I want everyone to post their hometown slop (if you don't have a cuisine that qualifies then your town has zero culture). Skyline is fine and hits at 3 am just like taco bell lol

Calvin and Hobbes is one of a handful of pieces of art that I sort of expected to leave behind when I grew into adulthood but instead continue to point at in increasingly desperate ways to beg people to increase their humanity

It never used to be dark by 5pm. They're doing this to demoralize you

TRUMP: You're a dickless moron, and I think I'll order you shot in the brain. REPORTER: (to self) Can't retort, important to keep access. TRUMP: Back to what I was saying… Bing bong, bing bong. I hear sounds like, tk tk ksshhaaa. All day long. Bing bong! Pa pa pa pa pa. They go shhoooo. Bing bing!

sorry but I find the phrase "quiet piggy" unbelievably funny outside of the context in which it was recently used.

Meanwhile back in Glasgae.

oh my god you have to read this until the end www.telos.news/p/part-1-how...

It's been a wonderful day to be offline. Then I ruined it.

In 2028 I will vote for whoever will send Stephen Miller to The Hague.

anytime i talk to someone like this now i just ask "what do you want out of this interaction"

do you make up ridiculous longform versions of your dog's name? if so please share. I've been calling lambo "lamborghini wigglesworth" (mr. wiggles for short)

having finally achieved almost everything I wanted to in life I finally cross off my last item on the list: a Scrooge McDuck vault full of my entire fortune in gold coins. I dive in headfirst and cave my skull into a fine gelatin

Father Teaches Son How To Fly Into Rage Over Completely Inconsequential Bullshit https://theonion.com/father-teaches-son-how-to-fly-into-rage-over-completely-1819575391/

the thing is, as I’ve aged, the bar for who looks like a child to me has risen. there are whole tax paying ass adults who scan as literal children to me when I see them. what the actual fuck is wrong with people.

there’s a new charmin commercial where the teenage daughter of the shitting bear family is an influencer reviewing charmin for her channel or whatever. i don’t approve of this. why can’t the shitting bear child be a surgeon. or a celebrated academic

[Jafar from Aladdin enunciating slowly voice] Labubu

Motion Smoothing is a circle of hell

youtu.be/ddYs_w6IffA?... Anna!

What if we kissed at the meatball restaurant for doggies

I have not stopped quoting this for a week.

podcaster occupied government

Geraldo is now about trans women and there is so much respect and care from the audience towards these women and their former spouses. almost every old talk show I've seen about this, people are very respectful and kind, asking thoughtful questions. This is a manufactured "controversy" in 2020s.

Ok we hit a heroin user episode while I'm sitting and folding laundry and they pulled up addicts from the audience. he had them take off their jackets and show their track marks and how Geraldo is treating them is making me sick. It's so dark. What a dickhead. He deserved the chair to the face.

typical bluesky user

Episode of Geraldo titled: Women and their breasts. I'm going to be holed up in my place watching this channel until springtime like some sort of daytime tv groundhog.

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, it is

I really don't like systems that force libraries to pay-per-use and I wish libraries themselves were more upfront with users about how much every movie you take out from Hoopla or Kanopy is costing the library.

I'd like to alert everyone that Plex has a Geraldo channel and I'm currently watching an episode called: "alien rap session"and the next is about satanic panic. I'll see you all in a few years because this is my life now.

incredible work guys, keep up the quality work. i'm sure you'll reliably pay out people plugging in their banking info just as dutifully as you proofread this ad.

me on deathbed: a squatty potty but for pissing my kids: you sit down on it? me: *shakes my head no before dying*

Falling asleep during the Dennis the Menace movie with my daughter and all the animals this afternoon reminded me how lucky I am. What do you mean this is my life? 16 yr old me could never imagine this happiness under the same roof.

had two pieces of pizza and a pint of beer for lunch which means I’m about to engage in the sort of afternoon nap once enshrined in epic poetry

BIGGER

It's just come to my attention that Bubba was also the name of a horse on the Epstein compound. So, there's that.

child wishes to set up the tree and lights today. i wish to lay in bed, with big heavy blankets on me while i read books. i wonder who will win the war

To be very clear, Virginia Giuffre was made to say she mistakenly identified Alan Dershowitz as one of the people who sexually abused her. Here is the proof from this week's Epstein files dropped by the House Oversight Committee.

Olivia Nuzzi loved it. She loved its single unfocused eyeball set deep in a shapeless wad of pink. She loved the wet sound of crunching through bone when it swallowed a rat. She loved the sewer stink wafting off it, from being born in a sewer. She was its "Livvy" and it was her "Unnamed Skin Thing".

day 159: i have learned the toon blast bear has a name. time has no meaning. god is dead.

*really loud fart* i think i am ready to love again

your dead AI mother loves you so much ❤️

we don't talk enough about the damage that widespread chromebook adoption by schools has done to computer literacy in children

i consumed so much content yesterday. 37 content. probably take it easy today.

for my own ego, I'd like to point out that I called this happening when he was elected. they'd let him be president for a bit, manufacture a way to get him out and turn his base against him and then put Vance in power so that Thiel etc, are running the country fully and without Trump's meddling.

Well well well if it isnt the Blowjob Brothers

Here take this: