Trying to explain dirt to someone. It's like brown, small wet rocks. No, smaller than that. No, not that small

It's probably dirt if there's trees growing out of it

Unconfirmed acorn sighting in the oak forest

Wizard of waiting out there in an alley with a chain

I'm on a summonfood diet

Making a noise that sounds like an insect flapping its wings

Type of shit I'm on

The wizard of sweet lies vs the witch of bitter truths

Can you tell I haven't trimmed my teeth in a while

I accept your quest, but ✋ you may dispense with the reasons, justifications, and stories. Simply place a marker upon my map and I'll be on my way.

Your favorite nephew's favorite nephew

Wizard of forgiveness

Trying to sell snacks at the execution most people tell me it's in poor taste I tell them no it tastes pretty good actually

I got the Warby Parker opera glasses with transition lenses but I mostly use them to watch executions from my balcony

Don't tell me a course in advanced pyrokinesis doesn't line up with your career goals. I know you're just a coward

With a tremor in your voice you order a very powerful health potion. I tell you "right away" and turn around to get it. My back to you, I then shake the bottle vigorously while giggling to myself. As you politely pretend not to notice this, some of your blood drips onto my floor. Minimum tip is 20%.

Pondering the aesthetics of the Paleocene

(politely) Are you an alien or just a very weird animal

Strong evidence that the events of last night have been erased from the minds of everyone in the tower but we're all happy to pretend it's just a case of the Mondays

Taking my dog* to the vet to get its venom glands expressed *dog-sized spider

I saw your girl at the wishing well with a huge sack of coins

Bro why are you getting emotional? It's almost like you don't have complete control over your mind

Wizard of finance

They call it a toilet for the way it toils when it ets your shit

I'm high off alcohol

are you going to Scarborough Fair? Can you get me an eighth?

I'm going to turn the joker into me

Not homeless I live in the firewood

Automated flagon

Choking on a cog

Entity boyfriend who cleans up after getting ectoplasm all over the bed

Nosferatu houses both alyke yn dignitye

I buy all my posts from a service

Turning spells on the street corner for cash

Totino's Goblin Rolls

"...plum pudding, roasted acorns, warm toast piled high with clotted cream and blackberry jam, followed by flagons of nettle tea, dog poison, and apricot brandy..."

New factory same as the olfactory

Holding up shazam to an ominous hum coming from the ruins

We still have a rapport but our banter is just not the same

I’ll stay here with the craft

So, good news and bad news. Bad news first. Your folly quotient’s been really high lately. But the good news is the gods are delighted

Stop calling them spells they're tricks

dont forget your item

Give me the intellect gem coach

In the earlied dawn. Straight up. Drinking it. And by "it"? Haha. Let's just say. My elixir

Set upon from all sides by rude jerks

This one's for the dribbling dolts. This one's for my mince-minded maniacs

Subverting established "chain of command" tropes by creatively reimagining a direct order

(spitting up a gallon of tofurkey) exsbluse me

(guy fighting a serious unguent addiction, seeing an argan oil display in the window): I could have a little midmorning anoint