BIG NEWS OUTTA PITTSBURGH 🔥

MOTHERFUCKING IS QUOTING EUGENE DEBS IN THE FIRST SENTENCE OF HIS MAYORAL VICTORY SPEECH OMFG

EUGENE DEBS MENTIONED running around freaking out

Poast an birb apnnouncing Dick Cheney is ded

I think all my spooky besties deserve some treats

Come get your @jortsthecat.bsky.social merch Massachusetts.

"US Marshal shot during immigration enforcement in LA" * article explains he was shot by an ICE officer whose weapon discharged when he used it to smash a car window

At this point, anyone who takes anything ICE or CBP says at face value is being willfully obtuse.

Greetings! I’m here in South LA, in front of Santee High School. Federal law enforcement rammed a vehicle, and shot at least one suspect during a law enforcement operation. One man who streams on Tik Tok, Nick, was reportedly hit. One US marshal hit. Lots of preliminary info.

Federal agents shot two people during a violent and chaotic immigration abduction. That’s the actual headline here

hang this in the louvre (there's room now)

I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB I GOT A CRAB

Just a baby. 🥹 Photo from my collection, 1964.

This picture is 100% real. I met jorts. We hung out. It was a moment.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE REALEST wow we are all so glad you were born

My union—the LA Times Guild—has authorized a strike with the support of 85% of our membership. This comes after years of brutal layoffs and no cost-of-living raises since 2021. Next up: we bargain. But if we have to strike, we will 🪧 laist.com/news/la-time...

It’s the “workstations” part that’s so funny. Start checking the paperclips

If one person starts yelling, it’s easy from there. Don’t be afraid to be the first person to start yelling at a Nazi

If you politely mute when you aren't talking, it doesn't even matter if someone is scream meowing in the background of your zoom

Close to 65k watching the livefeed from the Global Sumud Flotilla off the coast of Gaza. Israel seems to be intercepting right now. All eyes needed. www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEN2...

Watching the Sumud Flotilla tonight and thinking about our friend Greta Thunberg, who was just arrested by Israel… and also countless other people who are just as brave even if we don’t know their names yet

I'm finally back at it with stats! Gonzo is at 96.03% for the month of September with 22 crimbs so far this month. He has a YTD ratio of 145 non-crimb to 127 crimb days. Gonzo also has one 200% day and (144) 100% days. The bulk of his crimb days (91) are a 95%!

I dunno about you but everytime I'm addressing a group of people I need on my side, I always start by calling them fat and lazy

Californians: do it

Allegedly they wouldn’t “have to vacuum so much” if I stopped “being so dramatic” when they are “just trying to brush me” which all sounds fake. I choose neither

Don't you dare put that baby in pelican mouth.

jimmys kimmel

Cats don’t fart as often or as loud, but Anyway. Wasn’t me

It’s going great over there

Shits tense right now. Here's a pelican for comic relief. 🪶

The following is a statement from the WGA on ABC’s decision to pull ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’

great news! you're not actually seeing karl rove, john yoo, and david frum criticize the administration's lawlessness more stridently than dem leadership. you, reader, were infected with rabies by a brown bat 36 hours ago and this is all just the virus working its way through your nervous system

This is what he said

jimmy kimmels time slot replaced with reruns of jimmy fallon playfully ruffling trumps hair

We can share, your butt isn’t that long. I can be lumbar support

As always, be careful what you say on the internet. We don’t need to go to the gulag today

“I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational.” -Charlie Kirk newsweek.com/charlie-kirk-s…

At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event

I don’t know when It Will Happen, but I do know it’s going to be extremely funny

any body want to help me plan sneaking around and raising all the flags back up to full mast

Heartbroken to hear James Dobson has died age 89. It should have been a lot sooner

These are actually the baby stairs

Kind of feel like it should be bigger national news that the poorest major city in the country is being forced to accept devastating service cuts to our public transit system because PA Republicans actively hate Philly and want to cause us pain

She sounds how we all feel

New from me: After more than a year of battles and accusations, Wonderful Co. says it will donate the nursery where UFW sought to unionize farmworkers. The company says the wine and table grape industry's downturn drove the decision. labor experts question the timing. www.latimes.com/california/s...

Ok cats, humans are getting sleepy. Time to be a little freak

Cop : i was hit in the face by a club Lawyer : u mean a club sandwich right Cop (through tears) : still a club

will you just let me be silly for a sec. there’s this dread so ancient in me

they fired people contributing to cancer research

yet we can’t fund public schools