I was so shocked that my husband didn’t understand my “bend and snap” reference, and he replied: “well you didn’t know DeeDee MegaDooDoo!!! I guess we’re both learning, aren’t we?!”

think it's time to bring back #cancelskip !

I woke up from a nap and apparently hockey is the national sport now

And her dressing up as a Native American for Looking Hot, to the rage of many indigenous groups. Harajuku girls would also be a pretty strong hint. Yes, Japan is very permissive about sharing our culture. Did you know her girls were restricted to only speak Japanese and she gave them *new names*?

swear words

the greatest pathogen of all? misogyny

LMAO WHY DID BLUESKY LABEL THIS ADULT CONTENT

my husband loves to share what he’s studying with me

lol filling out job applications is wild, like what on earth is this supposed to mean, there is literally no other context on the screen

Which one of you worked on this poster I know it was one of you

it tickles me that the gay couple next door moved out and they were replaced by another gay couple, like I am really glad our row is keeping our queer:str8 ratio at optimal levels

the term “wasian” is bad and must be stopped

The tragedy of John Fetterman is that he used to dress like a slob but have an encouraging spirt, making him an Oaf of Rugged Individuality, one of America’s great oaf groups. But now he dresses like a slob and whines all the time, making him an Oaf of Misery

We actually have a good amount of supporters who disagree with me on a number of key issues. Every single one of them says they’re voting for me because they know where I stand and I won’t lie to them. The bar is in hell.

a man who doesn't eat pussy should starve

well I’m definitely never taking prazosin again, holy moly

This is corgi defamation. @realqrampage.fightins.online

guys I started prazosin for my PTSD nightmares and it’s not working and I went downstairs to get water and now I cannot get back upstairs and my husband is straight up passed out and not hearing me or his phone

a man who doesn’t eat pussy is NOT husband material

I’m so sorry but this season of Love Is Blind is just validating my feelings about Ohio

holy shit, I really hope they kill off Chris on this season of Love Is Blind

relevant smbc comic:

omg chat, should I start a cult?

I remember like 10 years ago my family thought my cousin was crazy for choosing to raise her kid with her husband AND with another couple (all 4 of them bought a house together as well), and now as we’re talking about a future kiddo, what they did makes so much fucking sense to me !!!

I was wondering why I felt like absolute garbage and then I realized it’s because my uterus is once again mad that I haven’t given it a baby

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are absolutely insane.

a) pedocon theory remains undefeated b) I’m sorry his name is WESLEY R. DINGUS???

oh my god these people on Love Is Blind being like “Florida has a great education system” and then inaccurately explaining menstrual cycles and fertility lmfao

I am definitely getting old because I’m at the point where people make pop culture references around me and I’m like “what the fuck are the words you’re saying to me?”

"The cops can drink as much as they want there...The bartenders serve them till they're blackout drunk and let them leave." Quote from a woman who was hit by a drunk-driving cop *while sitting in her living room.* This story from the @inquirer.com is a hell of a thing. share.inquirer.com/yynTQX

“my children might see the children I voted to put in shackles, how shall they grow up”

highkey anxious as hell every time one of my teammates takes off time for an any sort of immigration meeting and like, I’m not anxious because of work, I’m anxious because I love them as humans

oh to be the person behind the counter at the cop shop who gets to say 'can you confirm your date of birth? oh it's today. happy birthday' what a treat

I'd prefer it not have taken decades but personally I like blows being struck against elite impunity and would like that for us in the US very much

Alecto needs to be perma’d off the platform. This is fucking dangerous and deeply evil behavior.

This #sheshed stuff is literally some of the worst internet behavior I’ve ever seen. They are literally blackmailing a rape victim with the threat of emailing their rapist over not liking how she was using a HASHTAG.

I was telling my husband that I’ve been having weird frustrating dreams and he told me he’s been having dreams about massaging our next door neighbors in a homoerotic way, which sounds much nicer than my weird frustrating dreams

lmao a white dude sealioning in my mentions and then telling me they “canceled my access” to them when I call them on it is so fucking funny to me, like oh noooo please don’t cancel my access to your amazingness!

I see that stencil is back to being fucking awful, which honestly just adds to the pattern recognition that makes me not want to trust white dudes who are doing anything good because there is always an ulterior motive

you’d think I wouldn’t have to say things like “we don’t say the r slur” at work but here we are

anytime someone asks me a question at work today: “sorry, I was having a sneezing and coughing attack, can you repeat the last 5 minutes of what you were saying?” very productive to be a noble American and push through while sick 👍🏼

out of sick time because I had to use all of it for my menty b so everyone is just gonna have to deal with me working from my bed today while this cold kicks my ass

The drunk uncle theory. You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there

White supremacy is just a job you do, like architect or serial killer

love to be stressed out every minute of every day about things I cannot directly control

i’m gonna keep being annoying about DHS/ICE/CBP in healthcare facilities here & screaming to over prepare after seeing stories from what’s happening here because i never want this to happen to other healthcare comrades & the patients we care for regardless of who they are or where they’re from btw

how does a guy literally named Roman Tony not play for Italy