🤯🤯🤯 youtube.com/shorts/7Q7mH...

I can’t tell you the lore behind choosing my career path because i got distracted and wandered away from it. now, I’m lost in the forest, trying to find it again fortunately, I found a house made out of gingerbread and candy and the nice lady there is feeding me and says she can help me

yeah, I have ADD* *Acute Doritos Deficiency

you can only hug one: the poster or the person ruining the ratio

Baby Birdsong Born at Buc-cee’s

Oh thank goodness He got most of them back 😭😭😭 www.tampabay28.com/news/local-n...

I can’t say what I want to happen to the people who stole this old man’s bees and wont give them back If I do, bsky will suspend me finance.yahoo.com/news/elderly...

My most important video

Look at me… I want to Lady and the Tramp this string cheese with you

🐣🐣🐣

Oh my duckling goodness, it’s hatch time again…number one is 3 days early 🤯🤯 Ducklings imminent people…I repeat, DUCKLINGS IMMINENT #FarmLife #ducklings #LittleFarm

damn that’s a massive dog

Someone stuck a tiger stuffed animal in there I’m sure of it

i hate how there are restaurants i’d love to try and stores i’d love to explore, but they’re on the wrong side of the road

WHO USED ALL THESE DISHES? WHY DOES THIS KITCHEN LOOK LIKE THIS?

Sometimes I need a minute. Sometimes that minute lasts 6 months.

I just need people to go to therapy and to leave me out of it.

i hope my therapist is ready for me to koolaid man into this session

“popcorn is my favorite dessert” sorry…I don’t believe you

Look at this baby penguin

A turducken, but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.

This is what nursing does to you I’ve been away from the bedside for YEARS Still have nightmares about it lol

can someone please bring me a mufawar coffee (light sweet) my doctor said if I get out of bed, i’ll die because i can’t stand on lava

Introducing a special friend in need of a loving home: Aristotle, located in Appleton, WI. Learn more: https://www.petfinder.com/small-furry/aristotle-78245210/wi/appleton/k-and-r-small-animal-sanctuary-wi360/

This is not a dog This is some ancient lil guy you gotta find on a quest

zippy 🥹

OH MY GOD

Someone please adopt her so they don’t make her take school pictures again Or at least help her with her lipstick next time (I love her)

anyone who likes bread and butter pickles is a threat to humanity

there’s entirely too many ways to hold your breath - take a small breath and hold it - take a regular breath and hold it - take a deep breath and hold it - take a deep breath, exhale, and then hold it I had to do all of these on-command, several times in a row for that echo AND THEN…

Ok Bluesky, let’s give this a go: I found this postcard in the back of a photo frame I bought at a London thrift shop. It’s an unsent postcard from a woman called Linda to her parents. The front shows the Kremlin in Moscow and the stamp says 1984 (!). I’d love to return it to Linda - can you help?

It’s now a POST-EXERTIONAL ECHO Don’t tell me where to park if the registration desk at that entrance closes after 3pm and now i gotta walk all the way to the main entrance and back Now they gonna think i need heart surgery

this who runs this account

hiring a personal assistant for the day responsibilities: 1. take me to my echo appointment 2. follow the ultrasound tech’s instructions* *hold my boobs out of the way for the duration of the test, so i can nap

"sorry I panicked and ordered five lbs of mozzarella sticks I promise I can change"

A dating app that lets you set a budget and say what kind of food you want/don’t want. Likes/dislikes. As much info as you want to provide. You decide whether or not you want to meet someone, after your food gets delivered, based on how well they ordered for you (You pay for the first delivery)

Please do not rake the leaves out of your yards. I am sleeping under them.

Delivery driver mixed up my order with someone else’s from a whole different restaurant Me and a complete stranger are now texting each other reviews of the food we each planned to eat:

No response for 37 minutes I’ve moved on LMAO

who up watching videos of animals hugging people and crying?

Ok, I did…for tomorrow lol

If I wasn’t about to go to sleep, I’d send a Happy Food Mix-Up Anniversary text

Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door. This is who it was:

maybe my head has too much juice in it it’s happened before

there’s a chunk of feta in this salad that’s so big I thought it was a random cauliflower at first i’m so happy

🚩when you have ‘per my last email’ the reason ur not interested in a position

a job recruiter with sex-pest vibes no means no, you employment pervert

@mementomorty.bsky.social want the olives (-1) from my Greek salad? (-1 because I’m trying to learn to like them)

goats can’t consent to being scaped, so i think people should stop that

atomically eepy