Blue guys crying in the rain

If you wanna hang with me, there's two things you need to know: 1. I'm the baby 2. Gotta love me

[Batman voice, through gritted teeth] "I'm the baby. Gotta love me"

"I'm the baby! Gotta love me!" [shakes head and smiles] So relatable...

We're bringing back "home slice." It's hip and it's cozy. It's everything you want in a friend

"Thuh cwooked stwaight, an thuh wuff pwaces pwain" – The Prophet Isaiah [a toddler]

A huge bird told me

Over many years of disciplined study I have gained the ability to worry about anything

Flushing the toilet

She's got the cob, by god

They put my guy next to the widest trunk they could find

2026 is the Year of the Targeted Sinkhole

In 2026 I resolve to show more leg

1-800-63-SPACE

sorry i fed your twin sons a rich diet of acorns and beer

In 2026 I resolve to show more leg

Naturally I believe my powers increase in proximity to certain landforms

Stones, rocks and gravel: a naturally gluten-free food

I’ll never forget the jingle for Ape Escape: “Play the game called Ape Escape and crush the dreams of several apes”

There are a lot of great drawing tools out there. This is the one I'm enjoying at the moment

[through tears of joy]

The first music video I thought of in response to the MTV prompt was Vogue. It’s just kind of undeniable

We invented shipping and then it was shipping for the rest of time

Do we know where humanity's first port was?

I wonder who the first person was who saw ships bringing new shit to town and thought, "This is it, it's going to be like this for us forever now"

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court— BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

Thank you for complimenting my new oaf cut jeans!

i didn't even know there was daycare i thought people just left kids in one of the earths many chasms

Subject of my favorite Kate McKinnon impression. RIP

I am suppressing giggles at my in laws' reading this. What a mind. RIP

truly one of the geniuses of posting

Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.

One of the best to ever do it

Instead of talking to chat gpt all day, kids should be learning about the original A.I. - Albert Inestein

Thinking about applying for this job as a Sex Sheriff

I'm excited for Nosferatu, but I'm even more excited for the movie next year where Nosferatu, the Northman , one of the guys from the lighthouse and The VVitch team up to acquire a series of powerful jewels

Coworker: any plans for the weekend? Me: nothing much, probably just roaming the earth as did the dinosaurs of old

You know in movies where they kinda wipe their hand gently over the face of a dead guy and it closes their eyes. It would be a good gag if they did that on a guy with glasses. Either his eyes close or the glasses turn into sunglasses.

did the first guy in the werewolf chain just get bit by a particularly contagious wolf? caught a bad case of wolf? rare case of wolf to human transmission of wolf traits? and who figured out the silver bullets thing, Mr Fancy Bullets? and everyone had to say sorry for making fun of his gay bullets??

Don’t cry because it’s over. Don’t smile because it happened. They can sense movement and they are very, very hungry

J52.2 King descends to bottom of sea in glass barrel to learn wisdom from observing fish.

jokic is hurt, that's like if the mona lisa got injured. or i guess if Da Vinki twisted his shit up

In my dream last night I was offered something called “Ball Python IPA”

I quit drinking and to fill the spaces where drinking used to go I started teaching myself how to draw

This guy always looks like Solid Snake applying for a bank loan

illustration (1983) archive.org/details/elec...

This is what is known in architectural circles as a "penance toilet"

Which of my music-making mutuals will create a song called "Continuing Existence as a Ghost"?

Search Google for "Wrinkly Kong"?