we have ghosting all WRONG

guy at CVS opened the multivitamin cabinet for me and I accidentally grabbed the 50+ vitamins. “Oh these are for an older gentleman,” I said. He comes back, “Well, you do look a little tired.” Have a great day everyone! Read for filth at CVS! Time of death: 10:11am

Why I Am Never Leaving New York (I am chained to a radiator in the basement of the Times Square M&Ms store)

In these times of complete certainty, clarity, and altogether BOREDOM at the state of things, it’s so important to enter a space where you don’t know what it is going to happen: my mind! See you on tour in these 12 cities this fall!

New episode lands this weekend on @meidastouch.com with abductee aka “guest” @zzdoublezz.bsky.social

vintage Cuomo hate

I’ve been at the corner of happy and healthy for an hour - where are you guys?

TONIGHT AT 8: Iranian-American author of “Martyr!” Kaveh Akbar on the toll of war between Israel and Iran, Michigan Senate candidate @abdulelsayed.bsky.social on threats to American democracy, and comedian @zzdoublezz.bsky.social on Trump's ongoing assault on diversity.

Lotta POSTCARDS from Cuomo, lotta PEOPLE for Zohran and Linder - can you buy an election??? tbd

speaking out about something I love (to hate) - from my special Surprise Me now on YouTube

happy nyc early mayor voting! nyc has a sample ranked choice ballot online — and it’s very cute on first glance, until you realize Cat is calling for the EXILE AND/OR GENOCIDE of his opponent’s species

what does a journalist say before they orgasm? im about TK

my type (not picky!!)

I love to go on the news

re: Trump coin

“unconditional”

wow thanks vulture! stream my new special this weekend!

my first comedy special is now live! stream it on YouTube tonight!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

a clip from my new comedy special “Surprise Me” premiering in 13 days

help

The moral of Mickey 17 is that there’s a big difference between 17 and 18

why can’t there be a blood moon matinee

Did you know the average human spends 14% of their life watching prestige TV title sequences?

why I didn’t cancel my show at the Kennedy Center

why I didn’t cancel my show at the Kennedy Center

Last Friday, comic @zzdoublezz.bsky.social performed at the Kennedy Center, which had very recently canceled a scheduled performance by the Gay Men’s Chorus. So, Zach invited the chorus on stage to sing during his show instead. They sang "the gayest song we know" (~32:40): youtu.be/DxsK2RTit34?...

played the Kennedy Center on Friday — while it’s still called the Kennedy Center

we have fun @jayjurden.bsky.social

come see us Friday in nyc at the Pretty Major holiday spectacular 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏽🧑‍🎄 Union hall 7:30

feeling nostalgic 😍

we really mislead babies about the role high fives play in day-to-day life

the most insufferable people in the world have seen WICKED zero times or 2+ times

some Wicked jokes 💚💖

my mom was very proud of her prank

what would you tell your younger self?

💚💚💚

can we make bluesky a home for (non-evil) stand-up? 🥺🥺🥺

🍎🍎🍎

what’s the difference between twitter and bluesky? Here I post with a British accent

there was a cute couple in the gym sharing a kiss before their workout - I had to squeeze between them to get to the bathroom to take the shit of the century 😉

show promo on blue sky? brave new world!!

a new 24-hour diner gave me a free T-shirt when I asked to buy one 🥹

I went canvassing for the first time in Pennsylvania last week (0-1, I suppose) but gained some insight and perspective I thought share in prose: open.substack.com/pub/armadill...

the whiplash of the instagram algorithm today - big difference between 20 minutes ago and 20 hours ago

okay I’m here now lol

hi, I’m part of the “rate limit exceeded” exodus — sorry it took so long 🙏