every(ish) sunday i send out a recap/recommendation/whatever email to paid ZERO CRED subscribers. today's is free. danozzi.substack.com/p/rock-books...

if the president speaks at my funeral when i die i hope he pays me a touching tribute by talking about the topics nearest to my heart: a feud he had with rosie o'donnell in 1997, a list of commercials that are too woke, and a tight five about how shower heads aren't as powerful as they used to be

every(ish) sunday i send out a recap/recommendation/whatever email to paid ZERO CRED subscribers. today's is free. danozzi.substack.com/p/rock-books...

got a bunch of gallagher fans yelling at me because i pointed out the guy had a well documented history of hating watermelons. "you're basing that on a few out of context clips of him smashing watermelons," they're telling me, "watch his full videos and not just what the mainstream media feeds you."

me and @dbanthony.bsky.social took a long hard look at the dark cultural moment we're in and decided what the world needs right now is for us to bring back our podcast. first episode in almost two years: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

today is a good day to ask yourself how much you actually support the independent artists and creators you enjoy, beyond just liking and subscribing. do you pay them money for their work? do you buy their things? fund alternative culture now or be left with the slop.

imagining the FBI interrogating my friends, trying to get a handle on my personal beliefs and motivations, coming away with stuff like "jackass forever, though unnecessary, was a fun addition to the canon" and "rancid could stand to trim a lot of fat off their albums."

norm macdonald died 4 years ago today. been thinking about this bit a lot this week for no real reason. www.youtube.com/shorts/DkvGM...

hm i'm starting to think a handheld device that lets you learn the opinions of every person on planet earth is not a good thing?

david lynch died this year and i'm still bummed about that

anyway, here's wonderwall.

billionaire getting a birthday gift from a friend: ah a lock of pubic hair, my favorite, thank you. oh and there's a note: "may all our deepest desires remain our secrets to keep" me, a normal guy getting a birthday gift from a friend: oh hell yeah a gift card to outback steakhouse

everyone in LA is wearing oasis merch today. it's like adidas won the world series.

[trump posts a meme of him torching an american city to the ground] sir, according to section 118.34 of the military handbook you would be written up for using a rolling hitch knot instead of a bowline knot. for shame, sir.

had a nice chat with whitmer thomas, who you may know as the guy who stabbed himself in the face with a fork in Weapons. or for his stand-up jokes about blink-182. Or for his song about being a big baby. danozzi.substack.com/p/whitmer-th...

need everyone to see this one-star review of a dog trainer

Lmao

had a nice chat with whitmer thomas, who you may know as the guy who stabbed himself in the face with a fork in Weapons. or for his stand-up jokes about blink-182. Or for his song about being a big baby. danozzi.substack.com/p/whitmer-th...

Yeah, I'm a fan of A24. A24-year-old movie called Little Nicky.

there's a new ad for google ai that plays before movies now that goes "if your friend sends a message to your phone asking for an address that's in your phone, shouldn't the first one to find it be your phone?" two times now i have heard people in the theater shout NO! people do not want this shit.

TWO cybertrucks parked in compact spots in the same lot. get these losers off this planet!!

i realize that when It Finally Happens a long and possibly worse future awaits us but at least we will be able to wake up every morning and think ahh but at least he's still dead

My beautiful publication ZERO CRED turns 6 years old this week. On Friday I’m gonna run a raffle for my paid subscribers to give away (almost) everything I’ve made in that time. Upgrade for 50% off to get in on it! danozzi.substack.com/d58fbfc8

hour 16 of being chained to the cracker barrel in amarillo, texas. i will not end my hunger strike until my demands for the font kerning to be less woke are met. i am 64 years old and i donate $500 a month to charlie kirk.

googled my train number to see if it was delayed. google's ai told me it was late according to a "recent update" on X. clicked the link to said recent update to see it was 4 years old. ai is truly amazing technology and we should definitely be trusting our medical and financial information with it.

but he will live on every time someone misspells my name

deciding whether i should see the pedro pascal superhero movie or the pedro pascal romcom or the pedro pascal arthouse movie

Olyphant the reigning best talk show guest www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGa9...

i for one am shocked that a man affectionately known around the world as Mr. Pervert, famous for his beloved TV catchphrase, "I'm a baaaad wittle pervert," would associate with the likes of jeffrey epstein. for shame sir.

i see everyone having a good laugh at the ceo who got caught having an affair at a coldplay concert. but let me ask you this. what if the band wasn't coldplay, but turnstile? and the ceo... what if he was hitler? hm not so funny now is it?

want to learn to write songs like laura stevenson? too bad, she is a once-in-a-generation talent! but i did have a great chat with her about her creative process: thecreativeindependent.com/people/singe...

logged into twitter for the first time in a while to see that swifties have been yelling at me to kill myself over something i wrote about her EIGHT YEARS AGO.

had a great chat with my old coworker Lawrence Burney about his new book No Sense In Wishing, the importance of documenting your local scene, and the cover story he wrote about turnstile danozzi.substack.com/p/an-intervi...

a bold political ad that dares to ask the question: what if the candidate wasn't a slimy piece of shit and normal people actually liked him?

as a society we are beyond cooked

the new murder by death album dropped on friday. i got to take the photo on the cover and look how gorgeous! hot damn

Alright I'm clocking out from my shift as a lib for the day. Please stop saying "We the people." I know what you're trying to do by taking it back but it's too late. It's a tattoo font for anti-vaxxers now. Tool of the enemy. Leave it behind. Fuck the American flag too while we're at it.

NO KINGS EXCEPT KING DIAMOND

NO KINGS INCLUDES KINGS OF LEON!!!!!

yeah my book SELLOUT was written with AI A n I ncredibly overwhelming amount of work that drove me to an insanity i'm still not sure i've fully recovered from danozzi.bigcartel.com/product/sell...

sorry to get political but something i've noticed is that every single person posting in support of ICE is the ugliest person i've ever seen in my life

gavin newsom is currently doing everything in his power as governor [conducting an emergency podcast episode with the libsoftiktok woman, very politicianly nodding and saying "mhmm, i mean, you make some strong points there" when she says everyone in LA should be shipped to gitmo for waterboarding]

got to write an essay for vinegar syndrome's Dirty Work box set which includes the dirtier cut.

elon driving a cybertruck into the white house

i think i have what it takes to be the new marc maron

copped immediately. don't even own a cassette player.

The good part of AI is that the only thing a writer can do to combat it is to become more human. Make your writing weirder, hornier, more violent, absurd, poetic, difficult, political, jagged, dreamlike, ironic, surreal, alive. You don't have any choice but to plumb the depths.

[dr. steve brule voice] lambrini girls