I love my job because I don't have to use stupid corporate speak, I can go "that's fucking stupid and you're a fucking moron" and that is the normal way we communicate

Bestie half asleep on the couch clutching her giant shark to her chest and staring at the tv not a thought in her head

Bestie half asleep see a korok on the tv points and goes “labuhlabuhuluh” Me: you making the korok noise? Bestie nods

Bestie is so goofy when she first wakes up because her body awakens about an hour or two before her brain

It’s rly funny being the token white girl in a black guy group text

me: what if I made cornbread muffins with a whipped honey butter topping, like a savory cupcake bestie frothing at the mouth and licking her lips: u shud do that

unemployed AI stan: you need to learn ai to get a job in this market how's that working out for you there champ?

Jax is zoomer tv glow send skeet

Every time I try to take besties picture

The male equivalent of this is being insanely handy around the house and being able to remodel rooms

When I’m trying to talk to bestie about something but I’m not wearing a bra

bestie: I wish I could gain weight me looking at recipes for cinnamon rolls: that's good I need a taste tester

If you’re an excellent cook/baker someone will always be willing to be in a relationship with you no matter how insane you are A lot of you are just insane but with no skills to back it up and that’s your issue

If you’re an excellent cook/baker someone will always be willing to be in a relationship with you no matter how insane you are A lot of you are just insane but with no skills to back it up and that’s your issue

bestie: cinder never heard of biosuits me: that's because I fuck, I was too busy to plumb the depths of hentai friend: I mean sometimes you take a few hours to yourself me: im not saying I haven't gooned, we all goon sometimes but im saying I haven't done it enough to get to the real weird shit

Putting blink182 on to summon bestie from her autism den

Watching pro skateboarding is so funny because you have like Chad McKickflip, 35yo, 12 sponsors, in 2 video games, his own shoe And he’ll get absolutely bodied in a competition by an 11 year old boy

What’s the point of buying a console without a disk drive? Next gen will likely cost as much as a steam machine, might as well just salute daddy valve and get a steam machine at that point

Bestie ate half a loaf of banana bread last night

She’s got her noise canceling headphones and a loaf of banana bread to get her through this

Bestie reacts like a dog to fireworks

Bestie hacking off a two inch thick slice of banana bread to gnaw at while she watches team America

Tonight bestie watches team America world police for the first time

Watching bestie ping pong between drawing furries, eating banana bread, and playing mewgenics

Me: you can eat the banana bread now Bestie vanishes in a cartoon puff of smoke as she sprints into the kitchen and excited dances while she watches me cut it

Look upon my works and tremble Two banana breads, one with chocolate chips and one without

Making bestie 2 loaves of banana bread as she looks at me like I’m some kind of goddess

When the nectarine is super ripe n your morning Greek yogurt with chia and granola Just chefs kiss

Bestie and I’s review of Andretti Karting 10/10 have a blast racing highly recommend going there and racing your friends and family

Final round of bestie Grand Prix Cinder finished p2 and an abysmal p4 for bestie

Round 2 of bestie Gp Cinder placed first again with a blistering fastest lap with bestie taking a respectable third this time One more race to go can she dethrone the leader or will she be stuck in the slow zone again

First inaugural bestie Grand Prix race 1 results Cinder in first place, and a miserable run from bestie caught in traffic the entire time unable to pass and in a resounding 4th place She’s not happy about this one folks but there’s still 2 races left in this Bestie GP

Me: why is everyone so surprised I like baking? Bestie: maybe because baking is very warm and inviting and you’re generally so good and distant

Me after walking into the office to see bestie drawing a furry

Do not let the rest of the country lie to you Chicago genuinely has the best Mexican food in America

A fireworks related mishap would be the funniest way for it to happen

The pope should do more excommunications

The kids yearn to organically develop the skills to lay siege to the neighboring kingdoms

Ravioli are just Italian empanadas

Bruschetta is just Italian chip and salsa

Metal Gear Solid 2 or Metal Gear Rising Revengeance

Bestie lip syncing: don’t worry about a thing cause every little thing gonna be alright While doing unspeakable acts in mewgenics

Bestie stayed up till 5am playing with her new art tablet

Me: there’s like 12 bananas resting on the counter are you going to eat them? Bestie: those are for banana bread Me: I only need like 4 for a loaf Bestie: those are for banana bread 😀

In the kitchen proofing more dough and prepping bread stuff Bestie: I will handle your chores my queen lest they interrupt the sacred magic that gives me bread….oooh is that rye?

The Super Hot team should make a John Wick game

It’s funny how feral people go for fresh baked bread

it happened to me, today i reached deep into the millenial box of random cables i wont throw away in case i need them and had the exact cable i needed

bestie: wow 24 inches sure is big me: where you gonna put it when youre not using it? bestie:.....i did not think that far ahead