Jesus, they weren’t bloody joking.

The longer I use bluesky the more I like it because the profile pics near the funny posts start to have like lil histories and stuff and then one will post something like teehee I eated a burger :3 and I'm like wow this is a big day for u

out in the city in the sun alongside the pahlavist protestors and the scientologist recruiters and the smell of piss and cannabis

Please be nice to ALL trains

Interviewer: Do you have any questions for us? Me: Is your job like Suits? Interviewer: Not really. Me: Fine. Is it like House? Interviewer: No. Me: Fine. Is it like The Office? Interviewer: No. Do you want me to tell you what show it's like? Me: I'd like to keep guessing if that's okay.

I just saw an ad for an AI girlfriend app where the AI girlfriend in the video was a REAL woman moving around in a deliberately weird way with a filter in front pretending to be AI to scam people into thinking the app was better hahahahahaha I love the future

OFFICIAL BBW EMBLEM

god this design is so cool. the bike frame is kept as light as possible, then all the heavy components (battery, compute, jump mechanism) are put in the roll cage up top, and they use its inertia to flip the bike around. so fun! rai-inst.com/resources/bl...

Scully: Stop hitting yourself Mulder: An alien is using both our hands to hit me

it’s friday

Redwall FC

Right that will do I am leaving goodnight Americans thank you for all of the cinema

Starting a business called high IQ breast milk for wealthy babies and the advert has me playing chess against an ancient greek statue with my chebs out and the rest is just heavily implied

the spirit of the free flowing water: “come, traveller, i will show you the way to a tranquil place”

Rude

Stand up comedians need to focus on making their shows shorter. Nothing is THAT funny!!

this is a very bold thing to say -- women can't do this -- about a technology that requires the ability to issue detailed natural language instructions to an immensely powerful but childlike simpleton

Fat, healthy skeleton

Im fwouwoshing

(giving an intern my craft) Have this honed for me.

play mormon lives win mormon wives

They call it locomotion because it drives you fucking craaaaazzyyy look it up though it's medically dangerous

They call it pebbledash because if you're a builder you have to do it really quickly and then run away

If only spring knew what a glorious bitch she was perhaps she wouldn't be so shy

Results are inconclusive

Vacantly staring into space trying to work out if I took my pill by fully inhabiting my throat and tongue and feeling for the memory of pill

Innit

Yuji Kamosawa

the average human eats 8 spiders in their sleep every time they have a sleepover with Greg

Fuck off

Thankful the good lord above or possibly the devil made me so fucking rude it's very helpful People will politely ruin their whole fucking life just to spare some weak ass buckled brittle little bitch the discomfort of getting a grip

Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi https://theonion.com/exhausted-nation-lacks-strength-to-form-opinion-on-donald-glover-being-voice-of-yoshi/

(touching window gently) protect me from Outside

Car dashboards of the 1980s

Show me stunning drone footage of my friend Evan's house Show me incredible skills like juggling I can teach my friend Evan Recommend videos that explore Evan's way of life Show me videos of Evan loading his all-weather tires in the trunk Tell me about the civilizations that gave rise to Evan

how streaming feels sometimes

Can't help noticing in those 4am day in the life vids with drinks and yoga and stuff they never take the time to lie on the sofa for a bit and rotate pictures of David Bowie on their head

inviting the fellas over to watch me cast my gayest spell yet

they’re torturing workers in the poetry factories and the conditions overall just aren’t good

share.google/OWhp1cwWNuo8... There's a wild ass YouTube chess guy who looks like Daniel Radcliffe who's reeeeaaaaaallllly good at this can someone scan him please

Phantom of the Opurra

Devil May Vary

Imagine shaking a pair of maracas and there's just one bean in each

No, we won't.

Thinking about Grobian in London hope he's got some crisps