My captive smurf just started glowing

reoccurring nightmare where mister krabs is my boss sexually harassing me and right before I wake up I look down at my hands and they’re bright yellow

D. Trump just pooped on live TV!

Donald Trump's Wacky State of the Union. You won't believe what just happened!

Bro come over, i just got an awesome new game for us to co-op!

They’re such fucking pussies. Take some snow, shape it into a ball and throw it back. Unbelievable cowards. This could have been an opportunity for the NYPD to engage positively with the community and they fumbled because they’re sad fucking cowards. As always: ACAB.

Playing my guitar and all the Smurfs start appearing from the treeline, drawn to my song

Stop firing up X the everything app. I don't care. Don't wanna see it.

They're making Monkeybone 2

As your new president, I am completely shutting down the military and putting their budget into a new department for cartoons. Every single comic or drawing will be serialized, paying animators handsomely for decades to come.

Gee, it sure is drafty in here! Anyways you won't see this post because I'm saving it to my "drafts". Hence the joke.

😭😆😭😆😭😆 (from: www.instagram.com/reel/DUHMRE0...)

I wish I could sit in a little chair and drink coffee all day

you guys wanna see some buckels? (opening trench coat)

good morning sweet babies… hiroshi nagai for your cold shitty monday…

The vibes were immaculate until you did that one thing.

Life hack: be successful and make money and have a lot of friends. This pays off in the long run

Fat Dog Mendoza doesn't feel like a real thing.

Fat Dog Mendoza is proof they would serialize anything in the 90s.

Nursing a chicken bake

Nothing better than a Costco dog and a pint of vanilla soft serve

My eyes just glance at your profile which really caught my eye and I would like you to be my baby darling and I promise to spoil you with any amount you want darling.

*eyes rolling into the back of my head* gragas and rammus when they see a lone mumu farming in the jungle

Sciences discovered a new food with over 100 ingredients

His wonderful technology destroys the world so I can get 10+ ads in a single Youtube video that all look like this

Richard Nixon Hentai Odyssey

ME WANT HONEYCOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bro, it's not "Me Season". Stop trying to trick the hunter, it's going to get me seriously hurt.

The Aliens just awarded me some neon medals at the Cosmic Olympics. I won several categories!

I don't "max" and I don't "mog". I consistently hit the bare minimums in life and we like it that way.

Stop talking about it. You know what.

When I joke about being injected with alienmorph mutagenic compounds I am NOT joking!!!!

Idk what the fuck is going on with people nowadays lol

It's Friday!!!!! Everyone drink your wonderful delicious coffee and go crazy!!!!

I need biomechanical additions to my body

I didn't stand for the pledge in middle school #badass #freethinker

GarfieldSexMusic

Squatting 300lbs

Hey. I heard you were complaining about my crooning. What gives?

Croons melodically

Gamers will pay for just about anything... except a bar of soap!

You are humanity's last hope... in this rogue-lite turn-based deckbuilder with comfy PSX Soulsborne influences !

Janitors need their own POW/MIA flags raised above all buildings. Lost too many to toxic trickles and overflowing toilets.

As much as I hate to say this, let the professionals clean up your event. You need our expertise.

Someone tried to "help out" by cleaning up after themselves, and the whole fucking building reeks of ammonia now and I think those mothafuckas gassed us out #mustard

This one nasty lifehack will get everyone around you sick. Try it today!

Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie was funny, I hope a lot of people go see it

My two moods

Absolutely insane the nasty shit that people will proudly admit to doing on the internet.

fucking poisonously deadly and fatal fucking cobras man yea