It is so beautiful when someone is a creep in another language 💖 or an accent if your options are limited 💖🙏

You have to be nice to me I'm your mother

Mom's new haircut selfies

God I would be sooo upset if I was 21 years old and childless and this is how I looked... Unfortunately this is the only standard by which we can measure beauty and I will probably die.

Internet connection just teetering between useless and functional so you don't really know what's working and what isn't

People talk about being the youngest child but they don't talk about being the youngest child with a BIG age gap and that's not the same. That's EXTRA youngest child, that's the child they picked up at the checkout after finishing all the shopping they really wanted

News headline: this entire town is moving two miles to the left My body (who hates me): They are LOOKING for you. Also I'm churning up your uterus in here. Time to change your underwear

bella worl

For billions of years kinetic sand existed with no real purpose. It was only in the last ten years we figured out what it was here for which was, of course, to be captured on film being smushed around making nice sounds

Would anyone like to be insane with me in secret

I have this pair of trousers that I thought were just too small but I've slimmed down some and now believe they are intentionally cut for camel toe city.... Just a pair of coochie highlighting trousers... Where are you supposed to wear a pair of trousers like that anyway?

Thank you for keeping me SO updated on other people's political posts. No really. Thank you. I'm all caught up now though, no more required

Beautiful Woman Derangement Syndrome

My bf is WORKING from HOME when he should be WORKING OUT how to HOME all of my precious gems and jewellery;;!!!!

Cutie Man Mystery grassyvalley.thecomi...

Hey guess what I think? I'll tell you all about it- On Bluesky

Sorry if I act strange or mess up today for whatever reason my period is inside me tearing me open and screaming about shame and fear a LOT

You're all allowed to be a bit weird to me about me being British but not in a way where you seem too excited to do pretend racism I think

Sugar is an all rounder health supplement, take sugar to replace the stuff you're missing in your meals

s/o all the scene queen paris hilton types at home napping and cleaning their house and cooking dinner all the time

I know you think I stay home all the time and don't know anyone and have a young child to take care of and don't really drink but you're missing the fact that I am a party girl and a professional socialite??

At the doctor's they should have like the pain scale but it's for your mental state on your period and it's got mr krabs freakin out, Toni Colette screaming etc

No a coherent thought converted into text is fine. I know how to do that. I've done it before

If you are bored this wednesday... I am eating a noisy ryvita and I will take care of you...

I’m the one they film playing all the mobile games unbelievably poorly for the ads; you cannot imagine what I’m like as a lover

Don't get even... Get mad in a way that makes you sexy

Why don't we all watch YouTube subliminals and manifest a better political climate? It couldnt hurt

I'm a much worse person when I have low self esteem so unfortunately for those of you who find my self aggrandisation unappealing- I am a popstar. I am ver y famous. Peopl copy my haircuts,

You would think there would be a crowd of thousands clamoring to bust in and do it with various weapons every hour of every day... Or a nice long queue for the Brits here

Watching incredibles 2 the other day caused me to start aggressively looking up waist training corsets

Open the flubgates

Okay everyone the jig is up, flowers just smell like wet girl grass or a mixed leaf lady salad and you know it

You are all here on my phone and I love you

Cranny boy truther

Hmm... Even Stevens on whether the moon should kill us

Hey if you need a place to crash can you do it at my place please??? We have a lot of DIY projects we won't finish without the threat of someone from outside seeing them

A moon that doesn't kill you

A moon that kills you

The moon should kill you... hmm... Or maybe, it shouldn't? Would we even go to tHe moon if it didn't kill you?

I'm quick to describe myself as stupid but I can be smart too providing nothing bad is happening to me and all the right conditions are met

As a mother I know how important it is to rest, which is why if my child does not wake me up before 7AM I lie awake imagining how awful it would be if she didn't wake up until she does

They are letting me join the next big music tour as famed girl group member "barbecue spice"

The day after Easter for breakfast you can stir some of your Easter chocolate into some porridge you're welcome #momlife #vegetables

They're saying you're posting for people who just got here. People who think you're the first person to do all those bits

Birdsong is actually always about the bird fetishes they have. They're all tooting off about bird inflation

Hang on guys I found something I want in life: I would like to see a bilby. And that big underwater statue in the Bahamas. So that's two things

Now is the perfect time to freak out about knowing what direction you want to take your life in. This is why you are sick. You have no focus!!! There is no time to rest!!!!!!

They don't let you be insane in real life the way they do on websites

Printing out the pfp of post stealers and nailing them to a pike outside my house...making t-shirts about it...

Several years ago a relative I'm not in contact with anymore shared an onion video in outrage and when informed about the whole onion thing replied "we don't have onion here" and there's gotta be something I could do with the recurring memory