The Hell Lane bridleway, in West Dorset, is an excellent place to visit if you like interdimensional portals and scary Pagan graffiti. www.tom-cox.com/nothing-cold...

Truly what is it about a human water glass? All three of our guys approach water in a glass as though it were the elixir of eternal life.

Most alcoholic drinks do nothing for Jim but, after a hard day, he does sometimes like to relax with a straight vodka.

Years ago I made the mistake of setting up a floating candle in a pretty bowl. Well, that is now the cat's water bowl and he absolutely refuses to drink out of any of the other four bowls around the house. At least it's pretty though it is a rather odd thing to have standing around.

Salt'n'vinegar crisps every day, you say?

I was lamenting the fact that my cats get tired of one brand of food after two days then I tried to think of it in a different way and asked myself "What if YOU ate salt’n’vinegar crisps every day?" then realised I do that already and that my cats should shut the fuck up and stop acting so entitled.

As ever, read the alt text. 🙂

Sometimes when I’m writing a book and being harsh with myself I’ll be like “You can’t mention owls in this one, you mentioned owls in quite a few of the others” but then I’ll be like “Who are you to tell me what to do? I’m the one who makes the rules here. Fuck you. I’m mentioning the owls.”

Just finished Villager today and so enjoyed! Loved the frantic chaotic pace from the beginning. This chapter was by far my favourite. The way you captured each personality so thoroughly with just messages was delightful and hilarious.

My grandfather walked to school along here.

i have just DEVOURED this chapter and love it to bits!

just from reading this thread, I too believe he is the best cat ever

Rare sighting of Carl during his days as guest vocalist with Pink Floyd. #nichereference www.tom-cox.com/the-reason-y...

This is one of the best threads I’ve ever read

Marmaduke finds his rabbit and pea food exquisite every day

Imagine big cats in the wild behaving like this. “Oh no, not wildebeest AGAIN. Yes, I know you have just stocked up on wildebeest because it was my favourite brand of beast but when I woke up this morning I realised I just don’t care for it any more. And frankly I would rather starve.”

I’m just an amateur appreciator of rare (and other) moths, not a professor, but hey, it worked on me.

I was lamenting the fact that my cats get tired of one brand of food after two days then I tried to think of it in a different way and asked myself "What if YOU ate salt’n’vinegar crisps every day?" then realised I do that already and that my cats should shut the fuck up and stop acting so entitled.

This was of course an utterly devious and self-serving plan to persuade as many professors of rare moths as possible, worldwide, to follow my Bluesky account.

Someone told me lately "Bluesky is just like Twitter." I argued that was untrue on the basis that last time I had a Twitter account most times I got a new follower their bio said "single & looking for fun" & here when I get a new follower it tends to say something like "professor of rare moths".

Which are you today? I am definitely number 3.

what in the Magnus Archives fuck is this

All mannequins are, by their very nature, cursed, but some are way more cursed than others. Like, “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE BEFORE IT CONSUMES US ALL” cursed.

Morlock!

Shame Simon & Schuster did their best to ruin it by putting that fucking awful cover on the first paperback edition.

The alt is a joy, y’all

It's been a long time since I met her but the Marilyn Monroe mannequin at the old 'Hollywood Legends' diner in Norfolk, UK, still haunts my dreams, and not in a way that I find at all enjoyable.

Massive thanks to all the people who are sharing this and helping this book get back out there. It means a lot. Villager was doing well but, due to the collapse of my ex-publishers, went cruelly out of print. Both I and the republished paperback appreciate your love, and its second chance in life.

Do you know the way to the Goblin Castle?

The alt text captions, tho!

The Hell Lane bridleway, in West Dorset, is an excellent place to visit if you like interdimensional portals and scary Pagan graffiti. www.tom-cox.com/nothing-cold...

I foraged this near Boddinick, Cornwall, in autumn 2020, then brought it home to the edge of Dartmoor, where it provided the filling for several sandwiches over the following week. Roscoe, however, was unimpressed.

Wise old horticultural woman I met: “If you find a rabbit’s foot and tickle the leaves of your tomato plant with it your tomatoes will grow faster.” Me: “Ooh, interesting. I might try that.” Next-door’s rabbit, the following day: “Stop that, and put me the fuck down. I did not consent to this.”

mutual owld

Like Philippa Islington-Smythe, Fiona the cat struggles with her notoriety, and how to balance sharing her gifts with the world whilst safeguarding her hard-won inner peace.

Hello new followers! I've removed the paywall from this piece, which is a chapter from my novel Villager, told entirely in the form of an online village message board. If you like it, you'll probably like the book. If you don't, you probably won't... www.tom-cox.com/the-village-...

remember to be nice to your future decomposer

“What is that in your bed?” “It’s a puffball mushroom I foraged.” “Why is it there?” “I was worried it had got cold and sad.” “But you’re going to eat it soon anyway.” “The fact that we all have to die at some point doesn’t mean we should not live well, in comfort, beforehand.”

It does contain some of the best noises man has ever made The first twenty seconds or so should be offered to aliens to explain us

IMPORTANT: When transporting a giant puffball mushroom you have foraged, it is absolutely crucial that you ensure the mushroom is firmly strapped into the passenger seat of your car to guard against sharp braking and potential whiplash.

Me: "I mostly tend to listen to quite weird and experimental music these days. A lot of far-out jazz, Indian and Middle Eastern music. Not a lot you could really call 'songs'." Also me: *listens to Frank Valli's theme to Grease 11 times in succession*

Kidnapped, blindfolded fungus. Worrying scenes on a Sunday morning.

This is so lovely.

Be warned that this is what happens when you charge a regular mushroom for too long. Charge responsibly.

IMPORTANT: When transporting a giant puffball mushroom you have foraged, it is absolutely crucial that you ensure the mushroom is firmly strapped into the passenger seat of your car to guard against sharp braking and potential whiplash.

An extremely short horror story I wrote, set in the future.

Jim, last Wednesday, walking stylishly past a plant pot that had been knocked over by a strong coastal wind. Can you believe how amazingly fucking orange he is?

TODAY'S FIONA REPORT: Still That Bitch

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