For a while I really thought we were all gonna sleep in a big bed together... How things change...

Don't talk to me unless you're ready to have a shared delusion

If you're feeling down just look outside at your beautiful garden with the nice stone and the two birds and your pile of straw and your healthy camel and the happy morning worm and prized racing hare and your gift horse a cabbage, a wolf, a sheep etc

If you hear me say I'm lucky and I'm thankful for the things in my life and that pisses you off I am afraid that is your own fault. You could also say that about your dumbass life tOo

Did you wake up beautiful today gang?

Will my gift horse teach me how to play poker

At this point the only thing I know about doing with a gift horse is looking in its mouth. Nobody ever tells you what you CAN do with it

Need to trauma dump my whole life out without missing ANY of the really juicy bits this time

It is easy to feel like there is nothing, like it is all over, like a drastic change needs to be made OR ELSE, but there are small acts of kindness everywhere, and nice meals to prepare, and more things are happening all of the time, some of them brilliant, and also, the nose pickers gambit

How to celebrate Easter with your online community

Acceptance is old hat. Radical self aggrandisation NOW!

Sorry for going absolutely insane for at least six months there

Feral in the week leading up to an eyebrow appointment.. practically a cave creature

3yo got a bit of a sticky eye so I told her we'd put a teabag on it later, which excited her a lot. Upon finally getting the prized eye teabag she laid on the sofa despairing over and over "help! I can't see anything with one eye!" Anyway now she says it's not a real eye teabag, just a tea one

War? War never changes. It is not dressing. Outfit repeater

I have to remember to be so conceited all the time otherwise people fall out of love with me

Hotel night terror Big tarantula on wall Loud scream wakes up man

Statue with boner For people to have sex with Why not? Oh the germs

Statue with a boner out so ppl can have sex with it. Why not? Oh sanitation issue

Not gonna say anything vrude for valentine's day. This is a family noliday

They're playing "ride wit me" to me at the nursing home which does jog my memory but now I'm reciting the plot of scary movie to them as though it happened to me

Wait who does she think she is even???

kitten

Happy valentine's to all my followers who are in love with me 💖💖 have a great day if you think I'm okay 💖💖 everyone else sleep it off

happy valentines day to the lovers and the biters 💗

Cairo is ready

My Brilliant Comments grassyvalley.thecomi...

Hypothetically- *could* it be sexy for a man to be blushing? I'm honestly not sure...

More potatoes that aren't afraid to be themselves. More dishes at takeaways where the potato won't hide what it really is

Thank you for my love letters, especially the one that just said penis balls, I still want to send you guys one!

All that stuff that's wrong with me they're just calling being a puppygirl now

Sometimes a song appears, a golden holy grail for middle of the road radio stations people can have on at work... Raye's where is my husband is that song

Also I think everyone should post their NGLs so we can send each other love letters anonymously too ngl.link/bellatrellia

I will be writing valentine's for all mutuals who like again this year, as I did last year, and then later I will imagine a lucky two of you kissing, for fun

I'm glad being brunette works for some of you but I'm not enjoying it AT ALL

Fighting powerful menstrual depression to win the grand prize of "entertaining" my friends by "playing" a "video game" about having a miserable and violent life , booyaa

Do you need to be more visible, more loved, or less on your period? Hard to say

I used to like asking my ex if ppl had sex in star wars and how they did it and who and if the sex was confirmed largely because he really, really hated it but also because I like to know these things

I miss crab man

Having a good time but making it weird for everyone

Post-it note on the mirror reminding me I'm a adult and will not be arrested for posting mildly risqué selfie

Doing what the stars suggest

Costar told me to take a lavender bath and post thirst traps and my face curled up like the grinch

The snooty disinterested man in the Google pixel ad asks "if someone asks you a question and the answer is on your phone, shouldn't your phone just, answer?" No??? No. The answer is no.

I have the cutest little reading glasses now btw they're adprable

I'm a deeply flawed individual, but I bring joy to the world.

A lot of the stuff going on in the world could actually just be symptoms of hay fever, so maybe if we all take antihistamine it'll all even out...

If the mailman was here he'd know what to do. And then I would bite him

Emojis are so influential because they're really small, we love to see something small

I love when a guy looks at me completely blankly like a shark or a rock that wants to have sex