I now believe that Erika Kirk is JonBenet Ramsey. Because I have a sense of wonder, god dammit.

I now believe that Erika Kirk is JonBenet Ramsey. Because I have a sense of wonder, god dammit.

Distributing a homemade publication about Donald Trump’s politics. I call it a MAGA Zine.

Distributing a homemade publication about Donald Trump’s politics. I call it a MAGA Zine.

Nobody could destroy a Taco Bell bathroom faster than Queen Elizabeth.

Pretty telling that “pay an artist for their work” was a total nonstarter for the NFL. This isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and obviously Taylor Swift will be fine. But imagine the absolute gall to say to the biggest star on the planet “we’ll pay you in exposure.”

Skillet Dinners (1972)

Buddy, you KNOW I’m gonna wrap my arm in a blanket and poke at you until you attack my arm with all your might. Don’t like it? Get a job.

Tell my family I love them. I may be gone for a while.

Buddy, you KNOW I’m gonna wrap my arm in a blanket and poke at you until you attack my arm with all your might. Don’t like it? Get a job.

We’re approaching levels of Brandonization that previously seemed impossible

If you tapped his face, it would shatter like the skin of a perfectly-roasted chicken.

SCOTUS has gone feral.

Remember when Republicans said Paul Wellstone’s funeral was a tasteless political spectacle?

“Stop demonizing me!” -An actual demon

Hi, Bob!

Back in my day we had hope for the future

*sad Borat voice* My rights

Lmao fuck off

You mean to tell me that a week of groveling and letting Republicans frame every issue has set them up for further humiliation?

*sad Borat voice* My rights

I went to a friend in tears earlier this year. His advice: he was a rural gay kid in 2004 when Bush was re-elected and cried himself to sleep because he had no future. But he never gave up on activism. Now he's married and has a great life. He said: "The only inevitable thing is change."

I don’t even like Kimmel and Colbert and this is absolute horseshit.

D is the obvious answer, but don’t sleep on G.

Elon is gonna be pissed

Update: they’re OK with plain yogurt and sliced banana.

These are the most pathetic losers who have ever lived.

I bought Pumpkin Spice Cheerios on a whim the other day. Like an idiot. They’re not very good.

The article was kind of hard to read but what it showed me instead explained things pretty well.

We must protect Martha at all costs.

We trained a LLM exclusively on that list of fake American names from that old baseball video game, and the had it name our child.

don’t worry guys. I will figure out how to make TVs

This is a pretty dangerous time and we’re all on edge, and we shouldn’t diminish that. But when it comes to petty chest-thumping like this, the correct response is to point at them and laugh.

Going back in time with a few gallons of Bacardi 151 and some delicious mixers, and letting the Andrew Johnson problem take care of itself.

Here is some non-satire for you: Trans rights forever.

Willian Gimenez was abducted by ICE yesterday in Chicago. He had been part of a lawsuit against off-duty police and Home Depot employees for abusing day laborers. Latino Union says he was targeted for advocating for his rights as a worker. @bloomekatz.bsky.social and I report.

No Cowntry for Old Men

Everyone in this administration needs to go to prison or else this society is turbofucked. And I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Can I say something without everybody getting mad?

it's been on fire like five times in the past two weeks

We’ve been living through 72 nonstop hours of this exact tweet

Choosing to read this as if her name is Aura Farming.

in retrospect, there’s probably never been a name as threatening as “America Online”

a country that routinely mourns the death of fascists and routinely ignores or rationalizes the death of targets of fascists is a fascist country, hope this helps

Here's what you need to do. You need to go to patreon.com/scumbelievable, you need to subscribe, and you need, need, to read Gretchen Felker-Martin's @scumbelievable.bksy.com's obituary for Charlie Kirk. It's the best thing she's ever written.

Strikes ‘n gutters, man