I have HURT MY PAW ON THIS FLOWER. Also the sun is TOO BRIGHT Ancient Animal Advent day 23! Info below.

me every night at 1:07 am "time to finally get my life together for real this time"

coining the phrase "in a pigs minute" ex: i'll be there in a pigs minute

you love to discover at 11pm that some diabolical mouse has squeezed into your spice drawer and chewed though your cardamon pods and your dried chillies and your nice packets of dashi stock power i am now in a mouse war

cats have tiny sharp hands

If the last 10 years have been weird for you maybe check if your phone is in Disturb mode

Biting the dentist. Biting the doctor. Biting the Wellness Practitioner. Biting the Reiki Master.

Job Opening: Computer Monitor Button Control Designer Requirements: 10+ yrs experience in sadism

hux is ready to be the face of your brand what are you selling

excuse me what THE FUCK is this though

stacking my pets in a vague tree shape for christmas

Piling all my furniture into the shape of a Christmas tree on the front lawn and setting it on fire

Hugo, my posting hand

celebrating the solstice by visiting kinross motorway services

I'm sorry it's called the WHAT NOW?!? CC: @depthsofwikipedia.bsky.social en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry%2...

i have such a wealth of odd monkeys in my screenshots from 5 years ago i must have had a phase

ok @crabman.bsky.social it can be #NoseMonkeySunday

hey it’s the morning why did it do that

it is now illegal to be awake when you actually need to be asleep i must be stopped

tomorrow’s me will kick today’s me’s ass

three of my cats had to hide under the bed for hours and hours after the appalling trauma of plumber working in the house all day fenris didn’t care, plumbers report to him

going to mcdonalds to get the grinch meal then going to burger king to get the spongebob meal then driving into the freezing lake

"Nobody seems to have the cilantro gene in Mexico" yeah because they genetically selected away from it. Because it's a weakness

broken old stuff

tonight i am going to have a BATH it is going to be SCALDING this is GOOD

important

blessings the boilerman is still at my house he’s been working here since 9am and he has nearly fixed all of my heating disasters i have a big tub of chocolates for him

my body seems to have decided i don’t need insulin today and i’m wasting precious christmasing time trying not to faint in shops aaarrrrgggh i want to kick things and cry

Joy up!

i just ate a miso caramel cruffin and you didn’t. sorry about that

huge mug of spicy chai ya bass

hiding from the radiator man because he’s in my house and all science has irrefutably proven that it’s not possible to stay inside your place while someone’s doing work in there

stabbing this cars headlights with a knife

why am i working on monday this was a foolish choice i have so much christmas still to organise

bro I would go to this. they wouldn’t like the *way* i was going to it but I would go to this

Eating an apple now to cancel out the chips. That's how nutrition works

how am i supposed to carry out my magical wintry quest in this weather. i cannot trudge through deep wind

Therapists have to tell you one of their problems if you ask. It's a federal law.

yeah can i just get a few morsels to go please

apologising to fenris that he just had to witness koru’s unfettered oafery

this christmas i want to be in the silent snowy landscape of the dark is rising the dark can piss off though i’d just like the muffling blizzards

it’s fun how playing a video on this app can trap you in fullscreen mode forever no matter how much you cry and shake your phone violently

asking the waiter if we can get a round of shoulder rubs for the table while we wait for our food

how am i supposed to carry out my magical wintry quest in this weather. i cannot trudge through deep wind

Evening sky report

i love kitty cats and their silly proclivities

writing christmas cards to my old therapists. i must choose carefully to avoid sending any images too rich in badly hidden meaning MERRY CHRISTMAS I’M FINE