Read it one more time, but from a different angle in your brain, like when ET puts on the wig

I asked if we could change the logo of the imprint when my book comes out. I'm Charles Scribner's favorite son, fight me

I would walk through a brick wall for someone to say good job to me so don't mess with me man

Oblivion is calling for you. Become a writer.

Same, taco bell, same.

It's better odds with scratch off tickets than reading and submission fees. I'd rather set money on fire and give it to the state lottery than give my heart to another writer and 25 bucks to add to the insult

Even if those words make it out alive against every odd, from your head to the page to the several rounds of editing to publication, you'll never make it past the algorithm or the fact that no one reads anymore. Have fun and live más

Newsletters, bylines in things that don't exist anymore, literary magazines that sound completely made up, diaries, blogs, dead sea scrolls, your book, etc etc. You gotta write it down somewhere.

the Supreme Court is just the regular court but with sour cream and tomatoes and the power to strip humans of all our rights and feed us to corporations and bigots

I'm going to start adding writers on my personal LinkedIn just to scare them

@tacobellquarterly.org is, like, my favorite account on this entire platform. I think the reason the real Taco Bell doesn’t have a BSky account is because they don’t wanna be confused with this guy.

Because I have an explanation for every thought I have ever had and I need to tell it to you

All you have to do is show up and jump and the free fall will tell you what to expect next

Sitting with this wisdom while I wait for the coffee to kick in

This is accurate, and saying "fuck you i can't" to your own feelings of inability or despair also works. (Positive reinforcement is good and sometimes necessary too tho)

You can't quit forever. Then you'd have to think about writing forever. And at that point it's easier to just write forever.

The trick is you just say fuck it, whatever, in any situation

JUNK (Scribner 2027)

Make it even longer you weirdo

I sincerely doubt I'm going to find the latest social media tips in this author portal and I'm not downloading a powerpoint Simon and Schuster

I hope when I die that I go to heaven where I also don't work on my short story collection

You're not running out of time. You have to do this forever

FRIENDLY FIRE: A FRACTURED MEMOIR (HarperCollins, 2024)

See inside for writerly wisdom from @nickarvin.bsky.social @tacobellquarterly.org @melissabroder.bsky.social @zzdoublezz.bsky.social and more! open.substack.com/pub/artoffla...

May need to pin this to bedside my desk like the Taxi Driver guy but like … less intense

My first publication was an advice column style letter in American Girl magazine in approx. 1993 that I still stand by; hopefully my second publication will be a book Oh also that day when @thestranger.com let me & a few other frequent commenters take over Slog for some reason

This is truly how books are written!

You don't need experience or fancy writing credentials. You could flash an empty Taco Bell gift card at the gatekeepers. Mick Carrigan has no publications or bylines to his name. I previously went by initials or a pseudonym! My first publication will also be my first book

Just actually write down the things you are thinking. That's how you do it

Anyway, yeah I think I just wanted to tell you my entire life story like a total weirdo

I'm so bored with the takes of old white dudes about publishing

Call me fucken Melville, then, dawg

Emotional longing counts as writing

I’m feeling frustrated creatively at work and this and @tacobellquarterly.org are absolutely hammering me with reminders that there is Another Way.

Hire me to train the AI to take a shit

It'll all get worked out in the audio book.

Except for lists, my comma usage is almost entirely vibes-based.

Do I even understand how sentences work? Not really! All I basically understand is words say things.

whenever I schedule a zoom with my editor or agent, they're doing their real jobs, but I have to take time off from mine, which is my favorite part of the joke

Writing is very hard. It is difficult to communicate meaningfully even in small ways. Attempting to do it at length is so challenging, it is the basis of all of the AI monstrosities being invented. Literally all the AI can do is write, and it can't even do that. Give yourself credit. You're doing it

If you're not writing a book, you could just start one

you only arrive at "I'll write a fantasy book built all around piss" with the mindset that you personally know everyone who will buy it

This is our entire publishing ethos.

This is my roadmap.

That's the spirit! I'm off to write an even more stupid journal article.

Turns out this was exactly the motivational message I needed today, maybe it is what you need too

If nobody buys your book who cares? You can write an even more stupid one after that

thinking you're ever making progress is the delusion of creative writing that will carry you when there is only one set of footprints

Now they're making me track changes in the word document. I feel like I'm at the part of the job interview where I completely lied that I have an expert understanding of the Microsoft office suite. I have no idea what I'm doing, I've just been making stuff up since I was 22, Simon & Schu

Go get a bag of chips and a soda and write your book and you'll feel better