Me: So what do you think the movie was about? Bestie: ……Tylenol causing autism……?

Reading on the internet that adding Greek yogurt to eggs before scrambling them makes them extra fluffy: that’s bullshit Get up walk to the kitchen, crack two eggs and add dollop of Greek yogurt to them Scramble aggressively in the pan with chopsticks: well son of a bitch Take bite: oh fuck yes

Shimmying my juicy ass into yoga pants Bestie standing there mouth agape while her eggs burn on the stove

If they made that 70s show today with the same time gap it would take place in 2004

Bestie emerges from the bedroom She stumbles to the couch She wraps herself in blankets and stares at the tv She stares for several minutes “Oh yea” She gets up and grabs the switch control to fire up pokopia and returns to the blankets

Bestie is like a liquid, the longer she’s in one place the more she spreads out to cover the entire area I come out to the couch this morning and it’s covered in all the stuff she brought to the couch while she stayed up pokopiaing

Me: So what do you think the movie was about? Bestie: ……Tylenol causing autism……?

Now showing bestie: Scanners

I can’t tell if cybersmith is the greatest kayfabe poster online or if he genuinely is like that

I did not anticipate how feral bestie would be for a simple dish of pork and potatoes cooked in butter

Chillin on the couch bestie playing pokopia on the switch 2 and me playing katamari damacy on the steam deck

Bestie: first I steal everything valuable Me nodding Bestie: then I strip the land for resources Me starting to look concerned Bestie: then I terraform it Me: I think this game is doing something to you Bestie: then I can finally build a cute little village :D

Teasing the straight white boys in the tgirl group chat about how they’re gonna be the first to be killed by this administration if the draft goes through

Me: what if I did a Hayo Miyazaki movie marathon Bestie nodding excitedly Me: and I cooked a bunch of the food from the movies Bestie squealing with delight

It’s finally nice to bough to open the windows and air this apartment out

by the end of this term trump will force him to wear a frilly pink maid's uniform to his job as secretary of state

Bestie walking in with a loaf of bread: see I do bring home the bread sometimes!

how many other sissies you think are hanging out around the White House doin crimes?

I don’t want an AI to write custom feeds I wanna follow 25 of the most mentally ill women on this website and go wherever they guide me

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA *deep breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHA

Bestie: are you listening to owl city? Me disgusted: this is daft punk you philistine

Bestie in distress: we’re out of bread D: Me: oh no Bestie: I’ll have nothing left to soak up the goo D: Me: we can walk to the store Bestie: but that means I have to go outside D:

Nailed my omu rice this morning, the inside of the omelette was soft and gooey with perfect curds And I did it all with just chopsticks no spatulas required

Besties first day with a fully functional back and the first thing she does is go get herself Starbucks

Bestie: ok then when the shit covers all the skin on the face that’s furry Me: by that definition mystique from X-men is furry Bestie: no that’s Mon-ohohoh not today satan Me: Ahahah thats right you can’t say monster because that makes you a bigot against mutants which what X-men is all about

Me: at what point does tentacles become furry porn? Bestie: I don’t think it can Me: but like imagine an octopus furry Bestie: like a minelayer? That’s monster fucking Me: no like a squidward Bestie begins screaming

Bestie: ok then when the shit covers all the skin on the face that’s furry Me: by that definition mystique from X-men is furry Bestie: no that’s Mon-ohohoh not today satan Me: Ahahah thats right you can’t say monster because that makes you a bigot against mutants which what X-men is all about

Me: at what point does tentacles become furry porn? Bestie: I don’t think it can Me: but like imagine an octopus furry Bestie: like a minelayer? That’s monster fucking Me: no like a squidward Bestie begins screaming

Bestie: I haven’t felt like this in over 10 years Me: Jesus fucking Christ really?

Do you think the marketing exec who had the idea to give men body dysmorphia knew it would end up like this?

Bestie moves and then suddenly lets out a sexual moan Me: finally pop your back Bestie panting: yea Me: all better, no more pinched nerve? Bestie wiggling around: yea I think so

Second Life will be eternal because it’s the only virtual platform that seamlessly lets you pay virtual prostitutes to have kinky weird virtual sex using elaborate virtual items you also paid for

I don’t want an AI to write custom feeds I wanna follow 25 of the most mentally ill women on this website and go wherever they guide me

Bestie explaining the concept of good and bad numbers to me Me: and they didn’t diagnose your autism until you were an adult somehow

Bestie: I made an orphanage for all the baby pokemon see? Me: why doesn’t it have a roof? Bestie: uhhhhh

Do you think the marketing exec who had the idea to give men body dysmorphia knew it would end up like this?

A movie where nic cage battles an AI that stole his face and body

Bestie has discovered she can order Girl Scout cookies online

Bestie building cute dense walkable urban infrastructure in pokopia

Headphones on, focused on my breath, doing yoga in the living room while bestie, still half crippled with a bad back lays on the couch playing pokopia When suddenly I look up and see bestie biting her lip and taking pictures of my butt

Bestie:…..that….was too real

Headphones on, focused on my breath, doing yoga in the living room while bestie, still half crippled with a bad back lays on the couch playing pokopia When suddenly I look up and see bestie biting her lip and taking pictures of my butt

Bestie awakens, stumbles into the living room hits her vape and fires up pokopia

What did Kubrick mean when he said the worlds most powerful men lead by a Nazi were going to go live in an underground sex and breeding bunker after they destroyed the world?

What did Kubrick mean when he said that nuclear Armageddon would be started by a blither idiot obsessed with the purity of the fluids in his body and who espoused insane conspiracy theories about chemicals in our food?

Bestie:…..that….was too real

Now showing bestie: Dr Strangelove

Me: ok now that you’re on the mend in the future where are you gonna tweak your back? Bestie: hopefully nowhere? Me: no wrong, at work if you’re gonna tweak your back you have to do it at work so you get money, tweak at home? No money. Tweak at work? Money!

Still riding high on this

Taking bestie for an ice cream because it’s nice out and she’s been so miserable with her busted back