Folks we are considering giving up completely

Nobody wants to plan and communicate things thoroughly so they can be checked off a list and that's basically ALL I want to do!!!!!!

If you can read and understand these posts you are truly fluent in English

Inviting you to a party sort of but before I hand over the invite I'm like "do you care about my wellbeing and the wellbeing of others? Would you help me if you thought you could?"

Today a customer called me to complain about me because her husband waited til five minutes before we closed to buy her a potted plant as an anniversary gift and then walked out when we were only taking card payment at that time. I think he should have bought you something better on time... whatever

Brain so fried like beautiful egg

Comfort YouTuber who you do not enjoy as a person at all

Sort of categorically I am not a hit with the ladies

Having ideas at the no loads refused pimped-out cumdump event

The place you're "having ideas" is important, like It's great if you were having ideas at the library but I don't think you should share if you were having ideas at the morgue

Bucolic Desires grassyvalley.thecomicseries.com

When they don't know how to advertise for a movie that's showing they should be like "From the Year that Brought You-" and list a bunch of good movies that came out from the same time

Apple knife and potato bat (mealy weapons)

I've really come to appreciate melons despite them all tasting like water that has gone bad

A plant that needs watering every day is like, sure, I get it! You need to eat A plant that never needs watering is also cool, independent baddie, you don't need me... A plant that needs watering very rarely??? I am afraid you are going to have a bad time here, in fact you may be murdered later

Just imagined a party for only bassists. Not sure

One of my eye is not good... Sorry... It's not bad it's just not good...

Oh my god I love my baby my four year old baby I love her so much she is a drop of golden sun

guy who doesn't know how to use a key: keys are always so important in video games but in real life they just sit around wherever you put them

You can have a look at me online in my enclosure

Matthew Lillard Medieval Peasant with Sickness type google image search result

Does the mailman taste good? I do not think so, but it's not about that. It's about biting the shit out of him

Both of my parents are musicians in bands still if that explains anything about me to you

I don't know WHAT that is, I don't know WHO that is, and I can't IMAGINE how to solve either of those problems without telling you about it

It's all so embarrassing!!! Humiliation ritual life!!!!!!

Went outside to suntan but my phone got too hot and only my face went red... Just a beautiful British girl

4yo pointing at Christopher walken in the weapon of choice music video: oh this man's gonna be funky...he's gonna make me wanna dance too

*crinkling a plastic bag* that's what good pussy sounds like

Bought one of those big diet coke cans because I thought it might make me feel something and unfortunately it did

One of you needs to step up and be obsessed with me and my happiness once and for all *looking around* okay some of you are disqualified actually

It's time to lock in and go all bundled up down a hill

"every poo is dancing in the disco milk" - 4yo daughter on making up a silly joke

It's actually super easy to be horny about a bunch of weird stuff I think so long as you have a deep and inquisitive mind

I can invent a bingo tumbler cage in my mind any time and start popping out ideas...

You are now now rockin with a girl who wore Star Trek pyjamas as a kid and she exclusively referred to them as "bodelygos"

Mom thing: sometimes I'm worn out and sleepy and my child puts her little hand on my arm or my leg and it feels like triple concentrate having my hair played with or localised ASMR and you can't really say anything I don't think, you just have to enjoy the fleeting moment where they have powers

Ranking you all by who is funniest

Yes mom We need this for cigarette night and im throwing a fit if we dont have it

Flesh out your environment by becoming a random encounter, I have a lot of ideas for how

4yo wants us to guess what she's drawing so we try and she says "no, it's something new." Then she finishes it and says "and what is it?" It's something new. Objects without names, from the future. I couldn't tell you.

They're playing "ride wit me" to me at the nursing home which does jog my memory but now I'm reciting the plot of scary movie to them as though it happened to me

Post work monster ripper got me feeling jazzed and honestly a little unwell

Brainy Watchings 🧠 grassyvalley.thecomicseries.com/comics/58/#c...

Why not spend some time looking out of your window menacingly at night with the lights on? Just to give someone a little random encounter

(One of my beautiful autistic friends doing the smile they probably had to practice in the mirror to show enjoyment to their peers and seem genuine) wow, I can see that they love me, because of the smile

Hey guys, I know this is hard to understand, but it's actually OK to like "nice stuff." You actually don't have to feel empty when you're looking at something nice and over time you can build a tolerance where you may even start to enjoy it. Oh you guys didn't actually have that problem? Huh

I was born to be the plus one at a fancy party

Splendor lovers anonymous called. They called you a little bitch

I actually think I would be severely unwell if I had never had a foot rub

Saved a bee today btw so FUCK whatever you thought about me