OMG I am watching a YouTube reaction to The Proposal and these guys are talking about the potential benefits of scam marriages I accidentally hit the text-to-speech button on my phone as I was adjusting my blankets Imagine receiving this message at midnight with no context 💀💀💀

I need to be swaddled and rocked to sleep

I stayed up too late and accidentally ate my breakfast pizza 😞

FYI - if you have a bubble water maker, this makes delicious bubble water Just use a fat straw so you can suck up the bits of citron (I like to eat it) or strain it or whatever It’s the first time I’ve had it cold and it’s so good

make it safe for victims to speak listen to them believe them

baby

OH MY GOD

A tweet that lives rent free in my head? When @bellabee13.bsky.social said

I burned my tongue when I was logged out yesterday Sorry i couldn’t tell you in real time

I AM BACK

Let’s see how long i can stay logged out. Someone start the timer

self-doubt 👀 self-doubt, queen?? self-doubt 👀

WHY DOESNT MY COSTCO HAVE THESE? I NEED THEM HAVE ANY OF YOU TRIED THEM? (they’re called pranksters)

If I use a store’s app to make my list and it doesn’t automatically do this, i probably won’t shop there again

going to start wearing shirts that say "squeeze me to hear me scream"

i need to be able to sing along whilst walking in the rain

can someone please ask adele to record a slowed-down version of somewhere only we know’? i think that’s what’s missing in my life

watching YouTube videos of baby elephants trying to cuddle people and now i know what’s missing in my life

Omg I don’t think it’s the same lil guy at all, but now, this gif sounds like this

sound on

@pavanareddy.bsky.social with a timeless reminder for me and maybe you 🖤🩶🤍

Therapy session in a 2 person tube on the lazy river

an all-inclusive resort with good food and fun lil activities and… psychiatrists and every kind of therapist insurance pays for all the medical stuff. you just pay for the vacation part is anyone working on this?

They just like me fr

I did not put bay leaf on my first stew of the season and it turned out soooo much better

the puppy knows choreo 😭😭😭😭 you can tell it’s anticipating some of the moves 😭😭😭

[smol child gets on elevator] smol child: hi 🙂 me: hi 🙂 [smol child gets off elevator] me: bye 🙂 smol child: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I’m absolutely horrified by how well i can hear every word being said by the person whose voice is being basted thru the speakers of high-end car sound system. Walking by a parked BMW, Bowers & Wilkins speakers announcing to the whole neighborhood: …AND THEN THE GYNECOLOGIST CALLED TO SAY…

gonna become a ‘waist bag’ person, I fear i can just see it in my future. no, i can’t bring myself to say fanny pack

Oh! This reminds me… 🕷️Annual Notice🕷️ Sometimes black food & beverages, like frosting or that fancy black water, contain activated charcoal Activated charcoal interferes with meds, including birth control pills Do what you want with that information

Honey @floregonian.com @rningscissors.bsky.social

VERY IMPORTANT NEWS #nutmegsky www.ctinsider.com/news/article...

sound on did you know ducks do THIS #🦆

will i watch the video of nacho the chihuahua every time it comes up on my feed? yes will i cry? also yes will i then go to nachos’ foster mom’s page and watch the follow-up video? yes, of course will i cry harder? again, the answer is yes

hello there simon

Me in this TGIF.

i love when website is all 'verify you are a human' and it's just a checkbox me: ok, if this makes you feel better ✔️

good cookies-for-breakfast morning

self-doubt 👀 self-doubt, queen?? self-doubt 👀

hey it’s q4 any 2025 goals that haven’t been started can totally wait until 2026

if you struggle to brush & floss at night (or even in the mornings)… i can’t tell you how nice these pre-pasted, individually wrapped toothbrushes WITH the little flosser thing on the end are www.brushee.com

thank you for giving me the idea to tag the person and/or people who prompt my edit interaction settings (I probably won’t, but I like the idea or threat of doing so)

Don't be the guy that prompts an edit to interaction settings

if you post something like at 10pm at night, you need a crepe pan and possibly an ADHD evaluation. Trust me on this.

Me, to my therapist just now: If you can squeeze me in, great! If not, I’m not a danger to myself or others. Really it’s fine. Like don’t inconvenience yourself or anything. [gets back into fetal position]

let the gourd times roll

The manufacturer has a handy map for where it's available: www.nuvaxovid.com/vaccine-loca...

FYI: CVS just let me schedule an appointment for this vaccine, and I just saw someone else say they received it at Costco today It’s out there folks!

OH MY GOD @naptime.theolive.garden and @thesix.bsky.social look at these

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.