Create the problem Fix the problem Take credit for fixing the problem

probably the highlight of my week was telling a class of georgetown journalism grad students about how i was banned from twitter for impersonating gwyneth paltrow

prescription strength dopamine boost 🐶🐝

Feels like the annual White House turkey pardon’s gonna be a little less whimsical this year

I don’t plead ignorance, I embrace it.

There's a special place in heck for people who criticize my swearing.

Are you there, Margaret? It's me, god. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?

just stumbled across a screenshot of a skeet from 2023, long ago deleted bc it was poorly written and unamusing next to the image, i had helpfully written instructions to myself: REDO but MAKE IT FUNNY will do, chief 🫡

DOROTHY SEEKING TOTO 🧺

“Surprise Thursday walkies from your pal Darby? You know it!” 🧵

Today's estate sale find

When you don't have time for the full freakout

i have a favorite mailbox. hi! im 90 years old in this post

Hoping that today is the day my mind and my body invite me to their group chat

[on this day five years ago] me, when the teacher wants to know which historical figure i’m doing my oral report on and asks me to cite my sources ✏️

hahahaha, I'm helping a friend design his Mardi Gras mask for next year's Cryptique shamble and I told him I needed (among other details) approximate dimensions of his head, and he sends me this. The text is not important, just cracking up at the googly eyes.

BEHOLD FLOYD ✨

you never spin me right round like a record baby anymore

DOROTHY SEEKING TOTO 🧺

just stumbled across a screenshot of a skeet from 2023, long ago deleted bc it was poorly written and unamusing next to the image, i had helpfully written instructions to myself: REDO but MAKE IT FUNNY will do, chief 🫡

If you're hungry they're hungry (the wolves)

Eating a bowl of croutons like cold cereal

🐝

Only wink wink can nudge nudge me

If I’ve ever shared a song with you just know that means I would die for you

i opinionated way too hard yesterday… all worn out

prescription strength dopamine boost 🐶🐝

Following this administration is like following a true crime podcast, which might be the only way to get apolitical people to engage.

i feel like Edgar Allen Poe wouldn’t seem so spooky if his name was Allen Edgar Poe

I think all of us are born into this world as not child abuser defenders, so you gotta reaaaalllyyy want it in order to become one

My degree was in English lit but I went to medical school later after this one time at a party and great quotes just pouring out of me I could not say "coagulate yourself bitch" without sounding pompous ass

I took my son to get a professional mani pedi for his 10th birthday. Here are 4 of the things he said (at top volume): This is like going to the dentist, but feet. When do I get the black light? Aughhh THAT TICKLES!! I bet your job is really gross sometimes.

you guys know how i hate to brag, but Julie @juliebalt.bsky.social tags me on all of the best Freida posts 💅

court ordered mullets

diverting the water directed to data centers to my spa for horses

they told me to make myself at home so I started to make tea but then forgot all about it, went into rooms but couldn’t remember why I was there, misplaced my phone and my reading glasses, and then didn’t fold the laundry for two weeks

You're not a real adult until you miss someone every day of your life.

i don’t need the northern lights. i can just stare at the sun any time. way better

My feed right now

Aurora in the woods!

if you can’t see the aurora borealis tonight, here is a sewer tunnel which is a wonder in itself.

I for one welcome our new multicolor overlords

Recently discovered I have a natural affinity for lurking. The shadows are the best place to lurk, obviously, but you can also lurk in a field, or even on a rollercoaster. It's all about state of mind

filling my weekly pill organizer with tiny dancers

important and sublime

So this happened an hour ago. I don’t think I’ve seen red this deep in a long time. You could see it quite clearly with the naked eye. #aurora

Amazing things going on out there

it’s kinda cool how the world is ending and i have a writing deadline and some grading to do

first date idea: kissing cousins