the month of September with 22 crimbs so far this month. He has a YTD ratio of 145 non-crimb to 127 crimb days. Gonzo also has one 200% day and (144) 100% days. The bulk of his crimb days (91) are a 95%!

I dunno about you but everytime I'm addressing a group of people I need on my side, I always start by calling them fat and lazy

Californians: do it

Allegedly they wouldn’t “have to vacuum so much” if I stopped “being so dramatic” when they are “just trying to brush me” which all sounds fake. I choose neither

Don't you dare put that baby in pelican mouth.

jimmys kimmel

Cats don’t fart as often or as loud, but Anyway. Wasn’t me

It’s going great over there

Shits tense right now. Here's a pelican for comic relief. 🪶

The following is a statement from the WGA on ABC’s decision to pull ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’

great news! you're not actually seeing karl rove, john yoo, and david frum criticize the administration's lawlessness more stridently than dem leadership. you, reader, were infected with rabies by a brown bat 36 hours ago and this is all just the virus working its way through your nervous system

This is what he said