I’ve met a lot of guys who served who hilariously said the same thing

Trained bestie up enough to pawn off the shitty jobs I don’t want to do onto her, she gets more money and I don’t have to suffer some bullshit

When they cut everyone but the engineers you know you’re so fucked no one goes home till it’s fixed

Bestie holding up a ziplock back of raw wonton filling: imagine making a single wonton out of this like a one ton wonton Me: is your plan to use that like a pipette bag? Bestie: it’s gonna work

What I’ve discovered is if you take bestie out for a 6-8 hours of walkies around town, feed her multiple times, and buy her multiple alcohol and non alcohol based drinks, she will finally chill the fuck out at home and not be bouncing off the walls

Bestie at the booze mini golf place: oh look kids are free on sundays Me: we are getting a dog not a child Bestie: ha so I can get a dog Me: god fucking damnit

Me: how’d you sleep last night Bestie: that rhubarb mojito put me down like a wild dog

Logging onto Bsky everyday like

I recently learned that gastroenterologists actually really love giving colonoscopies even though there’s now new techniques that don’t require them to jam stuff up your ass

Bestie ordering a mango and green tea smoothie and experiencing nirvana for a moment

Sissies are just femboys who experienced twink death send skeet

Me: how’d you sleep last night Bestie: that rhubarb mojito put me down like a wild dog

Bestie beat me but I was much drunker than her

Bestie: I’m not hungry We walk by a restaurant serving the crispiest fried chicken and an aromatic gumbo Bestie: I want to go in der

Bestie made me take her to her magic the gathering store and I literally walked in and smelled someone’s body odor

Bestie is not good at mini golf

Bestie at the booze mini golf place: oh look kids are free on sundays Me: we are getting a dog not a child Bestie: ha so I can get a dog Me: god fucking damnit

Bestie watching baby videos looking at me like: 🥺👉👈 Me: I’d get a dog before I got a baby Bestie: I can get a dog!? Me: no not the take away Bestie: you said dog or baby Me taking a deep breath: not what I said Bestie: too late no takes backsies

Tennis is bourgeoisie and pickleball is proletariat send skeet

I don’t always post thirst traps but my ass be lookin fat on IG

Fuck a zodiac sign what music do you shower karaoke to

The cis men in my group chat are not taking this news well at all

god ive been working so long without any days off im like heck yea 9pm bedtime this slaps

bestie imitating the viagra boys singer: wiener dog

I think on some level everyone craves a mommy domme

I love you afternoon coffee

Bestie wanders in making weird vocal stim noises with her mouth walks over and kisses me on the forehead returns to making weird noises and wanders out

Bestie wanders in making weird vocal stim noises with her mouth walks over and kisses me on the forehead returns to making weird noises and wanders out

I don’t think any of you were male socialized but I do think a lot of you were never socialized at all the way you act towards others is often very weird and off putting

bestie: is there a place we can get drunk and play mini golf? me: yes and its attached to a pizza place bestie: yaaaaayyyy!

Sissies are just femboys who experienced twink death send skeet

Bestie worked with this specific boymoder today

Bestie worked with that fucking boymoder today

As long as the internet has been around mods have been huge pussies drunk on hall monitor power All good websites are filled with users who despise the moderators and moderators who despise the users

BK has always been better than McDs people need to accept that also I could fuck up some of those onion rings right now ngl

I know how we can protect all the children we just take them all to a private island and *taps earpiece* oh my god oh no

some of you were socialized to believe in original sin and it shows

I just assume anyone who uses words like male socialization are walking around with improperly wiped asses because that's how stupid you have to be to believe in a concept like that

As long as the internet has been around mods have been huge pussies drunk on hall monitor power All good websites are filled with users who despise the moderators and moderators who despise the users

I don’t think any of you were male socialized but I do think a lot of you were never socialized at all the way you act towards others is often very weird and off putting

Sometimes all you need is a good hangout session #shibari #ropebondage #chicagodominatrrix

That boys hair is too long and too well bleached and too well maintained to have a cisgender or heterosexual explanation

Bestie: yea this bus will take us right to downtown Logan square Me: Logan square Bestie: yea the downtown part Me: you know what, sure yes the downtown part

Bestie ordering a pound of bbq pork, and a huge bowl of rice with 2 fried eggs on top She’s put in a good effort but she’s hitting the wall, someone’s gonna need a nap when she gets home

“oh so u think posting on Bluesky is any bett-“ let me stop you

Watching bestie wander around the pan Asian food court wide eyed and she tries to split her brain power between what she wants to eat and the gashapon machines

Bestie: yea this bus will take us right to downtown Logan square Me: Logan square Bestie: yea the downtown part Me: you know what, sure yes the downtown part

Bestie talking about a mutual friend: he uses a lot of words I DO NOT understand

Bestie ordering a pound of bbq pork, and a huge bowl of rice with 2 fried eggs on top She’s put in a good effort but she’s hitting the wall, someone’s gonna need a nap when she gets home

Watching bestie wander around the pan Asian food court wide eyed and she tries to split her brain power between what she wants to eat and the gashapon machines